Troubled Teen & Uncomfortable Step-parenting

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2011
Troubled Teen & Uncomfortable Step-parenting
11
Wed, 06-01-2011 - 10:23am

Hi, all.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000

Hi and welcome to the board. I don't have any BTDT advice as far as step parenting but I know at least one regular poster was a step parent to a teen. How old is your sd? Did you have a good relationship with her before bio mom appeared back in the picture? Bio mom sounds like a real piece of work to come back into dd's life and then plan to leave again with her current squeeze of 3 months; you'd think she could suck it up and do the long distance romance thing to ensure her dd didn't have to change schools. But of coures your sd doesn't see that... Hopefully musiclover or someone else will chime in here with some btdt advice.

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

You don't say how old your DSD is--I think that would make a diff.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2011

SD is 15 going on 21 (she just got her temps!) so I know that these...outbursts and mood swings are to be expected.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999

It sounds as though you've got a really good handle on a ton of the teen issues and really need somewhere to vent! I don't blame you - never been a step parent, but it sure sounds very rough.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

There was a poster on here called bizzylizzy--don't know if you can search for her posts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2009
If she went to live with mom, would mom be abusive or neglectful (the legal definition of both)? If she's that unhappy and that difficult, I might let her move (she's 15, after all, not a small child). Who knows, if she moved in with mom, things might be so unpleasant with mom (by unpleasant, I don't mean unhealthy or abusive) that she wants to come back and appreciates how good she has it at dad's. Letting her move could cure her *angst*.

Or she moves, things go well at mom's, and you get pleasant visits with her on weekends and holidays.

I'm both stepmom and a bio-mom, btw. There are days when I'd happily send DS (14yo, and full of attitude) off to his bio-father, if only bio-father was in his life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2011

I can feel your confusions and hesitations from here. Yes, it's really going to be tough for you. But you know, there are facilities and schools out there that cater to troubled children like your stepdaughter. For sure she must have been experiencing some mood changes and there may be some feelings she would like to direct to her biological mom but since the latter is not around, all her anger and frustrations in life go straight on your face. She may be seeing you now as the reason for her broken family but to make her realize on this matter, she needs some professional help. Perhaps you may suggest to your hubby to bring your stepdaughter in a school for troubled teens. The facilitators in these institutions can handle these types of situations. In fact, they specialize in helping troubled kids and teens recover from their bitter past.

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999

It doesn't sound like a residential treatment facility is called for here, BUT counseling certainly looks necessary.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2004

I wouldn't let her go live with her stepmom and the new boyfriend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2007
loved this article, I need to read more from him, as whenever I do I love his advice and writing.I think the OP could do well by reading more from Rosemond too.

I also love your advice fullmom, to the OP, but again, thats no surprise either!

mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16

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