Troubling Incident With DS13 & Friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2004
Troubling Incident With DS13 & Friend
3
Thu, 08-03-2006 - 6:48pm
I have posted here before. Last thread was "Differences with
Husband on Discipline". Well, it took a very bad incident for
him to finally come my way. Here's the story: My DS13 and
two friends snuck out of the house on Friday night around
3:30 AM on bikes. They wound up on the roof of a local store
and the police were called. They were afraid to come down so
a helicopter was called in because the police did not know
what was going on up there or who was even on the roof. Anyway
at 4:50 AM there are three officers banging on my from door. They
scared the daylights out of me when they said "do you have a son
named XXXXXX". My heart just dropped. My husband and I had to
go to the station to pick up our son. The other two boys had already
been picked up by the time we got there. On the way home we
stopped at the scene to get his bicycle. We read him the riot act,
told him he was punished for a very very long time. One of the
officers took his phone, smashed it on the floor and threw it
in a puddle, so now he has no phone and will not be getting a
replacement. He is not allowed to stay with those two other boys.
Sunday morning the mother of one boy came to my house to discuss
the incident. Of course, most of the bad things she was saying were
mostly about my son. She informed me that the boys had smoked pot
and she knew it as soon as she picked her son up. That thought
didn't even cross my mind. She said she gave her son a drug
test and it was positive. Well, when I heard that I went straight
to the store for one and it came back negative. I did another one
the next day and still negative. He admitted to smoking but I don't
thinl he knew what he was doing. I asked him to show me what he did
and it didn't seem that he inhaled, thus the negative result. She
said that the third boy, 15, told her my son was the one who brought
the stuff, he rolled it and smoked one really big one on his own.
She also mentioned a 4th boys name but he could not climb on the roof
so he watched all of this from a few blocks away. My son has
admitted to everything that happend that night and told me the whole
story, which is pretty much the same thing as I got from the 4th boy (I
am very good friends with his mother). Anyway, my son and the 4th
boy wrote something on their my space pages about tattling and the
mother of the boy thinks it is about her son (probably is), but who
cares, she's really the one that did the tattling (thank god) with
the information she received from the 3rd boy. Now, she does some
things that I don't do. I do check their e-mail accounts and my
space page but I will never pretend to be them to get information,
which is exactly what she did. Now this morning she called my
house 7 times in one hour and when she did not get me (I was
getting ready for work) she came to my door a few minutes after
I left for work. My daughter called me and said she was ringing
the bell and banging on the door like there is no tomorrow. My
daughter got her grandmother. This woman wanted my mother to
get my son and my mother refused (thank god). anyway the woman
badgeredd and questioned my mother about where my son was, etc.
My mom would not give up any information (she does not even
know about the incident). I finally call this woman and told her
the stuff was off my sons page. Now she e-mails another boy who
had nothing to do with this and tell him to tell his "little
friends" they better stop saying things about her son because
she knows more s**t about us and they are lucky she did not
tell their parents. At this point I think this woman is nuts.
I am trying to handle this sitation with my son and move forward.
She is getting all wrapped up in what the kids are saying, etc.
I want to confront her and ask her "if you know something more,
tell me, what could be worse than what I already know". On the
other hand, I think she is nuts and I should just ignore her.
By the way, the bike her son was on that night was mine.
Neither her son or mine ever mentioned that and we did not
pick up that bike when we got my sons. Two days later I found
out and by then of course, the bike was gone. She makes no
mention of that though. What do you all think I should do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 08-04-2006 - 12:18am
I'm sorry you are going through this! it sounds like it is going to be a bit of a tough haul with your son. But as for THIS woman, I think you are DONE with her. I'd tell her in NO uncertain terms that you will NOT be discussing it further with her, and that any future comments should be directed to your lawyer. I'd even go so far as to tell her that you will consider action for libel and/or that you will get a restraining order if necessary. She does sound a little nutty - and the really sad thing is that she probably isn't going to deal effectively with her child's problems because she is convinced they are all YOUR child's fault!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2004
Fri, 08-04-2006 - 6:17am
Thanks. I hope it doesn't get any worse. He is only 13 and that scares me. I want so much to confront her and tell her to cut it out, but I feel that if I do that she will get into a tirade. She seems overboard and way too involved (by pretending to be her son). I'm so glad my mother answered the door instead of my daughter because my mother was pretty adamant about not waking my son, even though she knows nothing of the incident. She and her son had an incident in about April with another boy from school and his mother and when she found out my son was hanging around with him, she was surprised and said be careful, but I didn't listen because I really don't like to form opinions on other people's words. Well in this case they were right. It just took about 4 months for it to happen. Her son has been caught doing other things, what I would consider minor, but still things he should not have done. I am not going to call her back after the last call yesterday morning when I told her I would check the my space page. I think I should just sit tight and if she calls again tell her that the incident is over and I need to spend the time and energy on my son's future and not this nonsense.
The morning she came over instead of talking like to rational parents all she was saying was how she spies on her son, goes through his my space and pretends to be him, e-mails other boys to get information, how he's a good kid and now she is going to send him away to school (probably won't, all talk), how my son did the most that night. She scares me in her thinking. I just hope she keeps her mouth shut to over parents in the neighborhood and is not blabbing things about this incident, because quite frankly, I just want to get on with our lives and spend the time and energy on my son and that's it.
Why do kids make such stupid choices in life?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Fri, 08-04-2006 - 6:56pm

You know, if she goes into a huge tirade on your property you can always call the police and file trespassing or harrassment charges against her.