what to do about overweight teen?
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| Thu, 09-28-2006 - 11:09am |
I posted the good things that have been happening w/ my 16 yo DSD in another post, so don't think I am picking on her for this, ok?
My DSD is about 5'10" and quite overweight. Her (deceased) mother was about 6 ft. tall and a big woman, so I know that my DSD isn't ever going to be a thin girl. I'm not obsessed about weight either and I know I could use a few pounds. But I just see my DSD getting bigger & bigger and I'm not sure if I should say anything or to whom. She hasn't been able to buy clothes in the regular misses dept. for a few years. We have to buy her jeans at Lane Bryant. I didn't go w/ her this year, but last year she wore about a size 22.
She has done what I consider to be almost binge eating of junk food lately. It's hard to monitor because the kids are alone after school. There are days when my kids eat too much, but if I see my 11 yo son starting w/ the junk food, I will tell him that he can't eat any more. For ex., I had bought a 1/2 gal. of ice cream 2 nights ago. My DS made a milk shake w/ his and my DD ate 1 dish. Yesterday afternoon they were both out, then they looked in the box and it was almost all gone. Then they start complaining to me that their DSS eats too much. I tell my DS to mind his own business. Some days if he goes to the grocery store w/ me, he will tell me not to even buy any junk food. I don't know, that seems kind of extreme, but then again if there's a box of cookies around, I can eat 2 or 3 in one night, I don't have to eat 1/2 the box. Then last night I told him that he was eating too many cookies and his response was that "I should eat them before E. eats the rest of the box." Since my DS is young enough to still have snack time in school, it has gotten to the point that I have to hide his snacks so he will have enough for a week. We went to a wholesale club and bought a box of 12 brownies before the weekend and by Mon. there was only 1 left. Both my kids were gone on the weekend. My DS probably had a couple before he left.
My DH really isn't any help. I don't know if he's oblivious to the fact that his DD is so overweight. He's kind of overweight himself. His eating habits are very bad. He works from 6:30 a.m. to 6:00 p.m., doesn't usually eat breakfast or lunch. Then he will eat a normal dinner, but he will then eat junk food while watching TV. He even has to have his own stash that he keeps next to his chair and had yelled at the kids for eating his food w/o permission (guess which one of them eats his food and won't admit it?)
So I don't know if I should bring something up to him or not. I don't feel comfortable talking to her since we aren't close and I think she would be embarrassed. But I hate to see a young girl getting so big cause I sure know that as you get older, it's much harder to lose weight. I do think a lot of it is either emotional eating or just caused by boredom. She doesn't get that much exercise except that we have a basketball hoop in the backyard, so she does play that. I posted on another message that she wants to get a job after school so that will be good, except that I thought about the fact that in after school daycare, they usually give the kids a juice and a snack. At least it will only be one.

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I feel like I put you in a position of having to defend your family and if I made you feel that way, I'm terribly sorry. I do recall some of the posts of the problems with DSD and DH and I do agree you've come a very long way. I meant to simply suggest that this might be one project that they whole family could participate in and offer one another some encouragement with. It might also serve to help DSD to loose the weight and feel better about herself all at the same time without making her feeling singled out.
I agree you've come along way as a family. I completely know what you mean about DH not relating to teens. Most of DD's friends are so intimidated by DH. The oldest one only had one friend that wasn't petrified of him - he was drinking pretty heavily during her teen years. He was rarely sloppy, fall down drunk but he was in a really lousy mood most of the time. Then combine that with teen, giggly girls - not a good combination. Her only friend that is fond of my DH is my best friends DD. Her dad walked out on her mom while the mom was in the hospital from a miscarriage. The girl was 5 at the time. Two years later her big sister died in a car accident and her mom had a real hard time dealing. So DH had a soft spot for her and even grumpy old DH was a better "dad" to her than her bio dad.
