Too young for the big boys?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2007
Too young for the big boys?
7
Fri, 07-06-2007 - 3:21pm
We have been wishing since my son was born 13 years ago that some kids would move into our neighborhood. Well, this week we found out that the son of our neighbor has come to live with her. We met "J" briefly last Christmas holiday and he seemed nice enough but it turns out he is 16 years old.
Yesterday afternoon J asked my son to come over and play video games, but DS had some responsibilities and couldn't go. Then about 8.30 pm J asked if DS could come spend the night. They live right next door so I let DS even though I don't know J's family very well.
DS came home about 11 AM this morning. About 30 minutes later J calls asking if DS can come swimming with him and another 16 yo (who I don't know) at the neighborhood pool. Our pool has no lifeguard and I wouldn't let DS go without an adult (me) -- which annoyed him but too bad. They weren't there long before it started thundering and we all left. About 1 hour after getting home, the neighbor's son calls again for DS. DS had just gotten grounded for something so I simply said DS couldn't come to the phone.
But truth is, I wasn't really ready for DS to go hang out with J again. DS has a friend his age that lives a few blocks away. I suggested DS go play with him, but he wasn't all that motivated to go.
It's weird. I think it's great to have a kid right next door but I'm feeling a little bothered by it as well. I'm sure a little of my reaction is because I don't know him or his family very well. But a much bigger part of it is because I feel like there is a big difference between 13 and 16 (8th grade and 10th grade).
Is that dumb or what?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Fri, 07-06-2007 - 3:58pm

I think it depends on the kids - my DD has a friend who's 3 years older, and only in the past year, when the older girl went to college did they really drift apart.

As with everything, I'd say go with your gut. Have your DS start a bit slower with this boy, and have him over your house too, so you can get a feel for the friendship. Even if they were the same age, it would seem like it's a alot of together time so quickly.

Sue

Avatar for coldfingers
Community Leader
Registered: 04-30-2000
Fri, 07-06-2007 - 4:11pm

I agree with the previous poster...

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Avatar for jbgattuso
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Fri, 07-06-2007 - 4:44pm

It really depends on the boy. You need to get to know him. My DS's BF is 18 and graduated, my DS just turned 16 and will be a junior. This 18 yr old is a GREAT kid and I love that he spends as much time with DS as he does. He has been a positive roll model. DS 14 is really close to DS 16 so my 14 yr old also spends alot of time with BF 18 yr old. My DS who is 14 is as mature or more than my 16 yr old :) Now with all of that said, just really don't get caught up in the age thing...find out what they are doing, have him over etc... Good luck :)

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Fri, 07-06-2007 - 7:23pm
One of my dd's closest friends is 3 years younger. They get along extremely well. Its not about the math -- its about the personalities. But yeah if you think everything is going too fast just ask your son to slow it down OR ask the other boy over for a bit so that you can get to know him and see for yourself how they interact.
Avatar for weberdns0
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2000
Sat, 07-07-2007 - 9:47am
My son has friends a few years younger than him, and the friend's parents just love my son and the influence that he has on their son.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2005
Sat, 07-07-2007 - 10:12am

I think a lot depends on the kids involved. My son is 13, 9th grade and to be honest I don't really think much about him hanging with kids in 10th grade. He has a lot of friends who are a grade or two ahead of him. I never really thought much about the age difference. Some are 16 but most are 15.

That said, one of my son's best friends is an 11 year old who is homeschooled (7th grade). Same age difference as you are dealing with. I do hope that the friendship continues as my son gets older.

I would suggest getting to know the boy and his family a bit better.

stacy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2007
Sat, 07-07-2007 - 1:32pm
Thanks for all the feedback. I'll try to chill a bit on the age. Maybe it isn't the age so much as the frequency of J. He must have seen DS or called or knocked on the door literally 10 times in 24 hours. When J called and we didn't answer the phone (we were watching a movie), J was at the door 5 minutes later. In fact, even DS was annoyed when J called again just 2 hours after knocking on the door (at 9.30 pm) to invite DS to spend the night for the second night in a row. Perhaps J is feeling lonely and trying to adjust to his new home, but geesh. I told DS he needs to get J to back off a bit, not just try and hide from him (which DS started to do)!