weenie boy update....

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
weenie boy update....
11
Tue, 01-31-2006 - 11:30pm

Dads and daughters..... Where do I start... how do I condense this into the proper words..
Our two boys are 7 years and 9 years older than DD. There are not many girls in our extended family. She was not an accident.
Other than DW, she is the absolute joy and gift from God in my life. I am careful not to be her "buddy", but I completely (well... 95% of the time) enjoy the time spent with her. I know I am not buffaloed when she tells me she chooses to be alcohol and drug free. Seeing some of her brother's struggles has impacted her on that decision.
She seems to be honest with me as far as I can tell regarding what she's doing and where she is.
Enter Weenie boy...
A guy she briefly dated last year, then split (unsure who dumped who) because she wouldn't "put out." He's had several other sexual experiences with some of DD's friends.
He also got busted for pot. I REALLY don't get the dynamics of a group of friends who pass the boys around like a bowl of potato chips and everyone seems ok with it. Last weekend W.B., DD and one of W.B's exes who he was "intimate" with went snowboarding. Why would they all be comfortable with that? Maybe I'm getting old.

Part of the problem is, as Shels and others know, I simply have too much information. It's the bane of internet snooping. It's there... I look at it... It makes me crazy.

Outwardly, W.B. is a charming guy. Polite..plays racketball with his dad on a regular basis, goes to church each week..active in the youth group.. Works two part time jobs.
If it weren't for that d*** internet, I would probably actually tolerate this guy.

About half the info on him I get from DD. The other half from the Internet. The internet has been silent on W.B. for a long time.
Here it gets even more complicated...
DD says he was a complete jackass last year.She says hes changed. Regrets the sex. No longer drinks or does drugs. Regrets losing the best thing he's ever had in his life.. ya de ya de ya...She is now going back out with him.
I'm delighted that this boy has mended his evil ways, but this is *MY* DD we're talking about here.
DD has been upset with my reaction to this. She doesn't get I trust HER not HIM. My intense dislike for her "boyfriend" is probably making him more attractive. She has outright told me she has "no intention of screwing him." (Is there a shudder icon?)
So.. I think I'm being too overprotective. She needs to be allowed to find out if this guy is sincere or not. I'm just having a REALLY hard time letting go.
I need some words of wisdom and perspective. Is it time to let go? Ladies..have your DH's gone through any of this? It's not some macho BS..daughters turn us into protectors. Hopefully we can remain non-violent.. lol

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Avatar for jupiterfit
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 2:59pm
It's very hard to allow our kids to experience relationships, isn't it? Lord knows, my husband and I have struggled with this same issue for the past 9 months. Your daughter's boyfriend is still trying to figure things out too. Those teens make a lot of mistakes before they figure out the right path. Maybe your daughter will be a positive influence on him. Maybe he wants to make some changes and saw something in your daughter's character that he wanted for himself. The hard part, at least for me, is that you have to wonder if the guy's bad habits will influence your daughter. If you see that happening, you can mention it. Be prepared for a few arguments though... they don't like it if you criticize their BF! Boy, have I learned alot about that. You just have to be careful how you say things. Sometimes just asking things like, "Does BF always talk to you that way??" Then don't say anything more. At least it prompts the daughter to think about that. Even if she acts like it doesn't bother her, she at least has to stop and think about it. Perhaps down the road it will bother her. I wish you well. It is so hard... sometimes I just want to throw in the towel and say, "whatever" but we can't do that either. Every once in a while we have to gently steer them back on the right track. The trouble is, the "gently steer" part. We sometimes want to drive them back. My DH has a real problem with this. He wants to tell the kids exactly how they should act and do and say. I have to keep things from him often and just handle it myself or things really blow out of proportion. You sound pretty understanding and sensible though. Wish my DH would take lessons on listening and understanding.
Debbie

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