Update on Prom Date We Don't Approve of
Find a Conversation
Update on Prom Date We Don't Approve of
| Tue, 04-18-2006 - 2:56pm |
So DD is going to prom with the BF she broke up with. She broke it off with him because he was calling her terrible names and treating her badly... making his own plans, not taking her thoughts and feelings into account, lying to her, I could go on and on and on about the things he has done. He made her feel sorry for him and said he wanted her back and he would change. So she agreed to go to prom with him. DH and I had a talk with her and told her he isn't likely to change because he comes from an abusive household. We said we would not pay for any prom-related expense if she chose to go with this guy because we simply could not "support" that decision due to the way he has treated her and his lack of repect for us too. I guess she wants to give him a chance. She is paying for her dress, hair, shoes, jewelry, the whole works. She has talked to him now and then over the past four weeks or so, but they haven't really been doing anything together. She has been sort of "seeing" a different guy. The new guy has a shaky past, but he does seem to treat her respectfully and he does seem to be trying to improve his life. At this point I have no problem with him. He wants her to decide between him and ex-BF because she made a comment that she feels like she might want to get back with ex-BF. Prom is April 28. DH and I have gotten really frustrated with this whole situation; we try not to think about it because it causes us to get angry with the jerk. Why on earth would she even consider giving him another chance?? It is beyond us. She has given him chances in the past but nothing changed (she told him to stop talking badly to her, calling her names). DH wants to totally forbid her from going with him because he feels it's an irresponsible decision. I convinced him that that is going to backfire. So.... we hesitantly will trudge along with helping her find the dress, shoes, etc. and get through the picture-taking. HELP US WITH THESE TWO ITEMS THOUGH.... Since the ex-BF rarely works and owes over $700 in DUI fines, will he have money for dinner and the tickets? Can we, on prom night (or before), say something like, "do you have money for dinner" to the BF? Otherwise we are afraid DD will get stuck with the bill. She probably won't think of asking and will assume he will pay, but won't think about the fact that he doesn't have any money. Also, what about post prom activities? She has made alot of new friends since she got rid of him; what if he talks her out of being with them and just going off with him (to make out in the back seat somewhere?)Ughhh! Okay I think I know the answer... I'm gonna have to just trust her and let her figure it out. What do you all have to say?
Debbie
Debbie

Wow, Debbie - I'm sorry that dd has decided on this. I can certainly see how you are torn between wanting to protect her and be there or letting her suffer the consequences of her actions.
I remember my mom giving me what she used to call "mad money" in case anything went wrong on the date and I needed to make my own way home. So, on the one hand I can understand your wanting to give dd some money in case loser boyfriend doesn't have any cash on hand for dinner/tickets, etc. However, perhaps dd being STUCK on prom night because her loser date doesn't have the money to cover not even his own half of the bill will jar something in your dd's brain....make her realize she is wasting her precious time on a ne'er do well.
Not sure what to tell you, as it would be hard for me to let dd go off to the prom without a safety net. However, as I type this my 18dd is making plans for a summer vaca with BF and she's doing all the work, laying down all the deposits and her BF is broke (and he actually works full time!)....I keep biting my tongue. I told her that if she doesn't save at least $3000 by summer's end, she's going to be one broke freshman at college come fall. We shall see. Good luck, I hope your dd comes to her senses soon.
As far as wondering if your dd's prom date has money for tickets/meal...I'm assuming here that these are not purchased ahead of time? (ds' prom tickets had to be purchased before the event) My first reaction was to let her go and *make sure* she *didn't* have any cash with her! That way, if b/f didn't have the $$$, then they just didn't get to go. I know. I'm so mean. :) My second thought was to make sure she has money, but *just enough* to cover *her* ticket, that way, she could go if she wanted to, but couldn't pay b/f's way. Of course, if your dd has her own money, you can't really do either of these things. If dd wants to pay, she will, if she's got the money. I don't blame you for being upset, but you seem to have done all you can do to discourage this. If she's already spent all that money on clothes, etc. then my guess is she would pay for the tickets to boot.
As far as after-prom parties, I suppose you could require her to be home immediately after the prom, regardless, or, if there is a after-prom event at someone's house, you could have her call from a landline when she gets there. No, that won't prevent her from leaving right afterwards, but she will at least have to show up there before she can leave. Other than that, I have no clue...
Deb