Hi and welcome to the board. I don't have any BTDT advice as far as step parenting but I know at least one regular poster was a step parent to a teen. How old is your sd? Did you have a good relationship with her before bio mom appeared back in the picture? Bio mom sounds like a real piece of work to come back into dd's life and then plan to leave again with her current squeeze of 3 months; you'd think she could suck it up and do the long distance romance thing to ensure her dd didn't have to change schools. But of coures your sd doesn't see that... Hopefully musiclover or someone else will chime in here with some btdt advice.
You don't say how old your DSD is--I think that would make a diff.
SD is 15 going on 21 (she just got her temps!) so I know that these...outbursts and mood swings are to be expected.
It sounds as though you've got a really good handle on a ton of the teen issues and really need somewhere to vent! I don't blame you - never been a step parent, but it sure sounds very rough.
There was a poster on here called bizzylizzy--don't know if you can search for her posts.
I can feel your confusions and hesitations from here. Yes, it's really going to be tough for you. But you know, there are facilities and schools out there that cater to troubled children like your stepdaughter. For sure she must have been experiencing some mood changes and there may be some feelings she would like to direct to her biological mom but since the latter is not around, all her anger and frustrations in life go straight on your face. She may be seeing you now as the reason for her broken family but to make her realize on this matter, she needs some professional help. Perhaps you may suggest to your hubby to bring your stepdaughter in a school for troubled teens. The facilitators in these institutions can handle these types of situations. In fact, they specialize in helping troubled kids and teens recover from their bitter past.
It doesn't sound like a residential treatment facility is called for here, BUT counseling certainly looks necessary.
I wouldn't let her go live with her stepmom and the new boyfriend.
mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16