upset with other parents

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2005
upset with other parents
14
Sat, 01-07-2006 - 3:28pm
DD16 and her friend M got in trouble last weekend 3 days before M's 16th birthday. M's mom came to my house to let me know what the girls had done and was livid. Said M wasn't going to get her car or license on her birthday, they would make her wait awhile and she was grounded for a month and she hoped I would deal with my own DD appropriately. The crime did warrant a good punishment and I took DD's car away except to and from school and grounded her for 3 weeks. M's mom started feeling sorry for M since it was her 16th birthday and all and now less than a week after the incident, M now has a drivers license and a BMW X5, and New Louis Vuitton purse and key chain. Her mom is considering letting her go out to a big party tonight so she can show everyone her new car. Excuse me... whats wrong with this picture? My DD is upstairs right now crying her eyes out about how unfair this all is and she's right. I stick with my punishments by the way am not changing my mind just because M's mom can't seem to deal with her daughter being unhappy. I tried to explain that M is not going to learn a thing from this about right and wrong and has no reason to not go get in trouble again since she knows her mom will give in within days of punishing her. But try explaining that to a 16 yr. old girl who did the same thing as her best friend and the best friend basically gets rewarded for the behavior... Just a vent.... I'm so anry right now......

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2005
Sun, 01-08-2006 - 10:55am

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Are you serious? Just because they make mistakes doesn't even come close to saying they don't love her. That is an absurd statement to make.

zz

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 01-08-2006 - 11:41am

first of all - this is my opinion and i am entitled to it - just because you don't agree doens't make it absurd.


secondly - there are mistakes and there are lifestyles. what this woman is describing sounds more like a lifestyle than a mistake. coddling and enabling a teen - IMHO - is not LOVE.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Sun, 01-08-2006 - 1:03pm

I don't know about "not love"

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 11:37pm

I hear ya! I have a 14 yo daughter who balances school work with her studio time for dance and still manages to get decent grades, stay out of trouble and make time for her family and friends. I do my best for her, as she knows, but we don't always have money for the extras she might like.

She has a friend, on the other hand, who is failing miserably at school, openly skipping classes, drinking, bringing home notes from teachers on her misbehaving but apparently is not suffering any consequences as a result! In fact, she got a brand new IPOD for Xmas, was out almost every day or had friends over during the Xmas break, and seems to be IM'ing or text messaging on her cell phone non-stop! I really don't get her parents. On the one hand I don't know how to explain to my daughter that a kid who's failing most of her classes goes out with mummy to buy a new Ipod. Nor can I barely explain how this misbehaving child is allowed to run around to movies and parties and friends houses.

Its bad enough I have to figure out how to tell my daughter that although this kid may be partying now, in the end its only going to hurt her. But I also feel bad for this kid. What type of future are her parents setting her up for?

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