troubled teens

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2003
troubled teens
4
Sat, 02-11-2006 - 10:28pm

Hi all...I am new here.

 

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2005
In reply to: asil4274
Sun, 02-12-2006 - 4:34am

Please don't berate yourself for "not being able to handle it on your own". You and DH sound like good parents because you care enough about your kids to get them the help they need. Sometimes kids need to talk to a neutral third party to work out their problems. No matter how close you are, sometimes there are things kids just don't feel comfortable sharing with their parents. As long as you are happy with their counselor, I think you're doing the right thing and I hope you see some progress soon.

Good luck!

Jane

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
In reply to: asil4274
Sun, 02-12-2006 - 4:52am

hang in there - you did the right thing in getting help, it means that you ARE good parents and not the opposite. if your child had an unexplained fever - you would go to the doctor, right? this is the same thing. their 'acting out' is a cry for help - and you are getting them help.


therapy does take time. these kids have been thru a lot - knowing that one of their parents abanded them - is devastating. my son went/is going thru this too. my son is 19 and his bio-dad has not been in contact with him since he was around 5. it is heartbreaking! no matter how much i or other people love him - he feels that he did something wrong because otherwise, why did his dad leave him. no matter that he knows and understands that his dad is dysfunctional - it doesn't matter.


i must warn you, however, that it is likely that you will be seeing more positive changes in your SS anyway. first of all - he is a boy and he is living with his father so he has 'his' same-sex parent around. also he is younger so its easier, he is not yet an official "teen". your DDs OTOH - are both older, at a more difficult age anyway, and they are probably feeling their mother's abandenment more strongly as kids tend to identify more with the same-sex parent. this doesn't mean that all is lost -but it means that the process will be longer and more painful.


has the school been any help?

Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: asil4274
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 11:33am

I think the fact that you're concerned AND proactive in getting the kids the help they need. You're doing things right. Step and blended parenting is already a difficult task, but when you throw in at least one negligent parent, it raises the stakes even higher.

It's important for you and your H to get in on some of that counseling so you can learn techniques to 'reach' the children and help them heal while rebuilding your relationship with them. It's likely they feel very unworthy of love and attention, and perhaps even feel like they don't deserve or shouldn't bother working hard to achieve thier goals. The dd who is cutting may have severe self image problems - all stemming from the neglect and misbehaviors of thier mother. You will never know all the why's but seeking counseling to help pick up the pieces and get all the kiddos on the right tract is a great start.

It's hard to resist trying to think of our part in our children's difficulties or placing the blame on ourselves, but it's not positive thinking. The situation is what it is, and now you're dealing with = that's what matters. Most often, it's better to take a few deep breaths, love them unconditionally, pull up your bootstraps and press on.

I wish you the best of luck. I have/had a troubled teen and she's doing really well now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2003
In reply to: asil4274
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 7:26pm

Thank you so much for your responses.

 

 

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