Ugh. I don't know what to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2011
Ugh. I don't know what to do.
51
Wed, 06-15-2011 - 4:11am

I'm up in the middle of the night typing this because I'm too worried to sleep. About a year ago during a very stressful breakup, my daughter went on anti-depressants. She's been on them awhile and is doing better now. She admitted to me she had engaged in some self-destructive behavior (I don't really want to go into it now because it would take too long to explain). She cried for days after this boy broke up with her, and I was worried sick. I would even sneak in her room at night to make sure she didn't hurt herself. I found out recently that they ran into each other at the mall a couple of weeks ago and spent the rest of that evening together. They have also been texting each other again. I told her this was a bad idea and she SWORE to me she had no interest in dating him again and they were just chit-chatting. He broke up with her on her birthday last year after they'd made plans together, and told her she was a distraction that he didn't need in his life. He is planning on becoming a minister, and my daughter is not religious whatsoever. She has told me she's an atheist, and pretended not to be for him, but ended up admitting it later. His mother didn't approve of them together either.

I read a text over the shoulder as she was talking to a friend, and she was telling her that she was excited to see him again and they were making plans to go to the beach together Sat. She lied and told me she and her gf's were going to the beach. I don't know what to do to discourage this. It's a disaster waiting to happen. Every single factor that contributed to their break up is still there. Yes, they have an attraction to each other, but he will dump her again because ultimately NOTHING that is important to him is important to her. (All his facebook statuses are about church or Bible verses, and that just isn't her) That's THE most important thing to him and the ONE thing about her he can't overlook.She will end up hurt again and we will have to do this over again with me getting up every night to make sure she's ok. Last year when this first happened, I found a hunting knife under her pillow which scared me. She claimed it was for self-defense "just in case", but I didn't buy it. I checked for missing knives and pills every night until she seemed OK again.

I've wondered whether I should talk to him, or maybe his mother. I'm pretty sure they don't know about any of what happened because we didn't tell many people, but IDK if I should, or if I could trust them. Her best friend knows all the details, and I thought about seeing if she could discourage this (my daughter would probably listen to her before she would me), but again, IDK if I could trust her to not repeat the conversation to my daughter. I also just thought about flatly refusing to allow him at our home, or for her to go to his, but if they want to see other, they will. I don't understand why she is sneaking around to see this person who hurt her so badly. I want this stopped before it starts. I know on his part it's a physical attraction, but for her it was more. Should I speak to him? His mother? Her best friend? Should I let her make the same mistake twice and just hope that I don't have to hide knives and pills again? (she's 18 and still lives at home)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2007
Mon, 07-04-2011 - 2:47pm
Hi l.s.jane, just wondering how your DD is doing?

mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2004
Tue, 06-21-2011 - 5:27pm

interesting, wow if they could do a voice change I'd love to be on a talk show, radio talk show.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2009
Tue, 06-21-2011 - 4:12pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Mon, 06-20-2011 - 6:21pm

<>

I doubt it, I'm guessing she knows exactly what she's doing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2011
Mon, 06-20-2011 - 11:46am

Thanks guys! :)

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Mon, 06-20-2011 - 9:51am

<<>>

Yep, I agree.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2004
Mon, 06-20-2011 - 8:27am

ITA

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2004
Mon, 06-20-2011 - 8:25am

Okay, okay.

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Mon, 06-20-2011 - 8:23am

What kind of relationship did you have with her before all this began?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2011
Mon, 06-20-2011 - 12:09am

I agree with you. I was very shy as a teen, but even I jumped at the chance to get out of the house whenever I got the chance. I was not popular

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