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| Tue, 05-02-2006 - 3:37pm |
The regulars know that I have had some trouble with 14dd so one of the things I do regularly is monitor the computer. She recently started the my space thing, which is something my 16ds has been doing for some time. I've let both kids know that I monitor and that the internet is not private at length. But one day my ds16 walked in and saw that I had assessed my dd's myspace page, and he knows the only way to do that is to have the password. I admitted I have all passwords b/c of the spyware on my computer.
He immediately wanted to know if I'd been on his my space (I had, but not much). He felt kind of offended, and rightfully so in a way because he has never done anything to lose my trust. I explained the dangers of my space, etc. He talked about the "drama", etc. that goes on between friends and how I really have no need to know about that. I agree. He likened it to my installing a camera in his bedroom. By now, I was feeling guilty. I once again explained how the internet is not private, etc. and perfect strangers can see what he's doing. He explained that it didn't matter as much if they didn't "know him". Again, he has never done anything objectionable, on my space or otherwise. Not only is his page set to private, but he recently changed the way to find him by his first and middle initial, so that not just anybody could find him (by first and last name). The language being used on my space is not desirable, but the teens do talk that way to each other. My ds16 is one of the few in his group who doesn't smoke, drink, or otherwise - he calls himself "straight edge". I've done enough monitoring to know he's telling the truth.
What do you think? Do I monitor his my space or not?

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IMO anything out there in cyber-space is free game and that's what these tech-savvy kids just don't seem to 'get'.
I agree.. Sites like MySpace are public forums.
They are very different from a locked diary. Parents have a duty to monitor their children's internet use for the child's and for the parent's safety. For example, the child may innocently post information that can help someone trace where you live.
Some of these sites can actually act like "portals" into your home computer. If you don't have a secure system, a person can "hack into" your computer and steal personal information. Virus/worms can also be inadvertively downloaded. Spyware is also a serious problem. These programs monitor your internet use and send back information.
The internet is like an "open door" to your life.
I think monitor. Why may I ask did you have to actually log on to the page? I monitor most of DD's myspace from her friends sites. Never having to log on myself. I also have a monitoring program that sends me reports of computer usage, websites visited etc. If requested it also sends me transcripts of IMs, E-mails and other such stuff. I just look over them...make sure she is signing off when she is supposed to and not using when she isnt supposed to as well as yes any inappropriate stuff from her or her friends. Its pretty private, sent in e-mail form etc. There are others out there that "record" every computer use like a video.
In my opinion I totally respect DD privacy, I am a strong advocate of it, but keeping in mind that she is 13, and takes the warnings about predators online and in real life as a "will never happen to me" scenario, I can not be too careful, or watchful of her. I'd rather be called a "snooper" than a poor parent whose child was a victim of some sick person/s. I mean we are speaking of a child who when told not to walk from school through certain streets because X number of registered sex offenders are known to live around there...walks through the very next day becuase she wanted to go to the jamba juice down the street from there. children and teens just sometimes dont get the dangers that are out there. Diary,journal, room etc..Its just DD and her thoughts...Respect it. Internet....everyone is out there with her, monitor it.
My main concern is probably the "cyber bullying" we are starting to hear more and more about. I don't know if my son would tell me if he was being bullied. One of the other dangers of this is that everyone can read comments you've left on someone else's site, right? So what happens when another friend takes offense? This has already happened, frequently. It probably wouldn't happen as much among boys, but...what if someone leaves a comment that someone else's g/f is a w****. The b/f is going to get upset, and this will start a fight, an online fight...IMO there is a reason law enforcement is warning us to carefully monitor...
I've pretty much decided I'll continue to monitor, but less than I do with my dd14.
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