Vacation with 18 year olds
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| Fri, 01-27-2006 - 9:52am |
My son will be turning 18 in a couple of months. He has been dating a girl for the past 2 years and they are quite serious (doesnt thrill me but what do you do). She is a nice girl though so can't complain about that.
We are planning a vacation to Mexico (after they BOTH turn 18) and my son wants to bring his girlfriend. My daughter will also be there who will be 13. I'm kind of torn on this as they want to stay in the same room. Yes, they are both 18 and could go on their own if they wanted to and I know they are sexually active. It just seems wrong or weird or SOMETHING that they both come along and stay together. She lives with her grandparents and I kinda doubt they will approve but I'm sure she'd go anyway. Am I just having a hard time seeing him grow up or just being anal about this whole thing? I mean, I moved out of my parents house with a guy when I was 17 and I ended up marrying him and we're STILL together. Sigh!
Thx

Hmm, I'm a little confused and torn myself. But I think that if I were in your position I would make them have separate rooms. For a few reasons:
The first is in regards to your 13dd - it's setting a bad example, IMO, for her to witness this. I made the mistake of allowing my 18dd to entertain in her room and now that dd16 has a BF she thinks nothing of lying around on her bed with him cuddling and smooching - I have to constantly go in there and check on them I wish I had never allowed it in the first place!
Second, if you feel that her grandparents would not approve of such an arrangement, you should respect that. I think respecting her grandparents wishes would be teaching the girl a valuable lesson for her future. It will also mean something to her that you respected her grandparents wishes when she may be too young to care. And I also think it will show her that you care for her as well - respecting her as a lady and not your son's playmate (not to sound harsh or anything, but basically that's what it may be viewed as by others).
And lastly, I personally would not be able to fully enjoy myself in a carefree manner if my dd and her bf were sharing thier own room. I would be overthinking it I think. But then again, maybe I wouldn't. My dd's BF sometimes stays over and while I don't care if he spent the night in her room, for the sake of my 16dd and my H (freaking out) I make him move to the couch before I go to bed myself. And he stays there - our house is very small and I'm a light sleeper. LOL
PS: On the other hand, who cares what others' think? I'm torn. Probably not the best person to ask about these things.
I personally would not be comfortable with them being in the same room alone. I take 17 y/o DD to visit her b/f at college and he will stay in the room with us and they usually fall asleep on the other bed "watching TV". She eventually works her way under the covers but he stays on top. I have a hard time with this and I'm only 3 feet away.
When I go to visit my oldest DD and her b/f, I will stay in a motel room since I am not comfortable with them being in the same room even though it's his house and she's almost 24 y/o.
I would first of all tell them that I am not comfortable with this and ask them to please respect your wishes on this. Explain to them you know they are sexually active and at their ages it is their business but you do agree with this and by allowing them to share a room they might take it that you approve of their pre-marital sex. I would also tell them that there is the younger child to consider and you don't want her to think that you approve of this either. You could always pull the who's paying card but I don't think I personally would go there.
I think I would get two rooms - one for the girls and one for the guys. Make them connecting doors so that the family could be together but separate when necessary.
Good Luck!
I personally would put the lovebirds in separate rooms, irregardless of whether they're sexually active.
Hi, everyone has given great suggestion on how to handle the sleeping arrangements. I have a different approach. Why take her with you at all? Family vacations are very special to us and even though DD is 25 and living with her b/f, she was going to come to Mexico with us in Dec. I had mentioned to DD that I was hoping the boys would come with DH & I when DD asked why she wasn't invited. I said I didn't think she would want to come but they were welcome if he paid his own way. My budget couldn't handle the extra cost of 2 and she has paid when going with his family. She said that she wanted one last "family" vacation and would come on her own without even discussing it with b/f.
Due to unexpected surgery, we didn't have our vacation but I have really loved the family time we have spent on past vacations. Our kids always found lot to do and people to met while travelling. Our only rule was that we had to have family dinner each night but we rarely miss eating a meal together. We also spent lots of time at the pool/beach & playing games together. The kids would hit the disco alone as it's too late for DH & I.
Dee
PS: there are 7 ys difference between DD and my youngest DS but they always find something to do together.
Taking vacations without significant others can be so much fun for siblings.