Wow, you sound panicked. Take a breath. I think it all depends on so many different factors from a teens personality to her relationship with her parents, to who she's hanging out with to who she's going steady with, where she/he lives, etc.; just so many things. It's really hard to list out in age which activity with occur and when, you know what I mean?
My oldest dd is really sensitive and thinks about everything a lot. It took her a long time to make the decision and since I've always been very open and discussed my personal morals and values in that regard, she came to me when she made the choice to be sexually active with her bf (prom night at a hotel - very well planned out I might add). She was 17 and at the end of her Junior year in HS.
My youngest is a bit more impulsive in her decision making and didn't really think it through too much, but thankfully, she and her bf were together for about 1.5 years and neither of them were disrespectful of the other. She was 15, almost 16 and she told me the same night it happened (at his house btw with his parents right upstairs!).
Thankfully, we had always had discussions about the emotional as well as the physical impact of becoming sexually active, protecting themselves from STD's and personal hygiene, using double protection, and being respectful of themselves and their partner. Although it started earlier for my younger dd, I am happy in knowing that each dd had an overall positive experience. Just remember to have a lot of communication, without judgement and ridicule if your teens disagree with you. You can only do what you can do and make sure they are as well educated as they need to be - the rest if up to them!
I agree with Marie, I see more teens that aren't supervised than ones that are. I also agree that you would be very surpised where and when they find time to have sex.
I am good friends with one of the middle school principals and am on the school planning team at that school. There have been kids caught having oral sex during the school day in a more secluded area of the school. YES, I am talking about middle schoolers right in the school. They skipped class or lunch and went where they thought the wouldn't be caught. Little did they know they weren't the first to use that area and it is checked on a pretty regular basis.
Last year a boy in one of my dd's classes (jr yr.) asked if she would meet him in the small aud to make out, another one asked her to go in the "stacks" in the library with him. So you see it can even happen in school. (Oh by the way, she said no to both the boys)
When they are out with friends there are all kinds of things that go on. They will cover for their friends when they need it too. Now I'm not saying all of them do this, but it is pretty common practice. We even know kids that meet in the cemetary after dark.
Like they have said before on this board many a time, where there's a will there's a way.
As for when they become active....the first response is so right. It depends on a lot of different factors. My dd has had a "boyfriend" since 3 yr old nursery school, there is always someone she likes or is dating. I'm surprised that it has gone this long before she has thought about wanting to be active. On the other hand my ds who is 15 couldn't care less about getting involved with dating.
As far as your own girls are concerned, keep that communication open, talk to them about sex, being safe and what it's effects are on a person. Talk about everything and be clear about safety and respect. They may start earlier than you want, or they may wait. There is no way of knowing.
There is no game card as to when kids become sexually active or not. It is an individual thing, dependent on many factors. There are kids that start experimenting early. They always has been;nothing new about that. They have high sex drives and lower impulse control. And there are other kids who are not active early. H**l, there are adults who are not sexually active till the late 20s.
Wow, you sound panicked. Take a breath. I think it all depends on so many different factors from a teens personality to her relationship with her parents, to who she's hanging out with to who she's going steady with, where she/he lives, etc.; just so many things. It's really hard to list out in age which activity with occur and when, you know what I mean?
My oldest dd is really sensitive and thinks about everything a lot. It took her a long time to make the decision and since I've always been very open and discussed my personal morals and values in that regard, she came to me when she made the choice to be sexually active with her bf (prom night at a hotel - very well planned out I might add). She was 17 and at the end of her Junior year in HS.
My youngest is a bit more impulsive in her decision making and didn't really think it through too much, but thankfully, she and her bf were together for about 1.5 years and neither of them were disrespectful of the other. She was 15, almost 16 and she told me the same night it happened (at his house btw with his parents right upstairs!).
Thankfully, we had always had discussions about the emotional as well as the physical impact of becoming sexually active, protecting themselves from STD's and personal hygiene, using double protection, and being respectful of themselves and their partner. Although it started earlier for my younger dd, I am happy in knowing that each dd had an overall positive experience. Just remember to have a lot of communication, without judgement and ridicule if your teens disagree with you. You can only do what you can do and make sure they are as well educated as they need to be - the rest if up to them!
I agree with Marie, I see more teens that aren't supervised than ones that are. I also agree that you would be very surpised where and when they find time to have sex.
I am good friends with one of the middle school principals and am on the school planning team at that school. There have been kids caught having oral sex during the school day in a more secluded area of the school. YES, I am talking about middle schoolers right in the school. They skipped class or lunch and went where they thought the wouldn't be caught. Little did they know they weren't the first to use that area and it is checked on a pretty regular basis.
Last year a boy in one of my dd's classes (jr yr.) asked if she would meet him in the small aud to make out, another one asked her to go in the "stacks" in the library with him. So you see it can even happen in school. (Oh by the way, she said no to both the boys)
When they are out with friends there are all kinds of things that go on. They will cover for their friends when they need it too. Now I'm not saying all of them do this, but it is pretty common practice. We even know kids that meet in the cemetary after dark.
Like they have said before on this board many a time, where there's a will there's a way.
As for when they become active....the first response is so right. It depends on a lot of different factors. My dd has had a "boyfriend" since 3 yr old nursery school, there is always someone she likes or is dating. I'm surprised that it has gone this long before she has thought about wanting to be active. On the other hand my ds who is 15 couldn't care less about getting involved with dating.
As far as your own girls are concerned, keep that communication open, talk to them about sex, being safe and what it's effects are on a person. Talk about everything and be clear about safety and respect. They may start earlier than you want, or they may wait. There is no way of knowing.
When I hear parents get all "surprised" that teenagers may be having sex I suspect that those parents have
Huh?
There is no game card as to when kids become sexually active or not. It is an individual thing, dependent on many factors. There are kids that start experimenting early. They always has been;nothing new about that. They have high sex drives and lower impulse control. And there are other kids who are not active early. H**l, there are adults who are not sexually active till the late 20s.
I would not expect anything.