TVs and computers in bedrooms?
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| Fri, 09-01-2006 - 2:03pm |
Yesterday my DH was upset w/ his DD (age 16) and he mentioned something about talking to his friends and their kids don't have TVs or computers in their rooms. I wonder what is the norm?
DD was widowed a long time ago so there was only him & DD. I think she always had a TV in her room. As far as my kids (who are 17 & 11), my DD bought a TV w/ birthday money several years ago. I did pay to hook it up to cable since otherwise, they only get about 3 channels and bad reception where we live. She really doesn't watch that much TV, mostly sports, but I haven't worried about it since she gets really good grades. My ex bought my DS (the 11 yo) a TV for Christmas. I was holding off on him for as long as possible since he loves TV and I figured he would be up all night watching it. I did tell him that having the TV didn't mean he could stay up later at night. Also since his room is back to back w/ mine, I can hear it if it's on. He also loves to read (had his 3 books for school read by the 2nd week of summer) and does well in school, so not really an issue for me.
As far as the computer, I have never agreed w/ letting the kids have computers in their rooms. My DD does use the computer a lot for homework and IMing her friends, usually at the same time. My DS has only recently started IMing but in 4th grade, not many kids were into it. I did believe all the studies about keeping the computer in a common area so you can see what they are doing. Mine is in my office downstairs.
My DH has his own computer in the basement, but he is very reluctant to let anyone else use it because he is sure they will wreck it by downloading music, etc. Now that he also has a laptop for work, it shouldn't be such an issue, but it still is. So a couple of years ago, he gave his old computer to his DD for her room and said she could keep it there if she got good grades. She's going into 11th grade now. Last year she did ok, I think, but not that great. In 9th grade, she failed math, so there were times when he took the computer out or limited its use. She also got in trouble a few times for being on it late at night after she was supposed to be in bed.
He also complains that she never wants to leave her room--well who would, with the TV, DVD player, computer, stereo, etc. It's like having an apt. that she only has to come out of to go to the bathroom or eat. She hardly went out w/ any friends all summer. She didn't join any clubs in school. She was supposed to get a job, but never did (his fault for not taking her places to apply, IMHO). Now of course, he's concerned about her lack of motivation w/ school and not going to be able to get in college. Of course, it's easier to not give the kids stuff for their rooms in the first place than to take it away as "punishment." I just wondered what other people did at their homes.

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DS, 15, has had a small tv in his room for about two years. He also has a computer, to do homework and of course, IM, play games... We have very specific rules about all electronics in his room and consequences if he chooses not to follow them. All electronics are to be off at 10pm on school nights - no exceptions (unless he has unusual homework load and he's really been working all night). He cannot have IM up when he is doing his homework also. It is very easy for me to remove his router so he can't have internet, but I've only had to do it once last year. He also has a keyboard (digital piano) and two guitars, so he does live in his room alot. But...he is not bound to his room by any means - joins us often and goes out with friends all the time.
I hope this works out, it sounds like it could cause many problems for her and your family.
Lisa
My response isn't going to help you much!
When my DD and DS were in 4th and 1st grades, respectively, DH bought them each a tv with built in VHS player. He was tired of them fighting over the big tv downstairs and wanted to claim it as his own. At the time I was quite opposed to this, due to their ages. They are now in 10th and 7th grades.
I think it's been about three years now since he bought them each a PC for their rooms for the very same reason. They each have internet hook-up and we're all on a wireless network with the printer downstairs with the main computer.
I've had very few, if any, problems with them abusing either one of the things! DD went through an IM phase a couple years ago, but it was short lived and she doesn't get on often at all -- most of her friends are too busy with schoolwork to spend much time on IM! DS likes to play one particular inter-active game on his PC and he usually does it in his room while watching cartoons.
We actually have four computers in our house (DH is a computer person by trade) and the truth is is that DD and DS prefer the main computer downstairs that is faster and better and still fight over that one.
