Underage Drinking
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Underage Drinking
| Tue, 01-03-2006 - 8:53pm |
Hi.
I'm new here, but not new at being a mom. You'd think I would know it all by now! lol.
My husband and I have 6 children between us ranging from 13 to 21.
I need to know how others have handled the underage drinking situation. I feel very strongly that it should not be allowed by parents as it's illegal, but alot of my other friends feel differently about this. (I live in Alberta, so the legal drinking age is 18 here.)
Some of my friends think that their child is going to do it anyway, so they don't mind them having a few drinks at home. We are talking about 14 and 15 year olds, here. My closest friend feels it is best to be open with her daughter and inform her of the safest way to drink and the safest way to get alcohol. (I'm thinking she's nuts...) She allows her daughter to drink and go to parties as long as she knows where she is and who she is with. Again, her reasoning for this is that she says they are going to do it anyway.
Am I just in denial of my children ever drinking underage?
My husband and I have successfully raised 4 children who did not have alcohol situations, (that we know about!!) We have two daughters who are underage at home still.
Am I unrealistic of the drinking situation? My girls do not go to parties, one is a dancer who trains about 20 hours per week.
How do you all feel about "training" your kids to drink? Or "allowing them because it's going to happen anyway"?
I should let you know that my husband and I rarely drink alcohol at all.
Sorry for rambling. I look forward to your responses!
Thanks!
KJ
I'm new here, but not new at being a mom. You'd think I would know it all by now! lol.
My husband and I have 6 children between us ranging from 13 to 21.
I need to know how others have handled the underage drinking situation. I feel very strongly that it should not be allowed by parents as it's illegal, but alot of my other friends feel differently about this. (I live in Alberta, so the legal drinking age is 18 here.)
Some of my friends think that their child is going to do it anyway, so they don't mind them having a few drinks at home. We are talking about 14 and 15 year olds, here. My closest friend feels it is best to be open with her daughter and inform her of the safest way to drink and the safest way to get alcohol. (I'm thinking she's nuts...) She allows her daughter to drink and go to parties as long as she knows where she is and who she is with. Again, her reasoning for this is that she says they are going to do it anyway.
Am I just in denial of my children ever drinking underage?
My husband and I have successfully raised 4 children who did not have alcohol situations, (that we know about!!) We have two daughters who are underage at home still.
Am I unrealistic of the drinking situation? My girls do not go to parties, one is a dancer who trains about 20 hours per week.
How do you all feel about "training" your kids to drink? Or "allowing them because it's going to happen anyway"?
I should let you know that my husband and I rarely drink alcohol at all.
Sorry for rambling. I look forward to your responses!
Thanks!
KJ

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<<Now to complicate things, she really is trying to get with my daughter's boyfriend of 8 months. Don't know if a teenage guy can resist a very pretty girl who seems to have so much fun. >>
Depends on what the guy is looking for...
Parenting sure is a struggle!
I have three boys...the oldest of which is going to be 15 in June. He has been a super kid so far. We have a great relationship...very open. He tells me everything (well, nearly ;) ) But last night when I went in his room to say goodnight to him, he told me that he needed to talk to me about something.
He said that his friends (who have not experimented with drinking yet) wanted to all chip in and buy some liquor for a camping trip this weekend. He said they asked him if he'd 'get drunk' with them this weekend. I felt like someone kicked me in the stomach, but maintained my composure. He said that he didn't want to...but then again, everyone does it, so he was curious...so I sat down and proceeded to chat candidly about the dangers of drinking, the legalities of underage drinking, and how I was concerned about his going on this trip and asked him what he thought. He said that he doesn't want his friends to think he's a big wimp, and end up alienating himself from them. Now, the problem is, these boys that he hangs around with, are real good kids...but they are absolutely in the minority in their school, so they want to fit in. Darned Peer Pressure!!!
I told my son that I don't want him to go to the camping trip, and that he can use whatever excuse he wants to with his friends...fake sick, tell them he's grounded...whatever it takes. But I guess my question is, how long can I actually keep him from this kind of situation? My Lord! He's 14 and is one of the VERY FEW who hasn't had a drink! What on earth are these kids going to be doing when they're 18, if they feel they need to drink when they're 14!!! I know my son doesn't feel the NEED to drink to escape anything in his life...it's simply a case of wanting to feel 'accepted' by his peers.
Any advice??
