Well this was a first...

Avatar for kel7col4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Well this was a first...
7
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 10:46am

Just got back from the store buying 2 pregnancy tests for 2 of dd14's "friends" - more like aquaintances (one being dd's boyfriends ex-girlfriend, how awkward is that??) Apparently, these 2 girls found out I had done this last year for a friend of dd's and asked dd for one. At first I was like, they can go get it themselves and then today while at the store it hit me that if these girls were that desperate to ask dd (an aquaintance at best) for one then who was I to say "no". I sure remember being that age and it would have been nice to have that sort of help.

Am I wrong??

On I guess a good note, one of dd's friends who isn't sexually active yet, but is sure considering it, was able to convince her mom to put her on bc. I guess at the first the mom was like "No, if you are having sex, live with the consequences" but I guess soon relented. The girl spent the night the first night she took the pill and hadn't been told a lot of things. Like how to take the pill, using a condom for std's and the fact that the anti-biotics she was taking could make the pill ineffective. It was an interesting night. That was the same night dd told me those 2 girls needed tests.....I did hear a tad bit of info that I found interesting - dd and this friend were talking with me about their current boyfriends and how both boyfriends have had sex and because of this AREN'T pressuring them. Meaning they've already had it, so it's no rush to get there - I NEVER looked at it like that. I've always imagined, they've had it and that's all they want now. It was an interesting approach on the subject.

Anyway, back to the tests, I want to help these girls but I don't want to over-step my boundaries. What would you do?




iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 11:05am

I'm honestly not too sure what I would do in this situation. I think I would first ask DD to encourage these friends to ask their parents or an older friend that drives to take them. If I were the parent of one of these girls, I would be very upset if my DD didn't come to me for this. I would also want to know that my DD were sexually active so that I could get her the protection that she obviously needs. However, I know that that is an ideal situation and that alot of girls wouldn't consider going to their mom. I think I would agree to take them myself or get it for them on the condition that I get the opportunity to talk with them. When i had that opportunity, I would personally tell them that they must go to their own mom for help with this. Explain to them that if they are having sex and obviously they are or they wouldn't need the kit, then they need birth control. They need their parents involvement in obtaining it. It's just better than having to sneak around and hide things. I would also point out to them that if they are mature enough to make a well-thought-out decision about having sex, then they are mature enough to face their mom.

As I sit here and think about it, I really don't know what I would do.

Good Luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2005
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 11:25am

This is definitely a tough situation...

Usually I soooo disagree with Dear Abby; there was a letter just a few days ago where the writer was feeling such guilt for talking her DD's friend into tell her parents..

The father beat her so severely she was hospitalized and lost the baby.

You never know. My parents probably would have done something horrible, especially as I was repeatedly threatened should I get pregnant... the saddest part was that I hadn't even had sex when it began.

Kel, I think you did the right thing. You aren't responsible for these girls' problems, with sex, birth control, or their families. And if you can do something as simple as buy them tests, then I say you did the right thing.

Yeah, I'm a little biased having come from a violent dysfunctional family...

zz

Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 4:17pm

I probably would have bought the tests, though you do have to be careful...you don't want to get a name around the school yard as being the mom who supports unprotected or premarital sex, KWIM?

If one of my dds' friends asked me I'd have no problem buying them what they needed, however, if it were an acquaintance I might be more hesitant to get involved without having a direct conversation with the girl asking. I would like to get a 'feel' for the kid before getting involved, that's all.

I can just imagine the horrible scene that would take place on your doorstep should one of the parents of those girls find out...you just never know.

Be helpful, but be careful. My MIL once got fired from her job for providing adolescent girls with the pill back in the late 70's...she was a nurse at a correctional juvenile detention center for teen girls and when the boss found out, she was fired on the spot. It was strictly against thier policy to provide any level of BC to these girls and my MIL just thought "if they are going to have sex, they should at least be protected". I tend to agree with her, however, the price was too high.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2006
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 5:26pm

IMO it's nice that the girls can have someone to confide in and seek help from when needed. I had someone like you when I was a teen and my mom was that person to some of my friends. When you can't talk to your own mom, it's nice to have someone else to rely on.


You did the right thing in my

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Avatar for kel7col4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 5:54pm

Thank you all for your opinions :)

If this was a close friend of dd's I would have no hesitation in doing this as most of dd's friends do talk to me and for the most part have gone to their parents about such things. I really don't want to be "the lady that will buy you a pregnancy tests" lol that's why I reacted the way I did originally. They are able to find the rides to the parties they go to and have the money to buy the booze/beer they drink - why can't they put the 2 together and buy a pregnancy test LOL

I think I will do it this time - dd told the aquaintances we had some laying around the house (LOL yeah that's a household staple!!) but I will tell her in the future if I have never/will never talk to these girls they are on their own depending on the situation. Idk when I thought about it all I was doing was buying a $5 test - no more involved than that.

Thanks again :)




iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 6:26pm

One thing to consider is we want them to use birth control to prevent the pregnancy, not rely on pregnancy tests and then, I assume, abortions. So, being acquaintances, it's probably hard to tell if this is a first time, one time thing or an ongoing habit(didnt get pregnant again-woohoo-see, all that birth control talk is nonsense)

So yeah, I agree you should stick to what you agreed to but make sure dd is clear for the future.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 6:44am

I'm with tobylady on this one, I'm not sure what I would do, but the girls definitely need to talk to their moms.


I find the take on the "sexually experienced b/fs" interesting though.