What do you do when you
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What do you do when you
| Thu, 06-07-2007 - 5:31pm |
really just want to say "F#$ck" it? As you can tell, Im pretty upset right now. My 14 yr. old daughter is so incredibly mean and hateful towards me. I try, and I try but nothing I do is good enough. This morning she was pissed at me because I "rationed" out the $20.00 bottle of hair product that I bought for both of us to use. She has a tendency to go overboard with the hair product so instead of leaving it in the bathroom and finding it gone in a few days I've kept it hidden in my room. Like I said, I've been giving her a glob of it in the morning. Anyway, she's pissed about that and was throwing things all over the house. I went to the thrift store this morning and found 2 pairs of Abercrombie jeans. We have an awesome thrift store here with almost all name brand things. The jeans were $6.oo each. So, I bought them and when I showed them to her before washing them she snickered and just looked at me with this nasty glare and was like "mmmmm..i'm not sure that I like them" Okay, for $6 I will find someone who will take them. Grrrrrr..I'm just so sick of being treated like crap! I work as a social worker and I work with low income pregnant teens who live in impoverished situations. One of my girls was induced last night and her mother was there for like an hour but because she is a drug addict she took off. Now my girl is all alone. She called me up begging me to come be with her. I had to tell her that I couldn't because I have to stay home with my incredibly ungrateful daughter (my husband works nights so she would be home all night alone). Most of my girls love the attention and caring that I give them, but not my own daughter. I feel like saying that to her. I'm just very hurt right now. She doesn't know how good she has it. I'm sorry that I'm rambling, but the other day our cat peed on her bed(she is like 100 yrs. old and has started to become incontinent)so my daughter has been sleeping on a mattress on my floor. I told her that the sheets and blankets needed to be washed but never specified who would be doing it. So, tonite when she comes in to sleep on the mattress because all of the blankets are still sitting on her bed, I'm going to say no. Then she is going to look at me and say "well, where am i supposed to sleep?" and to that I will say that it's not my problem. Allright, I'm done venting. Thank You for listening :)I feel better!

Hugs to you!
My DFS has long said, anything that comes too easily isn't appreciated, kids should have to work for the extras that they get.
He's always been very appreciative of anything and everything that we've done for him, much like your teen clients.
Spending some time with "the girls" might be a good idea Pam.
Actually, I had a discussion along this line with a couple of my coworkers today.
Ummmm, let me see. Buy her the $0.96 bottle of shampoo from Wal-Mart. Stop buying her any name brand jeans, except the cheap ones from the thrift store. Yep, let her wash her own sheets.
I don't really have a lot of advice to you, except this: Don't do ANYTHING else for her. Strip her room out to the bare minimum, leave her the yuckiest clothes she's got in her closet, preferably the ones she's been refusing to wear. Take away all electronics, quit running her anywhere or giving her anything except the bare essentials. Take all of her nice clothes to the thrift store and sell them (I'd probably leave one set and keep it with me for something nice to wear if she had to have it, but it would be very plain and modest).
You work with girls who have nothing and no way of getting any better. You KNOW she doesn't need most of what she has. You need to realize that she really doesn't deserve anything right now either. She's just doing it because she can and it's time she be taught the correct way to treat people. You are a wonderful person and the girls you help show you that. Take some of the $$ you spend on your ungrateful daughter and do something that YOU want to do. Something that you've been neglecting, or putting off, KWIM?
Best wishes
Sallie
{{{{hugs}}}}
I think we have all been there one time or another. I totally agree with letting her do without some things and to give her a chance to see what you *do* do for her. You can't *force* them to appreciate all you do for them, they have to come to that realization on their own. You can, however, help them to reach that realization a little sooner. ;)
I rememeber when my boys were younger I got sick to death of doing it all, with not only no thanks, but with their constant attitude of entitlement. I went on strike. I quit washing their clothes, I quit buying the snacks they liked, I set a firm limit on clothing allowance and kept it down to necessities; shoot, I just about quit cleaning house. I didn't clean their bathroom or their rooms (of course, I hadn't cleaned their rooms in ages, that had pretty much been their deal from the beginning). I completely quit buying them "stuff". Want a new CD, or toy, or movie rental? Nope. Sorry. Want to go to your friend's house? Sure, but you can walk there. (We live in a small town, we can still do that here.) Want to go to the movies with your buddies? What are you going to do for me in order to *get* the money for the movies? The yard needs mowed or the kitchen needs to be cleaned and mopped and the living room needs vacuuming. That'll get you ten bucks, maybe. You think you have it so bad??? I'll show you just have bad you really have it. It got pretty hairy there for awhile, but it worked. Of course, we had the talks about all 3 of us live here, it takes 3 to make this mess and it will take 3 to clean it, etc etc etc. Yep, making them do without for awhile makes them appreciate you a little bit more.
In other words, now is the time to quit trying! :)
And I had to LOL at you hiding your hair product from your dd. I don't have that particular problem (and it's not because I have boys--they use it but I don't!!) but I have hidden things like the very special chocolate my friend would bring me from Belguim in my room so the boys wouldn't eat it!! I totally understand. :)
Oh, and she'll get mad. She's liable to get really mad. :) You know that old saying about she can get glad in the same pants she got mad in? Just keep repeating that to yourself and totally ignore her little hissy fits. No big deal. It's alot like they when they were 2 and throwing temper tantrums. Ignore, ignore, ignore.
And then come vent here when you need to. :) We're here for you.
What I do when I feel like saying "f&&k it" is come here and vent, or call a friend, or go for a walk.
What I don't do is take it out on my daughter - or if I do, I come back later and apologize.
I can hear that you're frustrated, and that your daughter is being snotty and mean. But hiding the hair gel or mousse? That would piss me off and *make* me want to be snotty. It's so demeaning.
I suggest two strategies. Say to yourself - "this is a phase. She's a whiny teenager. She will outgrow this." She will not be 14 forever, and one day you'll be amazed at what a great adult she is. Teenagers don't have that time perspective - that one day they'll be 20 and then 30, but we do. So, we don't have to take the bait every time they're snotty to us, we know we can wait it out a little.
Then, talk to your daughter - tell her what you told us - in a way she can hear it. I think at this age you can be up front about money things and feelings of entitlement. Or give her an allowance and then let her buy her own clothes and hair stuff - if she pays for it, she'll notice how much it costs. And you get out of the bind of paying and paying and paying and then being resentful.
Sue
I don't think I would do anything out of anger that I would regret later, so I'm glad you chimed in. I think the 14 yo age is an ordeal but they do get a little better as they get older. It really takes about til the time they are ready to go away to college and still it's not perfect by then. But at least after they are old enough to work, then they are buying their own clothes, so it's up to them if they want to spend extra for designer stuff.
I certainly wouldn't throw away clothes that are already bought. If she doesn't like the jeans from the thrift store, I would either return them, if possible, and not get anything else for her, or give them to the poor girls who will really appreciate them. then the next time she needs clothes, and I'm sure there will be a next time since she's probably still growing, say this is the amt. I can spend on clothes, you can pick out what you want.
And if she wants money for extra stuff, then helping around the house would be a good way to earn the money.
My DH tells a story about how his nephew wanted expensive sneakers until he had to work for them and spend his own money, then the calculation of how many hours he had to work to get them really didn't add up.
And I agree that any kind of volunteer work would be great too. Sometimes we get so caught up in our little suburban world and what we don't have compared to others that we don't think about how lucky we are compared to a lot of other people.