What do I do now?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2008
What do I do now?
18
Mon, 02-28-2011 - 12:53am

I've always told my daughter (age 17) that she could tell me anything, and that I would not get upset. She's pretty much been honest with me (I think). I've never caught her lying to me, anyway. Recently, she asked if she could go on the pill. (Seasonique-the kind that lets you have 4 periods a year) I asked if that was what she wanted it for, and she replied, "Yes mom, I still have my "V-card." I told her that I would get her an appt and she could discuss it with a doctor. If the doctor thinks it's safe, I told her it would be ok. I also told her that the pill was not a green light to have unprotected sex...to which she rolled her eyes. She doesn't have a bf, there's a boy she likes, but he lives 60 miles away.

The other issue is more tricky. She told me that she went to a party over the weekend and there was alcohol (among other things). Not too surprising these days. Then without my asking, she told me that she wanted me to know that she had a couple of drinks, but she didn't get drunk. She was offered other things(pot I'm guessing), but said no. I asked if she got in a car with anyone who'd been drinking, and she said no again. Then we had the talk (again) about all the stupid things that you might do drunk that you otherwise would never do, and how you might be taken advantage of. I asked where the kids at the party got alcohol, but she didn't know. It was just "there" I guess. I told her I was glad she was truthful with me, but at the same, underage drinking is illegal and there are consequences. I did not get mad or throw a fit and ground her. I'm concerned if I did that, she would just do whatever she wanted, but not tell me.

I'm a little uneasy. I don't want to be a permissive parent, but then again, if she makes a mistake, I don't want her to be afraid of me. I

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2008
Sat, 03-05-2011 - 11:34pm

Thank you! That's a good point. I certainly don't want her to be jumping from bed to bed looking for somebody or something that may not be there. She's the kind of girl who goes immediately crazy over somebody, but just as quickly seems to lose interest, so that's really not good. I believe that she hasn't had sex yet, I may be wrong...but I just think I would know. IDK about getting on the pill though, I think it will be easy for her to take it lightly. I'm definitely taking her to the doc, though. If she is thinking about it, I'd rather she be protected. There are several pregnant teens at her HS. She's told me a couple of her friends had sex just to "get it over with"!!!!!! That's crazy. That makes it sound like they're running out of time or something...don't they realize they have their whole lives ahead of them? One girl(15 at the time)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
Fri, 03-04-2011 - 12:57am

When I found my daughters were SA, I cried.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2008
Wed, 03-02-2011 - 10:20pm

Ugh. I asked my gyno about those shots for her when she was 12 or 13, and he told me they were useless. He said that it did not offer the protection it claimed to and was a waste of time.

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Wed, 03-02-2011 - 10:33am

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
Wed, 03-02-2011 - 12:35am
Meant to say that the pills girls take today are NOT as powerful as the pills their mothers and grandmothers took. I left out the NOT above.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
Wed, 03-02-2011 - 12:29am

Four period a year may sound nice to her.

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Tue, 03-01-2011 - 9:10am
I find the pill thing a separate issue from the party. If you're comfortable with permitting it, I'd say let that one happen as next year she'd likely do it on her own anyway. On the party, I think your talking was adequate - now just keep an eye on things. Constant lectures or reminders are only going to put distance between you. I was the type that told once, I knew better - ds18 wasn't but he's very different than me. Go with your gut - and keep both eyes open, but try to stay close. Can be a very delicate balance.

Sue
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2008
Mon, 02-28-2011 - 7:24pm

As far as I know, this is the first party she's ever been to where that sort of stuff was available. I'm pretty sure it's true because most of the time all her friends come to our house.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2001
Mon, 02-28-2011 - 1:45pm

"That said, we also told our kids they could tell us anything.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2001
Mon, 02-28-2011 - 1:30pm

"Good" kids or "bad" kids doesn't matter.

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