Underage Drinking
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Underage Drinking
| Tue, 01-03-2006 - 8:53pm |
Hi.
I'm new here, but not new at being a mom. You'd think I would know it all by now! lol.
My husband and I have 6 children between us ranging from 13 to 21.
I need to know how others have handled the underage drinking situation. I feel very strongly that it should not be allowed by parents as it's illegal, but alot of my other friends feel differently about this. (I live in Alberta, so the legal drinking age is 18 here.)
Some of my friends think that their child is going to do it anyway, so they don't mind them having a few drinks at home. We are talking about 14 and 15 year olds, here. My closest friend feels it is best to be open with her daughter and inform her of the safest way to drink and the safest way to get alcohol. (I'm thinking she's nuts...) She allows her daughter to drink and go to parties as long as she knows where she is and who she is with. Again, her reasoning for this is that she says they are going to do it anyway.
Am I just in denial of my children ever drinking underage?
My husband and I have successfully raised 4 children who did not have alcohol situations, (that we know about!!) We have two daughters who are underage at home still.
Am I unrealistic of the drinking situation? My girls do not go to parties, one is a dancer who trains about 20 hours per week.
How do you all feel about "training" your kids to drink? Or "allowing them because it's going to happen anyway"?
I should let you know that my husband and I rarely drink alcohol at all.
Sorry for rambling. I look forward to your responses!
Thanks!
KJ
I'm new here, but not new at being a mom. You'd think I would know it all by now! lol.
My husband and I have 6 children between us ranging from 13 to 21.
I need to know how others have handled the underage drinking situation. I feel very strongly that it should not be allowed by parents as it's illegal, but alot of my other friends feel differently about this. (I live in Alberta, so the legal drinking age is 18 here.)
Some of my friends think that their child is going to do it anyway, so they don't mind them having a few drinks at home. We are talking about 14 and 15 year olds, here. My closest friend feels it is best to be open with her daughter and inform her of the safest way to drink and the safest way to get alcohol. (I'm thinking she's nuts...) She allows her daughter to drink and go to parties as long as she knows where she is and who she is with. Again, her reasoning for this is that she says they are going to do it anyway.
Am I just in denial of my children ever drinking underage?
My husband and I have successfully raised 4 children who did not have alcohol situations, (that we know about!!) We have two daughters who are underage at home still.
Am I unrealistic of the drinking situation? My girls do not go to parties, one is a dancer who trains about 20 hours per week.
How do you all feel about "training" your kids to drink? Or "allowing them because it's going to happen anyway"?
I should let you know that my husband and I rarely drink alcohol at all.
Sorry for rambling. I look forward to your responses!
Thanks!
KJ

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In Canada, parents have to be careful about providing alcolhol to minors (under 18 in most provinces & 19 in Ontario). It is illegal. End of story. Parents who allow their child to drink are teaching their child that laws of our country are "flexible". They are not.
Unfortunately, there are too many parents who turn a blind eye to it. A good percentage of kids (age 14+) are drinking. It is not only illegal but dangerous to the child's physical development. Alcolhol is a drug and it is a very potent drug to a "young body". Brain development is still ongoing till the late teens,early 20s. Parents who say "well they are going to do it anyways" are being "lazy" parents. Just because teenagers are,because of their still developing brains,are going to engage in risky behaviour doesn't mean one doesn't try to steer them the right way. I mean..just because kids are using crystal meth..are we going to let them "try it at home"? Believe me, I know a mom who had to bury her 19-year-old son because of smoking pot & driving.
I agree with you..that mother is not only NUTS but is courting disaster.
My kids tell me that there is drinking at their school but they don't go to any of those parties. We know all the parents of their friends and none allow underage drinking in their homes. I think the trick is to be involved with your kids' lives and to encourage them to get involve in postive activities.
I repeat.
Alcohol is a DRUG. It can have adverse effects on a developing brain. Children should not be given alcohol,under any circumstances. Just because some cultures allow it doesn't mean it is a good thing. The more we learn about the developing brain (and yea..the brains of teenagers are still developing), the more science is learning about the effects on toxins on the brain. EVEN ONE GLASS OF BEER CAN BE DETRIMENTAL TO A DEVELOPING BRAIN.
Do we allow our kids to smoke so they can learn to handle that drug? So, why do the same with alcohol? I find that logic rather strange. The younger the brain, the more "additive" the drug can be. And, we all know, there are "additive" brains; people whose brain chemistry is more prone to get hooked.
I am not saying that we should "outlaw" alcohol. That will not work. Kids will drink. Kids will engage in risky sexual behaviour because the part of their brains that control "impulse" behavior is not fully developed yet. But parents have a duty to teach their children the true impact of drinking,smoking & sexual behaviour on their lives and on their futures. Instead of saying "NO", parents should tell their kids the true consequences.
With respect--I was not judging you nor your parenting. I was offering the other side of the coin on this topic.
