Unruly daughter and I'm at my wit's end

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2010
Unruly daughter and I'm at my wit's end
18
Sat, 02-19-2011 - 12:42am

Love, Sunshine Dedicated to living my new life with integrity, truth and positive thoughts! I am worthy of true love and definitely worth the wait!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Hello, I understand where you're coming from. You're handling a lot by yourself. Actually, "time out" is a useful psychotherapeutic strategy and many teens, and even some adults, find it helpful. It allows the person who is out of control time to calm down. I think she's trying to tell you in the only way she can that she is in emotional pain and distress. I suggest you consider consulting a mental health professional for an evaluation. It could be that she is angry at you because she perceives your negative feelings about her. What she really needs is your love and support and professional help from a psychologist, psychiatrist, or social worker--someone who will be able to be empathic and allow her to express herself without her being criticized. psychotherapy offers that kind of safe environment. in some cases, medications can also help. I usually write on the self-injury message boards. mothers have written there about their teenage daughters who are also troubled. you might like to check out this Ivillage message board as well. The women there are very supportive. Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2008

Maybe it's too late for this given her age, but how often does she do something right? Is she ever helpful in any way?Bring home a good grade? Pick up her dishes (even small things like that)? How does she react to smiles, hugs

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2011

Sunshine, I'm very sorry to hear about the dynamics of your relationship with your daughter. From my vantage points she appears to be stuck in grief over the loss of her father and doesn't know what else to do other than rage to get someone's attention. She sounds like a preject, and this time in her life is actually a great opportunity for you to partner with her to overcome what is for her the most significant loss event to date. I know it will be tough, because I traveled the same journey with my middle daughter; but if you can look past her behavior to her pain, and recall your own pain rooted in loss, you can really partner with her and show her how to take the steps to healing. Holla back at me if you'd like to know what those steps are. They worked for me and my daughter.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2006

Someone said that they didn't think it was bipolar disorder. I'm just going to disagree and say that it could be. I was, at times, horrific to my sister and my parents as a teenager. Screaming, violent, your post sounded pretty familiar to me. It continued into my adulthood until I was diagosed and given the right medication. The difference in me now is night and day. I used to struggle so hard to reign in my anger, and most of the time was unable to. Now I can't even imagine doing the things I used to do.

It would be well worth it to have her evaluated. If it's not bipolar or something else treatable then at least you know. If it is, you wouldn't want her to have to live with it for years more, and it could be very destructive to her life once she is an adult. I am so lucky I was never arrested.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011

Hi Mom ; It seem like ur D, already has u figure out, she know

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2011

To add on to a previous poster:

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Quick reply - sd - step daughter, dd - dear daughter, ss - step son, ds - dear son - you get the idea. dh is dear (or darn) husband ;-)
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2011

Dear,

You are getting alot of advice and good stuff that is true and real.

Lorena Bathey Author LorenaBBooks.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2008

I am a rather new poster, and definitely new to this board. I am not a parent, but my boyfriend's family is going through something very similar currently. They have a 13 year old who either gets angry and violent or is completely apathetic, and a sweet six year old who is very scared. They know that that kind of environment is not safe for him. They've called the cops repeatedly and she got put in Juvie for bringing weed to school. Finally, they got a recommendation for an in-patient psychiatric program in which the doctors will communicate fully with the parents about issues and how to solve them. I highly suggest continuing counseling, and seeing if social services would be willing to get your daughter into an inpatient psychiatric facility where she can be monitored full time, if calling the police when she becomes violent doesn't work. It's just my two cents, but it's already working out well for them. The unit does not

Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997

I'm not sure that "what would you do?" is the right question, as we're all in different situations.

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