WB at it again...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
WB at it again...
11
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 9:31am

So..WB hasn't called her lately to hang out, and DD has been acting a bit odd.
So I sniff around the computer a bit and find WB actually broke up with her via e-mail.
He says their is "something missing" in their relationship. He can't quite figure it out, and wants to take a break from one another but remain friends so he can figure this out.
DD actually tries to talk him out of it. She says she "wants to make it right". (Like..she's done something wrong?) Ohh.. the joys of 15 yr old romance...

If I read between the lines, WB is either:
1. Playing a little mind game in the hope of a little sex
2. Found an easier girlfriend
3. Actually is mixed up.

This AM I asked DD how things were with Shawn since it seems he's not calling much lately. She says "fine". I understand the lie, since about two weeks ago, we were having a little Shawn conversation and I just asked her to keep her eyes and her ears open and see what is...not what she wants it to be. Maybe she's embarrassed / afraid to tell me.

Anyone care to vote? Any thoughts?

Half of this is laughable... The other half is.. well... I don't know yet.

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Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: daddioe
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 10:12am

Hey daddio - Yes, I think dd is probably a little humbled that her dad was right, once again, and is just embarrassed so she's telling you "fine" - for now.

Eventually, it will come out and you can just be there for her. Hopefully, in the meantime, she doesn't do anything stupid to get back into WB's good graces!

ps: do you really care whether or not he's just mixed up or what his motives are for breaking up with dd? I mean, this just sounds like such dramatic typical adolescent BS to me.

You're such a good dad to be so aware and perceptive!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
In reply to: daddioe
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 10:38am

<<>>

I couldn't agree more. My only concern, given his prior history, is what the little weenie thinks is "missing" and what DD thinks may be required to "fix" it.
I have to remind myself (over and over) that she can handle this and not make that immature mistake that I seem to hear about so often, of doing something stupid to "keep" a boyfriend.

Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: daddioe
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 10:54am

Yeah, I hear you. For instance, why does dd even think that it's up to her to 'fix it' or find the missing piece?? I think all of us, even as adults, are vulnerable to this type of reaction when we're dealing with a Class A manipulator, don't you?

If your dd's self esteen is for the most part intact, I'd say to take a wait and see stance and see how this unfolds. In the meantime, does she see any of her friends or go to other social events/occasions? If she's not allowing WB to become the center of her universe, that's a good sign and it's only a matter of time before she sees him for what he is - a WB and user. I hope it's sooner than later and that in the meantime, she keeps her legs crossed. Sorry to be crude, but it's something my mom used to say to me and my sisters when she didn't like our dates!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
In reply to: daddioe
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 11:09am

lol...good point.

She seems unaffected by this, at least outwardly. Still heavily involved in sports and friends.
But the LAST thing she's going to do is tell me about it, given my rather poor job of handling this situation early on. There is probably nothing more infuriating at 15, than having daddy prove right in this situation.
Of course, my goal is not to be "right" (After 28 years of marriage, I've given up trying)...:-) but just to keep her perspective on these fleeting relationships.
It's a fine line to walk as a dad, trying to instill a dose of reality and at the same time careful not to portray ALL boys as letcherous evil warthogs... :-)

Avatar for jupiterfit
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
In reply to: daddioe
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 11:17am
I understand your concern over dd trying to "make it right." Anytime a teen gets "dumped" they feel rejected and sad and that they did something wrong. Sounds like she is supervised well enough that she won't get into a compromising position. Gee... so Dad wouldn't let WB go along on the snowboard trip. Does WB realize that he just isn't going to get what he thought he could with daughter? I would say so. She has a dad that is is helping her, which I'm sure WB sees. The hard part is knowing what to say. I'd want to say that it's good that WB broke it off because she deserves better, however, I've learned that probably would not be a welcome response. Like heartsandroses said, she feels a little sheepish because Dad was right (again). But isn't it great that Dad is there for her? She might bring it up to you... hopefully. Hope WB isn't saying things about your dd to others that might cause embarrassment for her. She may be bummed out for a little while, so I hope she has things to do with other friends. Frankly, I wish I was in your shoes right now. I'd rather handle the hurt feelings over a breakup than the relationship with a guy that takes advantage of dd and is all wrong for her.
Debbie
Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: daddioe
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 11:34am

>>careful not to portray ALL boys as letcherous evil warthogs>>>

You mean they aren't?

Avatar for mily12
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
In reply to: daddioe
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 11:38am

>>I have to remind myself (over and over) that she can handle this and not make that immature mistake that I seem to hear about so often, of doing something stupid to "keep" a boyfriend.<<

You're probably right, however, don't let your guard down. Sometimes the brightest, most logical and mature individuals make regretable mistakes.

Mily

Avatar for mily12
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
In reply to: daddioe
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 11:50am

>>but just to keep her perspective on these fleeting relationships<<

Unfortunately, sometimes teen's take their relationships quite seriously. They live in the here and now and don't have the advantage of our experience. Do you think your DD had serious feelings for WB? I hope not, for her sake. You say that she seems OK on the outside. Can you normally guage her emotions or is she good at hiding them? I think I already know the answer since you sound as if you two are very close.

Good luck.

Mily

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2005
In reply to: daddioe
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 1:10pm

Daddioe,
If I have to pick one, it would be #1, but my guess is that its all of the above with a dash of #4 (kid is an immature a**) thrown in. But it doesn't matter in the long run.

Dd is probably a little embarrassed and more than a little unwilling to hear "I told you so". Even though you wouldn't say it, she'll still hear it. It's also possible that she's hopeful that wb is exeriencing temporary insanity and she doesn't want to have to backpeddle with you if they get back together. Keep your guard up, but don't assume she'll try to "make this right" by doing something wrong. It could be that this is her way of coping (as in the "bargaining" stage of grief).

She may be handling this well on the outside, but never underestimate the power of the teen drama. I've found out recently that some of the things I thought my dd sailed through ended up to be huge inward struggles.

In a week or so, approach her and say "Hey - I know something's up with weenie boy (although it might be wise to use his given name at this point) and it's ok if you don't want to talk about it - just know I'm always on your side. Then give her a big daddioe hug and - whether she allows you to see it or not - she'll be daddy's little girl again, if only for a moment.

I'm crossing my fingers that this is the end of weenie boy.....

jt

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
In reply to: daddioe
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 1:40pm

I'm just wondering how you would know he's not calling much lately...does she have a cell phone? Since my dd got one, there are no longer any calls coming in for her to the "land line".

I don't know what to tell you about this one, have no btdt experience other than my own, and well...girls can be stupid at this age, let's face it. But with a dad like you in her corner she's sure to come out alright.

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