I don't bury my head in the sand, but we are governed by a democratic society where the popular vote dictates the law. Whether I voted for the drinking age or not it's still illegal and I believe that's justification for upholding it. I also believe in leading by example. I don't drink irresponsibly or drive after drinking. I discuss alcohol, its effects, and its possible repurcussions with my dd.
I agree that having the legal drinking age of 21 may not be the smartest thing we've ever done. But it's done. Society places the importance on drinking, the law doesn't. Does the fact that it's illegal make it more desirable to kids? Definitely. But can't we teach our kids to have fun without alcohol?
I feel that by allowing my 18dd the opportunity to learn respect for what alcohol can and can't do BEFORE she's no longer under my roof to do so is my right as her parent. Applause! I totally agree with the parenting thought behind this statement, just not the action. Isn't it important to teach our kids to observe the law so that when they are out on their own they will? Allowing the choice to break the law while under your roof opens the door for them to choose which laws they will break when they are on their own.
Another example: marijuana is illegal in my state. Should I let my kids try it at home because I don't believe in the law--under the guise of learning what it can do to them while they're under my roof? Sorry, but I'm going to reinforce the idea that they really don't need to do it at all. It doesn't enrich their lives, it impairs their thinking, AND it's illegal. Surely we can come up with something better to do for fun than get high.
My intention really isn't to preach. I just disagree on this point.
When my oldest ds was only 4, he was good friends with a boy who had an older teenage sister. The mother, who became my good friend, used to tell me that she let her dd (14 at the time) drink in her home because she thought it was better that she at least knew where she was and felt she was safer to do it at home. I didn't say much about that...as I said, my kids were 4 and 2. The legal drinking age here in California is 21, has been for years. I'm not sure about any legality regarding serving it to your own children. I never even heard of that, and find in quite interesting.
Now that my kids are teens, I have a problem with what my friend did. While I believe she had every right to provide alcohol to her teen dd in her own home, I doubt she informed the parents of her daughter's friends of what would be going on in her home. That is what is truly unfair to the other parents, who may or may not approve. There is not always alot of communication between the parents of teens with each other, and sometimes we just make alot of assumptions when we allow our children to be in the care of other parents.
Rennie, I respect your right to disagree with me and never felt you were judging me and I wouldn't care anyway, really.
The OP originally stated that her concerns were with children ages 13 or 14 being allowed to drink because the parents felt they were doing it anyway. I commented on my 18dd. not 18 or older. I do not approve or condone my 16dd drinking for any reason. My older dd is a VERY mature 18 y/o. When my 16dd is 18, I may have to very carefully rethink this issue with her as she is very immature and impulsive, not at all like her older sister. I was raised in an alcoholic home and the drinking age was then 18. I base my judgments and a majority of my parenting on my own experiences. If I don't have those experiences, then I research them so I can make an educated decision. I also parent per kid. We have our 'general' rules which apply to both dd's and the family as a whole. But while I can see that each child is different in personality and temperament, I likewise feel that each must be parented based on those perspectives. My point is that I am against blanket parenting. I do not do black and white parenting, or yes or no parenting. IOW, I feel that each situation, as it presents itself, should be dealt with on it's own terms. Just because it's the law doesn't mean it works for everyone. Just because one way works for some, doesn't mean it will work for all.
Also, comparing this situation, with an 18 y/o drinking responsibly, supervised in her own home with her parents, IMO, cannot be compared to allowing my dd to smoke pot, which is altogether illegal, not just past a certain age. It's simply not a good comparison. Neither is crystal meth, which another poster mentioned.
A good example might be that in the state of CT girls under 16 are not allowed to have sex. But, we all know that they do. So what do we do? Do we put her on the pill or give her condoms...or do I simply tell her no and hope that she listens and abstains from sex with her BF (who btw, has no age limits for sex in CT). Just because the law says it's so? I would choose to give my dd BCP and condoms if she were sexually active. Not because I condone her having sex at such a young age, but because it makes sense...because it's another way of teaching her to be safe and to protect herself. It's another way of being sure that she knows her own body, what it's capable of, how to protect herself from disease and be responsible for her own behavior.
Mily, the legal drinking age here is 21.
hi Dani,
Your view is pretty much the same as my view-However, after reading some of the posts,I have alot to ponder.
Thank you everyone for your posts on this topic.
kj
It's not only the drinking that gives me concerns, it's what happens when you are around others who are also drinking. Rape happens. Really bad decisions happen. I'm also afraid of alcoholism happening. That is a big concern for me.
Personally, I think alcohol should be illegal period. Yah, I know, that's pretty "out there" and of course it would never happen. I really don't know of anything good that has come out of drinking but I certainly have seen many lives ruined because of it. I do realize that my views are pretty harsh and not in the majority.
As I mentioned before, after reading all the posts, (and I'm not done yet! Thank you!) I will definitely have to think about this some more and probably different decisions will be made.
This was and is the most informative discussion I have ever read! Very cool!
kj
I have a hard time with "selective obendience to the law" - abide by the ones that you agree with, and ignore the ones you don't.
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