unreasonable to check in at shore trip?

Avatar for arwen12
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
unreasonable to check in at shore trip?
Tue, 06-10-2003 - 2:10pm
My daughter has asked me if I would bring her and couple of friends down to the Jersey Shore this summer.

I had some extra vacation time, so I took 2 Fridays off in July and told her that I would bring her and a couple of her friends (2-3) down to the shore or to SixFlags for the day - just late morning to late afternoon - about 6 hours. She is 14 & her girlfriends are 14 & 15.

I just asked that she check in with me once or twice so I know she is alive and well.

Which was fine until last night when she is discussing it with her friends.

Suddenly, I'm treating her like a baby.

She wants me to drive her down there and just let her 'chill' with her friends without requiring a check in.

I don't want to give her the impression that I don't trust her nor do I think I'm treating her like a baby, but I do feel that I have other parents kids with me and a couple of check ins isnt' unreasonable.

What other ways would there be for me to have a comfort level without her feeling like I'm treating

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 06-10-2003 - 2:43pm
I would absolutely make my child and friends check in periodically through-out the day at a place like that! Our 8th grade goes to Six Flags ever year for their class trip. They are required to check in every 2 hours. If they fail to check in, when they are found they spend the rest of the day with an adult chaperone. I think it's very generous that you are letting them go off on their own at all!


Avatar for arwen12
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Tue, 06-10-2003 - 3:14pm
Yes, she did the SixFlags trip in 7th grade with the same deal.

Kids needed to check in every 2 hours.

But, now she is in High School and I think that is where it is coming from.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2003
Tue, 06-10-2003 - 4:14pm
Only give her so much money and then she'll have to 'check in' ...... just kidding - Don't you have cell phones? If not, maybe borrow someones? I'd take them and let them go and keep in touch via cell phone I guess. I can't imagine my kids staying away for 6+ hours at the shore or amusement park without needing SOMETHING! LOL
Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Tue, 06-10-2003 - 8:46pm
I don't think that it is unreasonable.

Here are two possible approaches: YOU tell the group of girls (not just through your dd) in advance that they will need to check in with you, you feel responsible for the safety of all of them, etc. It is what you need to feel comfortable for this outing to happen. You can even tell them that you know they might think it is babyish but too bad, you're a mom and can't help it. Maybe they will see it more as *your* problem and not your dd's and accept it.

The other thing would be to talk to the other girls' parents and ask them to back you up on it. If all of the parents require it then the girls are all in the same boat.

Cell phones are a good way to keep in touch but at the beach I worry about valuables getting lost or stolen while they are in the water, and at Six Flags everything needs to be buttoned into pockets or somewhere secure or else it will fly out on some of the rides. The girls might even want you to hold their stuff while they go on some of the rides!

Good luck, I hope you have fun!

P.S. Does your six Flags have the roller coaster Goliath? That ride is awesome!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2003
Wed, 06-11-2003 - 8:05am
I don't think you're being unreasonable. I still have my kids check in when they arrive at their destination and before they leave to return home. Heck, when my daughter attended journalism camp last summer, she checked in with me every morning before attending classes and that was on her own volition. ;-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2003
Wed, 06-11-2003 - 10:00am
That is a really great point - YOU tell ALL THE GIRLS they need to check in with you. That is what I'd do for sure!! My car, my trip, my time, MY RULES. If I'm responsible for them ALL they ALL follow MY rules!
Avatar for mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-11-2003 - 2:29pm
That's how I always approach my 16ds when I want him to check in or tell him something that he thinks is too "baby-ish". I just tell him, "Look, it's a Mom thing, ok? Do this for me, so *I* feel better." He usually agrees whenever I put it like that. He thinks he's doing me a favor, which, I guess, in a way, he is! I figure, hey, whatever works!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-12-2003 - 6:57am
Your request is not about controlling her, it's about you loving her and being concerned for her safety, whether you're over-protective and treating her like a child is really besides the point, the point is that you're her mom and you worry, as your child she needs to respect the love and worry you feel for her.

I live with my fiance, and when we do things separately we usually have a habit of periodically letting the other person know that we're all right, when you share a roof you have that responsibility towards eachother, it's not just a parent-child thing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Thu, 06-12-2003 - 1:17pm
kids (of all ages) need to learn that there are rules associated with *having fun*. like wearing a helmet when they ride bikes, like the buddy system in the pool, looking both ways before they cross the street ---- it doesn't mean that they are babies, it doesn't have ANYTHING to do with trust. all it means is that in the wonderful world we have out there, sometimes s**t happens. and sometimes stupid/inconsiderate/bad people do things that harm other people. that's all.

when my son was younger he couldn't understand why I was worried when he crossed the street. "but I am careful" he would say. and I would answer, "yes, but there are some crazy drivers out there who aren't."

that's life...