A vent (long)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2006
A vent (long)
23
Thu, 12-27-2007 - 9:43am

I haven’t posted much in the last few weeks because life in the real world has speeded up for me. Christmas was, overall, stressful, and I had more people in my house than I am use to (7 versus the normal 3). I am hoping the New Year will bring some calm and routine to my family life.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Thu, 12-27-2007 - 1:32pm

No snowflake icon, but how's about some magic dust?


Well I suppose those 'are' basic rules, but given the dynamics of the relationship between A and the friend, it's probably a good idea to lay them out right off the bat!

 

 

 

Avatar for bookwormmom
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2003
Thu, 12-27-2007 - 5:19pm

I applaud you for doing what your gut told you to do. I think many times we want to do things like this but we think there are so many obsticles in the way that we don't do it. Going with your gut instinct was a wonderful thing for you to do. This boy will remember this always, whether he stays a short or a long time with you.


Good for you and your family for taking steps to better someones life.


I'm sure Rose will be along soon and give you some BTDT advice or observations on the subject. She has a real success story in her one son.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Thu, 12-27-2007 - 6:09pm
You have a big heart, Amelia. You could be this boy's savior, and even if things change and he doesn't end up staying with you for long, what better way is there for you to teach your own children the meaning of generosity and lovingkindness?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-27-2007 - 7:17pm

Amelia, I am a sometime poster, more often lurker but I wanted to tell you what a selfless thing you are doing to bring this boy into your home. It is bound to be stressful but I commend you for taking it on. I hope that everything goes well for your and your family! Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Thu, 12-27-2007 - 8:13pm

Well, Amelia, I DO have some BTDT advice.... (I could almost have written your post 6 years ago when our DS came to stay with us for "a few days")


Actually, I can't claim this wisdom as my own, it was given to me by my DS's social worker a few days after he came to live with us, and it probably helped make things work as well for us as they did:


1. NK (new kid) has all the same responsibilities as everyone else - that means he has to take his turn washing the dishes, sweeping the floors, etc as everyone else.


2. NK has the same rules as far as curfews and acceptable activities as everyone else - and the same consequences for messing up.


3. NK is treated like any other member of the family - and that includes the good stuff, like bday presents, family trips to the amusement park, whatever.


4. NK is never made to feel like a burden in our family - so often these "throw away kids" feel like they're a problem for everyone else - which is one of the reason so many of them act out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2007
Thu, 12-27-2007 - 8:14pm

Amelia,


((((((((((hugs)))))))))))) for you!

Avatar for mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-27-2007 - 8:41pm

I have no advice, Amelia (but I think Rose covered that beautifully!) but you have all of my admiration!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-27-2007 - 9:22pm

Part of me wants to nominate you for sainthood and the other part is going "What in Sam Hill is she thinking?"

Probably because this type thing just isnt me-Im more of the glass half empty type person

Still, please seek good solid legal advice on this. There is a huge difference between letting him stay with you and making legal, medical, and educational decisions.

Is this a 'bad' home? I mean, there is a big difference between an abusive family and a single mom down on her luck. How much of his attachment to you is the stability and how much is that there is all this 'stuff' he has never had before(he IS 13, a pretty materialistic age)

I really hate to be negative-I have posted and deleted twice in fact.

But I have a coworker who went in with her heart and is struggling so much right now. Maybe in ten years she will be speaking like Rose, but right now, it is a burden on her, her marriage and her biological child

So, please, tread carefully, especially in the legal sense of all this( I know you cant control your heart).

A social worker and a good attorney would be at the top of my list in belated Xmas wishes for you

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 12-27-2007 - 9:59pm

No, I don't mind you asking at all.

 

Jenn, wife to Kurt, mom to a housefull...

DS16 Gunther, DSD13 Chandler, DS6 Liam, Baby Girl Delaney due *anym

Avatar for imomtojd
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-27-2007 - 10:02pm

What a wonderful message you're sending this child, your family and the child's family. He's not old enough to really appreciate what a blessing this is in his life, but one day he will realize how lucky he is to have you and your family. I hope all this works out well and your family dynamics don't get damaged. What a great thing you're doing.

Good luck and hopes for a very happy New Year.

Lisa