What constitutes Sexual Harassment?
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 01-30-2007 - 3:58pm |
Thought I would pose the question to everyone. I was surfing today and found an article called Hostile Hallways. It talks about teenage sexual harassment and states "The most common forms of harassment in school,say students, include making sexual comments,jokes, gestures, or looks; spreading sexual rumors;and calling others gay or lesbian. Girls and boys also
rank nonphysical forms among the most upsetting types of harassment."
All my employment required training and I never associated this with teenagers. Go figure...
Anyway...most school districts have a strict Sexual Harassment policy. I am not sure that DD wants to go there, but it is an option to bring some visibility to the malicious rumors NB keeps starting.
You have been so helpful with comments about DD and Mean Girl. Comments?

Hi,
I'm the one who suggested the 'Queen Bees' book on your earlier thread. I did read the other posts, but didn't reply to any after my original one.
However, one person did mention contacting the school counselor, and if your DD is still being harrassed by NB, then I think you should take it one step further.
When my DD had her 'mean girl' episode in 8th grade, it didn't die a natural death as I expected it would. It seemed to go on for weeks. I guess middle school kids really thrive on that sort of drama.
So I called the school counselor. You would be surprised at how gifted ms counselors are at handling this sort of thing. What I was told by mine here is that she would call the girl/s involved, including my DD, into her office and would say something like "the teachers/janitors/lunchroom supervisors (whoever) have overhead/noticed/observed some inappropriate language/behavior/conversations between you girls. You do not have to be friends, you do not have to like one another, but you DO have to be show respect to each other. I'll be out in the halls/cafeteria/etc. to make sure this stops because there is no excuse or reason for this sort of behavior and you WILL stop."
This way, no one is accused directly, no one knows where the 'leak' came from because the counselor words it in such a way that everyone involved thinks it really did come from an adult on the school grounds.
Talk to your counselor. They are also very keen on keeping confidences and you can review the school's sexual harrassment policy with her.
I told my DD that I was going to do this, before I actually did and by then, she was so stressed out that she was fine with it. And when she learned exactly how the counselor would deal with it, she was really fine with it.
Keep us posted; I know how trying this is.
{{{hugs}}}
Julie
You are so right about counselors being talented at not letting kids know how they know about the problems out there. Our counselor at the high school is a real artist at this.
A few weeks before Christmas DD N 15 told me that she was glad that her b/f T 16 was not going to be in school because then she wouldn't have to deal with R (17 y/o boy)grabbing her butt and boobs to get at T. In other words, she was being used as a pawn in R's beef with T. If she said anything to R about his unwecome groping, he'd make a comment about how she didn't seem to care if T grabbed her butt, so what was the problem?? She didn't feel like she could claim harrassment because he was doing it to harrass T, not her... a viewpoint I did not agree with and told her so. After a couple of days of hearing her talk about this, I called the school counselor who promised me she wouldn't let N know I'd call her, but she'd deal with it. The counselor is also the cheer coach, and that night when N came home from practice she told me about the conversation that took place at practice. The counselor opened the door by talking about personal boundaries, what's appropriate, and how, just because they were cheerleaders, that doesn't allow boys to make inappropriate comments about them (which has also been a problem during games). Counselor then opened the door for more conversation about boundary problems, and pretty soon N told her about R's inappropriate touching her to upset T. Counselor not only told N that it didn't matter why R was doing it, it was still sexual harrassment, but also told the girls that just because they allowed their b/f's certain "liberties", that didn't mean that other boys should feel like they could also take those "liberties." N was so happy with the counselor coz "she could almost read my mind mom!!" - N never had a clue that the whole conversation was staged because I'd called the counselor.
Rose
Our school district was sued a few years ago by a group of gay teens who felt that the high school staff, teachers had not done enough to stop the harrassment they encountered from other kids.
I'm sorry - I have to disagree that the rule is useless - perhaps just misworded.
As the parent of two Gay DS (15 and 18), I have seen both sides of the fence. For the most part, neither of my son's has been significantly harrassed (my older one had the word "fag" scratched into his locker last year), at least not to MY knowledge - I'm sure there's much they're keeping quiet. However, the administration in my school system places great weight on the "perception of the victim" and zero tolerance for bullying and harrassment - so these kids know that if they DO harass my children (or any other children for any reason), there will be trouble.
NJ school systems also have reciprocal agreements with police departments that allow them to extend their arms beyond the boundaries of the school. A young man posted obnoxious and insulting poetry about my son on his myspace (from home). That boy was suspended for three days and forced to write a 3,000 word essay on bullying and tolerance.
Have all these things stopped the harrassment of gay kids (or overweight kids, or developmentally disabled kids, or not financially affluent kids, or not particularly attractive kids)? Nope - it will go on forever. Just like the abolisioning of slavery didn't stop the harrassment of African Americans - and in fact, in 2007, there is STILL racial harrassment going on. But that doesn't mean that any attempt whatsoever to eliminate potentially inflammatory behavior shouldn't be made.
In my "hayday," the word "gay" was used to mean happy - pleasant - cheerful. It is now meant to describe homosexuality. Whether we like it or not, that is what the term "gay" brings to mind in anyone who hears it.
To say that the word "gay" was being used just to describe something that was dumb or not cool, and is used out of context to describe things that have no relation to homosexuality, is probably true. That doesn't change the fact that a word that is used most often to describe homosexuality should NOT be used in a negative manner about something else.
Banning the word n***** from schools and public conversation hasn't altered our harrassment of blacks. That doesn't make it right.
The essay is a good idea - they shouldn't be writing one in 8th grade - but at least once a year - tolerance is something schools should teach more of - and a lack of it is something they should take less of.
As for your son getting "arrested" because he calls something dumb gay or something not cool gay, he is using a word that describes MY children to describe something else in a negative light. Tell him to use the words "dumb" and "not cool" and he should be fine.
I'm sorry if this sounds a little harsh - it's obviously something close to my heart.
Thanks for the input, I know this is a subject close to your heart.
> > Nobody can beat the public school system when it comes to useless rules...< <
bwhahahahahaha!!! OMG, truer words were never spoken....