Troubling??

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
Troubling??
7
Tue, 10-09-2007 - 12:15pm
This isn't a huge problem, but it has been nagging me lately. At the end of the summer, my DD15 got a call on her cell phone from a boy that she never really talked to or had much to do with. I guess he was interested in her and her (knucklehead) ex-bf gave him her
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2006
In reply to: ejteach2007
Tue, 10-09-2007 - 12:30pm

Wow! You are describing the very same thing that MY dd, a sophomore, is currently experiencing!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
In reply to: ejteach2007
Tue, 10-09-2007 - 2:09pm

Amelia,


Good luck and keep us posted. It sounds like you're just a few weeks behind where we are with this situation! My DD did that exact same thing, and things seemed better for a while. I don't want to change her cell phone number, but I will if necessary. Can anyone think of anything else I can do? This kid could stalk her in other ways--she stays after school with her band friends sometimes and once in a while, she walks home alone...although I go out of my way to avoid that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2006
In reply to: ejteach2007
Tue, 10-09-2007 - 2:38pm

Another thing I thought of after I posted my first response - I told my dd that we could block the boy's phone number so that he would not be able to call her on the home home or on

Avatar for mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: ejteach2007
Tue, 10-09-2007 - 6:12pm

I am probably not going to be any help here, especially since I have just boys, but I'll try.


When ds20 was in MS, he met a girl that latched on to him like a leech!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
In reply to: ejteach2007
Tue, 10-09-2007 - 6:48pm

I think it starts to fall in the "stalking" category when he calls repeatedly all day long, or in a short space of time--knowing that she doesn't want to talk to him since she told him so herself. It might just feel more threatening when it's a guy doing the "stalking" rather than a girl. My DD is very petite and could easily be overpowered by this guy if he chose to follow her home from school or something. Maybe that's just my bias. I know I wouldn't like it if a girl was calling my DS this way either, but at least it wouldn't have that threatening edge to it.


Avatar for bookwormmom
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2003
In reply to: ejteach2007
Tue, 10-09-2007 - 7:20pm

I would be concerned about the stalking issue. When Kelsie was in 8th grade a boy was "stalking" her a bit, at least we considered it as such. It started out kind of cute,she found a note in her locker from her secret admirer and that happened a few times. Then one day there were 2 e-mails for her that seemed pretty innocent, the funny thing was that he was saying don't try to figure out who I am, you never will. But when the e-mails came through it had his name in the sender spot, obviously he forgot that it would show up as sender of the e-mail. So now she knew who it was and the more "stalkerish" behavior started. He sent her e-mails saying how much he loved her, one e-mail just said I love you over the whole page. He always was watching her and wanting to talk on IM. I did go to the Assistant Principal just to make him aware of the situation, so that if he saw her walking with him etc. he would know that there was a problem. After a while it finally stopped. Then in the summer she got an IM that said he was spreading rumors about her, he was telling people on IM etc that he and his friend were in a car and they saw her and picked her up and had a threesome. I won't get into the details, but you can imagine what kinds of things he said. I called the Mom and talked to her. She was great, it was her ds that had IM'd Kelsie and he had also told her, when I called she already knew what was going on, when he got home she would take care of it. Apparently she did, because as soon as I got on IM that evening he was there apologizing to me and then did the same with her. We haven't had any problem since. In fact about a month ago he left a message on her My Space as a comment to one of her pictures saying how beautiful she is. I was worried that he would start again, but he didn't, he just left that one comment, they go to different schools and she hasn't seen him for over 3 yrs now.


So all that being said, I think there are a couple things you can do, 1) answer her phone and tell him to stop calling, 2) I like the idea of Dad calling him and telling him to leave her alone or 3) call the parents and tell them that it is a problem and to please talk to him about it or you will go for a restraining order.


I would do something though, before he gets more aggressive.


And as for guys being stalked, I do think it happens, but not as much. It can be just as much a problem, but like someone said we usually figure guys can take care of themselves. But remember that movie that was out a long time ago, OMG I can't remember the name of it. I think it was with Micheal Douglas and Sharon Stone and she stalked him, Oh

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: ejteach2007
Tue, 10-09-2007 - 8:03pm

An adult needs to pick up one of the call and, loud and clear, tell him to stop calling

Just as women are polite "you sure are calling a lot lately", girls are too! Men need direct and men tend to do direct well

So dad should do this-polite, but firm. No need to belittle the kid. "I appreciate that you think highly of my dd but she isnt interested in you and I want you to stop calling NOW"

If dad isnt an option, then mom needs to rehearse and do it-not nicely.

As a mom to boys, I would expect an attempt like this to be made first. I would appreciate the parents then calling ME but I understand that is difficult and would grasp that not being done, but talking to the kid, loud and clear? Yes!

Long before a call to the authorities