On top of everything else....
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| Mon, 07-02-2007 - 1:25pm |
My In-laws are coming. As if I need the added aggravation of playing hostess right now. I made reservations at a local B&B for them (they've stayed there before). I told H we needed to make reservations and tell them they will not be staying with us. They had planned on staying with us in our little house. No joke, our house is just right for the four of us and even then it can get too crowded. Add his parents and I just want to run screaming from the house as if my legs are on fire.
I simply cannot handle the stress of playing 24 hour hostess right now while trying to work and get dd into a PHP. H said okay, but I can see that he's annoyed with me for putting his parents off. But, part of my reasoning is not just about keepin my sanity, it's also about the fact that when MIL/FIL visit his sister or brother they stay at a hotel...but for some reason they feel comfortable TELLING us when they are visiting and then staying at our house. They have stayed at B&B or hotels in the past, but last year they stayed with us for 3 days, which was fine since neither of my girls were home at the time and it was just H and me. But this year, we have high drama going on and H is in the process of getting some construction underway and it's simply not a good plan.
Last night while speaking with H, his father started yelling at him, like he was 12 or something, and H just told him and then when he hung up, H threw the phone across the room he was so upset. He wasn't pissed with me, I realize it was his dad. I know it's difficult for him to tell his parents "no", but I just don't care. I am his wife and this is our family and home and if we're not up to having full time guests, then we have to draw a line somewhere, don't you think?
I am also concerned because H has been sober since December but his father is a major alcoholic and I worry that the added stress will cause him to slip. He is not in any formal program, though he should be, so I am worried that his will power and that the added stress may, well, you know.
His parents like you to believe they are low maintenance, but really they are extremely high maintenance. His mother stares off into space as you're speaking and you can feel her eyes boring into you as you're telling her a story (as if you're on a petri dish!). Five minutes will pass and suddenly she will respond and it takes you a minute to realize what she's even talking about. She once sent H and me a xeroxed article from a magazine about healthy eating after spending 4 days with us over Christmas holiday!! Meanwhile, before they came I planned out a strict diabetic menu for HER, made assorted cakes and cookies that were diabetic friendly, etc. I mean, I took great pains to make sure we only ate healthy foods while they were here, which wasn't even a stretch for us since we almost always eat healthy. In her little cover letter she commented that we eat very fatty and unhealthy foods(??), which is a joke because we're all very slim and healthy. Ugh - I don't mind spending the day with them, but I want to be able to say goodnight and send them back to thier hotel in the evenings so H and I can decompress.
Funny story: A few years ago, we planned a family vaca to FL, during which we were visiting the In-laws for 4 days and 3 nights. I reserved a hotel for the last 4 nights of our vacation nearer Orlando, away from his parents home on the shore. H told me to cancel the reservations. I didn't. After day 2, H asked me if we still had the hotel reservation, I smiled YES and H packed faster than I did when it was time to leave!!
I know that they will ask dd about her future plans, which she does not have and that's stressful for her right now. In fact, it came out with the hospital counselor that was the very question freaking her out. We need to practice some answers...and she needs to learn that it's OKAY if she says, "I really don't know yet" and leave it at that.
H's family is a scholarly bunch, H being the only one who did not complete college, and I know they assume that everyone will attend. Ugh. When dd19 first was accepted to the CIA for culinary, they scoffed at that thinking she was merely taking some tech courses in baking. They couldn't be more wrong - the curriculum and programs are very rigorous and intense. And when they learned that dd was spending her externship at a popular golf and spa resort, suddenly they are interested and plan on visiting her there later this week.
I don't want to work myself into a frenzy, but I am dreading this visit. I am hoping that dd17 will be busy with friends so she doesn't get stuck under the microscope with us. Ugh. I usually wander off to my gardens or take the pups for a walk to take small breaks. What else can I do to keep my sanity???????

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Thanks for your help - the psych has actually discussed this type of treatment for ds, however, being 18, he has to voluntarily agree.
So I've asked her to explain to him, in detail, the difference between voluntarily seeking treatment and having a violent episode, causing him to be INVOLUNTARILY hospitalized.
On the up side, DS appears to be at odds with bf at the moment and staying home instead of at bf's house - not really that big a deal, except I think bf has serious psychological issues of his own that are not helping DS AT ALL - he just appears calmer and more in touch with himself the past couple days.
AND - taking his meds - REGULARLY...which he doesn't do when he's not home.
So we'll see
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