During the summer months, we're pretty lax about bedtime -- I'm usually the first one to bed! -- and if they want to stay up and watch a movie or program AFTER I've decided I'm going to bed, they have to watch in their rooms with the door closed. DD likes to watch "Lost" on Wednesday nights and I prefer to go to bed so the deal is on Wednesdays, they both can stay up until 10:00 to watch tv in his/her rooms, but they have to be ready for bed, teeth brushed, homework finished, etc., and it is lights out the minute the show is over. DD sometimes gets bogged down or runs late with homework so she does have permission to stay up and finish up homework in her room on her PC when that happens. When it actually does, she is usually so tired that she doesn't abuse the privilege either.
I find the cartoons and shows DS likes to watch particularly annoying so the fact that he can watch them without my having to hear them makes us both happy. He hasn't had much interest in IM -- a lot of his friends play the same on-line game he does though -- so that hasn't been an issue with him, either.
Both children are straight A, honor roll students and overall good kids. It may be that they've had these things so long that the novelty has worn off. I dunno. Or it may be that they are just not normal -- I've often thought that. LOL
Julie
All of us have a TV in our bedrooms (with cable). Neither boy watchs alot of tv if the sun is shining. :) The boys each have their own stereos, which are on practically all the time. We only have one computer in the family room and since we are still on dial-up (!!!) no one really gets on it much to play.
My sons spend a lot of time in their rooms when they're home, but I guess I've just gotten used to it, or at least expect it. We still spend time together, don't get me wrong, but I know my boys don't want to spend all their time hanging out with dear ol' mom. :)
Well my son has a laptop in his room. He doesn not have a tv. The only time I would take away his laptop would be if he was abusing the rules concerning computer time and usage.
stacy
My poor, poor DD - she seems very deprived in this company LOL. She does not have a TV in her room, and her laptop does not have internet access - it's mostly for writing and school work. I'm not all that interested in having her have unlimited access to either of these things, nor in her spending more time in her room alone! We have two TVs, and the second one is in mine and DH's bedroom. If there's a TV conflict, there is a place to go, but honestly it doesn't happen all that often.
She does have a radio/CD player in her room, but just as often listens to iTunes on the computer or to Sirrius radio which is part of our satellite TV package (both in the living room).
Sue
We have 2 TVs - one in the master bedroom and one in the family room. One computer in the study serves all of us.
My kids never complained about the lack of a TV or computer in their bedrooms. As a matter of fact, they thought the kids who did have these things were spoiled.
For what it's worth, my brothers and I all had TV's in our rooms as teens. So did my kids. I'm not sure I would use either one of my brothers as an advocate for it's okay b/c one is a professional gambler and the other is a drug addict. I don't think the TV is the cause of either one of these problems. I, however, think I turned out somewhat normal (whatever that is). Both of my girls had TV's in their rooms but they always choose to watch TV in the living room with me. The only time they ever really used the ones in their rooms was if a friend was spending the night or maybe they turned it on to watch while talking to friends on the phone. They also usually did homework either in the living room or in the office, but then, only if, the computer was required. The computer is in my office which is right across from my bedroom.
No TVs in kids rooms here. As for computers, my DS (16) has had an old one in his room for about a year. He uses it to work on his programs and "computer generation animation movies" he works on for fun. The kids' main computer was in my office.
We got DD (18)a laptop for university. Now, the kids' computer has become DS's and we have moved it into his room. He has one of the computers hooked up to an electronic keyboard for composing music. The other one he will use for homework, programming & his animation movies.
With the computers, electronic keyboard, electric guitar & amp,saxophone and his books, his room is overflowing!
Both are not into downloading music or MySpace. They use the computers mostly for school and for theor programming projects.
We only have one computer (I brought my work laptop home for the weekend but that's not the norm) so we all have to share. DH and I do bow off when ds needs it for schoolwork, but otherwise he has to ask us if he wants to be on, mostly to download music and visit various websites (that we approve of). We had another but it was slow and we did put it in ds's room but as all his iTunes are on the other one, he didn't use it much and asked us to take it out. He's never had a tv in his room; our pediatrician told us never to permit that and as ds rarely watches tv, it's not an issue. He does play XBox 360 on our den tv, but as we don't have cable and dh and I rarely watch tv, that doesn't interfere either, nor is he allowed tons of time on it anyway.
Sue
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