Wedding Woes
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Wedding Woes
| Wed, 10-12-2005 - 7:35pm |
This is going to be a long one, I'm sorry about that in advance, but the situation is extremely complicated.
Almost 4 years ago, my DfosterS S came to live with us, after his family pretty much kicked him out, threw him away - at least that is his feeling.

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*Hugs* for you, and S, and C, and N, and R and...hey, lets just add the whole alphabet.
I hope things work out, and S and C have an awesome wedding, they deserve it.
Rose,
I'm afraid that I don't have any advice for you. You and your family, of all people, do not deserve this at what should be such a special time. S has worked so hard to turn things around. You and your DH and your kids and C and her family have all worked through so very much to get to this point that you all deserve this event to be a wonderful celebration of life and love.
Lia
{{Rose}} Isn't family just great? It's no surprise to me that S's "bio" family is behaving so - they've never given a real hoot about his happiness, why should they start now?
If S & C TRULY desire this wedding affair, and want it to go nicely, then S should send a letter to his aunt, cousin, sister and whoever else is involved and let them know under no uncertain terms are they to be involved in any of the wedding planning - they are guests and guests only and if they don't like it that way, then they can decline to be present. My feeling is that if he's ready to embark on a lifetime of marriage with C, then it's time he do the adult thing and address this situation and be the man he claims to be. Stand up to them and be done with it - let them know that this is where he stands, he's made his choices as to who he wants involved in his life and that's final. At some point, he's going to have to do this, it may as well be now. Then, he & C should send a joint note to and C's family and let you all know exactly what help they need in the planning and express thier gratitude in your willingness to participate.
If this is too much for either S or C, then I agree that an elopement is a very viable option for them! They can always just throw a fun, casual party later and invite whomever they wish.
Hugs and I hope it all works out for everyone!
<<...but the situation is extremely complicated.>>
Wow! You weren't kidding were you? :) How unfortunate that what is supposed to be a happy occassion for S and C is being spoiled by this kind of stress and unpleasantness by people who didn't give a hoot until now.
Since S's life was pretty miserable until he had the incredibly great fortune of finding a home with you, I think it would be nice if he could have this one day exactly as he wants it. If he only wants to invite Auntie, then Auntie is all that should be invited -- and it sounds like that is only a courtesy invitation anyway?
It doesn't sound like his bio family are the type that will respect him, his decision or anything he has to say about his wedding so I don't know that standing up to them will do much good and may only cause him a great deal of frustration for S.
I say go ahead with the shower and wedding as planned, but maybe you could change the date, time or location and 'forget' to mention it to his bio family? Blame military responsibilities or something if they find out. Is there money in the budget for security guards in case the uninvited relations decided to crash? Ok, a little strange there, but isn't that what celebrities do?
Or maybe ... arrange for a civil ceremony at the local courthouse. Not even someone with limited mental facilities would be dumb enough to try and crash there. It may be possible that the bride could still have flowers and attendants and all the niceties she wants if it was arranged far enough in advance. If they had a small, intimate reception after the ceremony, they could perhaps plan for a bigger bash at a later date and maybe by then the relatives will have forgotten about it.
A little rambly, perhaps a little silly, but I do hope this all works out exactly how S & C want it to.
I would hate to see C or S cheated out of a wedding by eloping....
I agree with Heartsandroses in that S can set down the law with his relatives. It'll be tough, but they've backed down before (regarding responsibilities, etc.), it's just as likely they'll back down now.... as far a 13 y.o., I don't know what you can do there.
Sheesh, you're in a tough spot...
cc
Thanks for all your input!
It might be cheaper to send them on a cruise and let them get married on the boat, even factoring in the cost of sending the dad along (or dad and wife).
I'm warming up to the idea of a scheduled elopement as a marriage idea. Give the kids a set of cruise tickets and $1000 in spending money and send them on their way.
Spending the kind of money that kids expect on a wedding nowadays seems so excessive to me.
ILR
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