I'm glad someone agrees with me. I am honestly not against alcohol. A glass of wine with dinner can be nice,in moderation. My DH has wine,on doctor's orders, but one small glass is it. The point is,in moderation, depends on the brain chemistry of the individual. And a child's (even a teenager) brain chemistry is not the same as that of an adult. Moreover, teenagers are not just drinking watered-down wine. They are drinking rum & coke or gin & tonics & other mixed drinks that hide the taste of the alcolhol. Gee,if you really want to teach kids to drink, give them straight scotch & see of they like the taste!
Alcohol is a very powerful drug,even more powerful because its abuse is accepted and condoned. Even though cultures accept its use by children doesn't mean it is a healthy choice. We use to think nothing about pregnant women drinking. Now we know that it is not a good thing to do,especially in the first 3-months. You don't have to drink much to be impaired. With my body weight, it is only 1 glass of wine!
And, there is the legal aspect. I do worry about the ramifications of drinking. I "gassed up" teenager has even less control over their impulses than a sober one.
I feel for your daughter. It's tough. What I have told my daughter (same age as yours) is that a girl/woman who goes after another girl's boyfriend/husband is not worth being friends with. Such a self-serving, amoral girl is not friend material.
And a boyfriend who will "fall" for such behaviour is also not worth it,either. Unfortunately, we sometimes have to kiss a few frogs before we realise that they are frogs.
Give your DD a hug for me.
For your 15 yr old to confide those "plans" to you speaks well of your relationship.
And it sounds like you handled it well. To keep that communication going, we absolutely must not freak out on what they're telling us.(something I really struggle with.)
There have been several really good threads on this. You may want to check the archives.
Last year I attended the funeral of a 17 yr old who went camping in the BWCA with a few of his buddies. They all got drunk and he died of alcohol poisoning. He went to sleep in his tent and never woke up.
It seems the majority of teens are rarely capable of mature social drinking. They drink hard and fast to get drunk. Combine that with impulsivity, inexperience and immaturity and it can be a disaster. Being isolated on a camping trip with no facilities and no help readily available is the icing on the cake.
Congratulations to your son for bringing it up. I'll bet he knew what you would say. Maybe he was just looking for an "out".
How sad about the 17 year old...it's too bad that kids can't just take our word for it that these things are dangerous...if they only listened, it would save a lot of lives and a lot of heartache! But I suppose that's being naive...but it would sure make raising children a lot easier!!!
Blaming it on their "nasty, mean strict mom" works fine for 14, 15 even 17 year olds but what when they leave home and head away to college. This question was brought up during our youth group discussion on binge drinking on Sunday night. Suddenly the senior high kids got very quiet. I don't think they had realized that at some point they would have to figure out what their own values and beliefs are AND be able to stand up for them. DD has always used the excuse that her mom works at the local college and teaches way too many of her friends. I usually know what DD's done by noon on Monday. So she's always had that easy excuse. It suddenly hit her that she when she is 5 hours away on a campus with 20,000 other students - that excuse won't fly.
One of our college interns had a wonderful answer - his response to those wanting him to drink is "give me one advantage to drinking". Some will say to him you will have more fun. His response to that is that he wants to remember having fun. Others will say "you need to relax". His response to that is that he runs to relax or if he gets any more relaxed, he'll fall asleep and miss all the fun. His idea is that it is real easy to dispute any "advantage" they give him.
I honestly think that having such an open discussion with kids ages 12 - 21 and myself (the old geezer) was great. We discussed how our faith views alcohol, how the Bible views it, how their peers view it, how their parents view it, how the cops view it, the whole nine yards. We discussed its effects on your body and how alot of people do have hidden health conditions that become magnified when they drink. We practiced responses. This discussion was opened with a skit based on the true story on a young college student that drowned after a night of binge drinking at a frat party. I had 4 of the older students pretend to be members of his family and friends. They each wrote a letter to him telling him their thoughts. I read the actual transcript from a news segment on CNN on this story and then the teens read their letters. They were off stage when they were reading so the youth could focus better on their words. It was very moving.
My point is that kids need to hear their peers talk about the negative effects of drinking and they need to know that not all kids drink. Parents have to talk with them as well. They need to hear this information from many different sources.
Don't get me wrong. I know some of the kids in the group will drink anyway - that's the nature of some teens. But if we can postpone it or prevent it in one or two - I feel like we did a good job.
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