YOungest DD went through teen years after DH stopped drinking so it was a little better. But once again, he never really got the teen giggly girl stage. He was great with the girls on a softball field but rarely allowed slumber parties or what not. She had maybe 3 friends that got along with DH. Once again, two of them from really bad homes and whom we had known since birth. The other was a ball friend and got to know him on the field.
I can't convince him to go along with the healthy lifestyle either but at least didn't grumble when it was for DD sake's. He ate his chicken w/o saying a word but never, ever took seconds b/c it wasn't fried. OR he would make-up some fixit job at his mom's right at dinner time - at least he didn't drink on those nights. No way will he touch healthy food now - it's not happening!!
Good Luck and hang in there.
There's not much you can do if everyone isn't on board - and quite frankly it sounds like dad isn't there.
In my house, I don't keep *any* junk food. No bags of chips, rarely any pop. What there is plenty of is fresh fruit and vegetables like carrots, etc. that are good for snacking. I was buying ice cream over the summer, but honestly I stopped because ODD was eating too much of it. As another poster said, ice cream bars have portion control built in, and I switched to popsicles (which have no fat).
Has dad been to the doctor for a checkup? How's his cholesterol?
With teens, it's better to focus on health and activities. My dad has heart disease, and their dad has high cholesterol, so I emphasize healthy eating above all. We all have bikes, and we've gone on bike rides together (in addition to walking the dogs). For teens, it's hard to decide if family activity will work but you can give it a try.
Sheri DH
I agree with the idea of making it a "family health
The ironic part to all this is that my kids spent the weekend w/ their dad and my 11 yo DS came home saying he was on a "diet." Now my DS is actually small for his age--short and pretty skinny, but he thinks he is fat. He doesn't even like to wear shorts to school because he doesn't like his legs. I don't know why, because they are very normal sized legs, neither skinny nor fat. I have told him many times he isn't fat and he doesn't need to go on a diet, but that to be healthy he should eat food that is good for him, not too much junk and to exercise. My ex tends to be excessive about food and dieting. He has told my DS not to get french fries at school lunch any more (the school won't let them buy just fries, they have to either buy the whole lunch or have something from home) or to buy ice cream. My DS wasn't buying fries every day either. I am not a person who thinks that a total ban on snacks is really necessary. I think everything in moderation is ok. Like an ice cream once or twice a week isn't going to kill him. Or a couple of cookies a night. The way my DS obsesses over things, you have to be really careful w/ what you tell him. My ex could be setting him off on the path to anorexia. I guess I am really mad that he called it a "diet" and it seems like he's telling our DS to lose weight, instead of just emphasizing health eating, which I do agree with. I do think I will just have to cut down on buying snacks cause if they aren't in the house, then noone can eat them.
Last night I did grocery shopping. When I was on the way to the store, I asked my DH if he wanted anything and he said no. Then when I got home, he said "you didn't get anything for me." I felt like hitting him over the head. I said "didn't I ask you what you wanted?" It wasn't like I felt like grocery shopping anyway, which I hate. I reminded him that he still had some Devil Dogs left. I did buy a small box of Pop Tarts (my son's last fling before his diet) and my DH ate one of the packages of 2. He is like a little kid--he is so worried that he won't get his share of something, as opposed to me. If there is only a small amount of something left, I will let the kids have it. He has to make sure he gets it first. I know there were 5 kids in his family, but they weren't poor, so I'm pretty sure they had enough to eat!
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I get the exact same thing only last time, he went with me b/c he was complaining that there wasn't anything in the house. The only thing he put in the buggy was a box of crackers. Right as we were heading for the checkout line, I asked him again if there was anything that he wanted - he said no he was fine. But then the very next day, he commented there wasn't anything for supper. GRRRR!!!! Anyone wanting to eat healthy had plenty to eat. He wound up fixing himself pancakes - again.
I've just decided that his poor habits are not going to kill me. He's a grown man and can make his own decisions and his own meals, if necessary.
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