Venting and question on scheduling...

Avatar for turtletime
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-1998
Venting and question on scheduling...
15
Tue, 02-07-2012 - 12:56pm

I'm trying to get a sense of normal.

Pages

Avatar for turtletime
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-1998
Wed, 02-08-2012 - 10:51pm
You are right, I did feel as terrible as she does. Whether they deserve the pain or not, it's really hard to see your child go through it. It's even harder when it's self-imposed pain. It leaves you wondering if you are really giving your children the right tools to make it in the world.

She was a wreck yesterday. She wrote a "thank you" card to the girl who came in last minute and an apology note to the education director. Having him say he was "disappointed" hit her much harder than if I'd said it. I don't expect this will effect her standing at work as she really is an excellent aide. She's has built up a lot of "good will" by stepping in last minute every time they've asked and by taking on difficult personalities that other aides avoid. She still deserves the job but I think the uncertainty of getting a position for Spring is good for her.

The competition went well. She was just a witness so her portion of the trial was small but she knew her stuff and handled the cross-examination well even though they were throwing wrong information at her. It's a 3 day competition and so they won't know their standing until Saturday.

Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Wed, 02-08-2012 - 9:37pm

Well, venting is what we're all here to do, right, because if we took it out on our kids, they'd be emotionally scarred.

People do have different orientations in life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Wed, 02-08-2012 - 8:18pm

I may be in the minority here, but I don't think it's that unrealistic to expect a 15-year old to handle it, nor does it seem that you're really leaving her totally on her own (the Friday reminder, after a whole year of helping and guiding her!). One thing that works really well for us is to have a family meeting and go over the schedule. I think having a set time (we meet on Sunday afternoon/evening) forces ALL of us to look at our schedules. When the dds were in highschool, especially dd19, her schedule was busier than mine by quite a bit. This past summer, we were juggling jobs and cars and summer camps for all four kids. This doesn't mean that we "rescued" them... but at the family meeting when it was obvious that four people needed two cars, we would decide who needed to make alternate plans. In HS, if dd forgot to tell me about a change of plans, she might need to find a ride home....

Personally, I agree that many young people today have really poor planning skills. Even ds11 - he has SO many friends whose parents bring their kids' homework in when they forget it. We don't offer that service ;)

Avatar for turtletime
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-1998
Wed, 02-08-2012 - 12:36pm

Thanks all for letting me vent. DD had to call the education director at lunch and tell him the situation. He was very kind as always and managed to find a replacement but did say he was dissapointed she didn't come to him sooner. The education director is extremely flexible but he absolutely requires honesty and appropriate notice when it comes to conflicts. He's got a very long list of kids who want one of the only jobs available to an under 16 in our county. It could be she doesn't get a class next session. We'll see.

She's always sorry but hopefully, she'll learn her lesson this time. I actually don't expect that she's going to get everything right. My frustration is that she recognized this was going to be a problem, asked for guidance in how to handle the conflict , was given a reminder that she needed to address the issue and STILL chose to wait until the night before to solve it. She wants to wait until the last minute to write an essay... fine, that only hurts herself. She's just got to stop making the rest of the world pay for her procrastination. At this stage, organizations aren't giving ME schedules. They give them to HER and she's not been good about passing that info along. She needs to either do nothing or she needs to let others (including us, her drivers) know what she's signed on for. Even if I wanted to, I think having had mommy call for subs and informing bosses/coaches would have done more damage to our relationship than our letting her take the hit that she had in her power to avoid. I don't think it would have been good for me to put the phone in her had and watch her call either. All I really could do was give her the options and let her deal with it.

Ah parenting... I remember when she was a baby thinking it was so hard. Now I'm thinking the spit-up and sleepless nights were nothing lol.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
Wed, 02-08-2012 - 11:49am

Jordyn has really struggled this year with scheduling, partly through her own fault, and partly through the disorganization of her h/s cheer coach, and I am not the only parent that has had many issues with it this year. Even though she had the entire football, volleyball, and basketball schedule well in advance, would not let the girls know sometimes til the day before a volleyball game that they would have to cheer the next evening (they don't cheer for all games always) and then would be upset with them when they were already scheduled to work or whatever.

Jordyn also has had an issue with deciding what takes priority, whether she was committed to something first and that should come first, or whatever. And frankly, she has just overcomitted herself this year and we've had many discussions about it because while she may be able to fit it all in, her lack of sleep and study time has become such an issue that she is a grouch ALL the time! Oh, and mine is a junior, so its not like she's new to it. She is new to juggling 2 cheer teams and a part time job, but as many times as I have recommended that she par down, she hasn't yet. I have only once stepped in to help her and pull my weight as a mom, but only because it was dealing with the cheer coach after many months of disorganization that was stressing her out more than anything.

Other than that, she has a calendar, I try and keep her calendar updated on my calendar just so I have an idea of where she is, like last night, I thought she had a basketball game, but she has skipped the last two Tuesdays to go to competitive cheer practice instead, so while I had an idea where she was, I wasn't for sure until she walked through the door in her cheer uniform instead of her work/practice clothes.

To answer your ultimate question, they either learn it in high school, or when they are truly off on their own at college. ANd then some never truly learn it. All you can do is continue to do what you are doing, it sounds like you are doing the best with the given situation.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 02-08-2012 - 10:56am

Honestly if it were my child, I probably would have kept questioning her every day until she said she found a sub for work--gentle reminders are not enough for a child that age.

Avatar for turtletime
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-1998
Wed, 02-08-2012 - 10:50am
Honestly, I don't know how families keep the two households things straight. I listen to my friends and their kids try to arrange between two totally different household schedules and it does sound very difficult. I can absolutely see a child having trouble keeping track of that!
Avatar for turtletime
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-1998
Wed, 02-08-2012 - 10:19am

Wait, wait... the sky is blue... aaaand go... what color would you say it is? Sorry, but it's hard to take this seriously when you pretty much just take the negative of what anyone posts. Forgive me if I don't play along.

Avatar for turtletime
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-1998
Wed, 02-08-2012 - 10:17am

I don't expect complete success. I expect effort. Waiting until 9pm the night before a major conflict is not "effort." Especially when she asked for advice on how to handle it a week prior AND got a gentle reminder 4 days prior. My issue is her waiting until the last minute to arrange things with other people and it always causes a problem. Getting a sub a week ago would have taken 10 minutes and it would have been absolutely acceptable to her work place. Calling up the education director 4 hours before your shift with a conflict you had for a week is just inconsiderate. I absolutely expect more than that of my child and considering the sort of young people my DH has to deal with at his work (20 somethings) it's absolutely a lesson we want our children to take into life.

We always know a lot of college kids and one of the biggest complaints we hear is that they wish they were better at time management... they wish they'd been given more opportunities to handle their own schedule as teens. They have wonderful, well meaning parents but they didn't ever have to think about how to make things work. Their parents just moved them along to everything they needed to be at. It's sort of funny that they tell DD that she's lucky she's learning to handle this now while there are parents telling me she shouldn't lol.

As for downtime, she gets it when she wants it. It's always been her choice what to do and go for. She'll have weeks that are crazy busy and then weeks where she's mostly home playing her ukulele. I totally agree with you that downtime is important. It shouldn't be assumed that she has no downtime because she ended up with two events on one day this week.

Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Tue, 02-07-2012 - 10:32pm
ashmama wrote:

I don't think it's unrealistic to expect her to attempt to manage her own schedule, but it is unrealistic to expect success.

Pages