Troubling question

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
Troubling question
5
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 10:17am
I've posted on a teen/tween board here before, but I don't think it was this one. Anyway, I need some advice or just words of encouragement to something that has been bothering me lately. My dh and I have 3 kids - one of them is 13. She has made a lot of new friends this past year - her first year in middle school. There is one particular one that I swear is flirting with my husband (my dd's dad). This girl is very pretty and outgoing. The troubling thing is that I think my dh has been flirting back. There were two things... Ok, my dh won't even walk around the house in his undies around our daughter. But he got out of the shower the other day, and walked to the bedroom in just his undies. My dd's friend was in our dd's room, and turned around and saw him. He thought it was funny. (!!!) Then just last night, my dd and two of her friends were swimming in our backyard. The friend had been asking me to join them, but I was getting ready to go to the gym. So then when my dh got home from work, she has him if he wanted to swim w/them. My dh says, "um, I can't". She says, "and why not?". He says, "because I'm 32, and you're 13". I was so mad at that! I didn't think she meant anything by asking him to swim (since she asked me, too), but just seeing the way that he took it troubles me. I did talk to him about it last night, and I couldn't believe what he said.. "I can't believe you don't trust me...". Nevermind the fact that this is a 13 yo AND our daughter's FRIEND!! I'm just confused and hurt by this. Am I going to have to worry about all our daughter's friends coming over now? Also, he is a very quiet guy, but he talks to this girl and picks on her all the time. He never talks to any of our dd's other friends. Of course, this girl talks to him all the time, too (and me too. she's just very outgoing). This girl has a on and off boyfriend, but she's not mentally "mature" if you know what I mean. She hasn't even kissed this boyfriend. But she is very physicall mature - bigger bbs than me! Anyway, please help me... I don't why I feel threatened by this girl. It seems ridiculous, I know. Oh, and a little background. My dh and I have been married for about 9 yrs and have 3 other kids - not yet teens.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
In reply to: times4
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 12:45pm

You said several times that this girl is just being friendly and outgoing, yet you are upset when your DH responds in a friendly manner?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
In reply to: times4
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 1:08pm
Thank you so much for responding. Here I was upset that my dh even took it "that" way, but I guess it was wise for him to take it that way, eh? Had he not, and he swam, then others could have seen that as inappropriate. So he took the smart way out. I also like how you say that his response could have been a way to let her know that maybe she was acting a little too strong. This girl is the same way to me as she is him, but just him being the guy... it looks odd to me. Anyway, I'm glad I talked to my dh about it. At least now he knows what I'm seeing, and maybe he won't let her get too far. I know about girls having crushes on teachers (I had one!) and such.
Anyway, I'm rambling! You put a whole new perspective on it. I'm feeling better already. I've been very sad all morning.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
In reply to: times4
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 3:37pm
FWIW, I think your husband did the right thing. My DD has a friend whose father works for the local Sheriff's department and having seen and heard enough horror stories about teenage girls, swimming suits, pools and grown men, won't even supervise his teenager DD's and her friends at pool parties in their own home. He asks that his wife do it.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
In reply to: times4
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 4:02pm
I agree with the other posters as far as the swimming thing goes. (Although he could have just said no to the swimming without going into the stuff about the age difference.) But the part about his walking around in his undies when the friend was there does seem odd to me, especially since that isn't something he normally does. I'd think he'd be less likely to do that with your DD's friend in the house, not more likely. There's probably nothing to it, but I'd continue to keep an eye on things if it were me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2007
In reply to: times4
Fri, 07-27-2007 - 8:16pm

Wow... um well i don't blame you for bein worried thats a big thang and ya know all these adults with teenagers these days is scary but i think theres a chance you could be wrong. But theres 2 thangs that trouble me about what you discussed. 1) That he took the girl askin him to come swimmin in THAT way and 2) He came in his underwear into the bedroom with them. That to me is kind of unappropriated and at the same time he might have been tryin to be appropriate by not swimmin with young girls especailly when your not there. I honestly hope for the best and if that girls flirtin with him id set her straight, I think little miss innocent ain't so innocent ya know what i mean.

-Suerieanna Danyelle Nye