update on DD giving me heart attack....
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| Thu, 03-09-2006 - 6:26pm |
Well, long story, short, she hates living here and wants to live with Dad. OK, she was grounded here for her disgusting website but she changed it so I shortened her grounding to a month, was 3 months. She wants to live with Dad. He took her side. I told her that a fight in court was the only option because I love her enough to fight for her.
After a day or so, I came up with another option. HOw about 50/50?? OK, her father and I got together and that is what we will do. The other two kids 10 and 3, will stay with me full time like always but DD, 14, will switch weeks every other Friday. SHe needs to find out that the grass is not greener at Dad's. My CS gets cut a bit (I'll deal with it) but as long as she is happy, I will live with it. I need a break from her constant attitude too ( her temper rivals mine so we are at almost constant battle) and Daddy can deal with her attitude for a while. We have also told her that this is the end of her switching. This is the final and if she does not like it, tough! We try it her way and then it's tough.
Since agreeing to this, we have actually had a civil conversation and she answers my "I LUV YOU" with one of her own so that is progress.
Anyone have any experience with 50/50 custody??? I researched it a bit online but I want anyones opinion here.
LARK

I'm glad that everything turned out well. You know your child; she's a good kid. :)
Mily
I don't have any true 50/50 custody experience, but my kids spent a lot of time w/their dad. One thing we as parents made sure of, was making sure we were on the same page with each other on discipline, etc. If one was grounded at my house, that grounding extended to Dad's house. With a 50/50 deal, you and xh need to set some ground rules as to acceptable behavior and discipline. This may mean some true compromises between you and xh, but I think it is very important.
I totally understand butting heads w/your dd and you both needing a break from that. My mom and I butted heads all the time; it was awful. In order to survive, we practically had to make living arrangement adjustments, so I really do understand.
I am not the parent of a teen yet- just getting ready!
I had a thought and I was wondering if maybe this could be the issue..she wrote " it isn't rape if you like it" Is it possible she said no and was still forced into sex and then ended up enjoying it? I mean a guy can be raped and still have an o..., so I was just wondering if you had talked to her about that idea. The reason I bring it up was in college my best friend was date raped, but she said it was her fault because he didn't hear her say no- HELLO!!- because he was drunk . And really she wasn't a virgin so it wasn
't a big deal- HELLO!! Ok, so my friend was stupid about that, but at 14 they can be stupid about things too, and knowing you monitor her myspace account, maybe it was a cry for help??
OK, I will go now... hope I haven't freaked you out too much...
No, she wasn't raped. SHe put that there as an inside joke, she tells it like there is a friend who plays like poke, poke, poking someone in the arm, and then the victim says " ooohhh, I'm being raped, and the response is it's not rape if you like it. It was just a joke ( a stupid joke) after you hear the explanation but just from the picture, it puts off a totally different connotation.
I'm finally doing better now.
LARK
I don't have any btdt experience, but my sister has had a 50/50 custody arrangement for two years now (my nephew is only 8, though). So far it seems to be working, but there are alot of little things that will come up, living in two different households. This sounds like the ideal compromise for you and your dd, as long as you and ex are on the "same page". Good luck.
Whew...I was scared for you both. That said, I would be very tempted to shut down her account as that is the kind of thing child molesters would go " ch-ching! jackpot!" over. That is just so scary. My Dad was a prosecutor for years and had to deal with those lowlife scum who prey on children and I learned a lot from him. I was once approached by a predator ( out on parole) and knew enough to save myself and get him back behind bars. I think you were totally right to freak out on her. I hope she has learned something from this! Oh and maybe attend a rape survivors meeting or something so she learns how so not funny that is.
Good luck with the 50/50 custody. I have no experience with any of that- thank God!