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| Tue, 08-28-2007 - 7:56am |
Hey all,
Well, as my story goes with DS and the ex_GF from Hell, she has continued to "prove" all the stuff that we felt was unhealthy. DS really cut it off, and the reason I know this is because he is showing and telling me about all of the stuff that this girl is doing to try and keep in touch with him. The reason he is doing this is because we are trying to build back some trust that was broken by both of us when I played my card that I had "snooped" He doesn't want me to catch him by seeing that she is still contacting him and he was not responding to her until last night. He asked his dad if he could call her to try again to get her to understand that it is OVER. He just cut her off and she was even going through mutual friends to contact him. The latest was an e-mail that she sent to a girl and wanted her to print it and give it to my DS. He did not except the e-mail and instead told this other girl to write her back and tell her never to contact him again. This is tearing him up (he really is a sensitive kid).
I don't think that it is right for her to be involving other kids, especially when they are here with DS (probably wondering what the heck?) And she has gone to college 600 miles away.
Soooooo, What do you think, are there any suggestions. I really am temped to e-mail her mom, although I know I shouldn't. Her mother also told her that it had to be over, and she has no idea that this girl is almost harrasing DS. He showed me that she texted him in school all day. He turned his phone off after the first one, but there were at least 6 during the school day.
Ok....I'm looking for advice and I know that I need to hear to put this in perspective :)
Julie

Julie,
You've said all along that this girl is not stable and the relationship is unhealthy.... and her behavior now is only proving that point.
Thanks Rose, I knew I needed to hear that :) Yes, you are right about her manipulating and thinking that she gets somewhere when DS responded. I am proud of him though that he took a full week of her trying and him not responding before he gave in :( Poor kid, we tried to tell him that this wouldn't help matters, but because he has been so honest with us, and he asked us first his dad thought all he could do was tell him he thought it was a bad idea, but that it was his decision. I do believe now that this will die out...the only problem is that I think that it will be a slow and painful death for DS. I do worry about her going off the deep end a bit, due to the things she has said in her communications, but I am just keeping my fingers crossed that it really is just more of her manipulation and the "drama" that she likes to fill her life with. Thanks again Rose, and I'm here for you too. We can be "keep our mouths shut" pals :)
Julie
Julie, this is just a 'bad' situation all around.
I am the last one to recommend getting involved but if the girls communications have involved threats of suicide, I would call the mother and tell her I had concerns about her dd's state of mind, assuming there is some way I could print, email, etc her dds words to her. I would give the "I certainly hope this is just 'words' because she is upset but, in all good conscience, I couldnt let it go"
I, as a mom, would feel doubly awful if this girl tried something and I had not warned the parent-JMO
Thanks Cheryl :) you are right in all that you said. I was also that "other girl" DH's parents never thought I was good enough for him and still don't, but dh did know what was right for him when we started dating at 24. DS really does see know some of the things that DH and I tried to point out about her and why we didn't think it was good for him so now I think he truely feels relief, it it just that his personality is such that he has a REALLY hard time with the fact that he has hurt someone. Thanks again for your words of encouragement :)
Julie
Oh, I would definitly let the mom know if that were the case. She has just talked about how she will fight till the end to keep DS and that she will never let him go and that they WILL be together by fate....etc... She has talked about quitting college and comming home so that she can be close to him etc. The only other thing that she said was that she "can't live without him", but at this point I just think that that is her being dramatic. DS would for sure let me know if he begins to worry about this. Thanks for the thoughts ;)
Julie
Thanks Pam :0 It is really comforting during all of these teen issues to know that we are not alone and others have btdt. DH and I did talk about seeing if we could somehow block her phone number from DS's phone, but we might have to go as far as changing his number....one of her texting frenzies last week came in from another number (probably a frends phone) that was still while DS hadn't answered her at all and he showed me the texts that said she was doing it because she knew that we would be checking DS's phone bill :( Thanks again, I know that we are at the "height" of this situation and it will get better.
Julie
I haven't read all the responses, but I too, agree that the best way your DS has to get his message across is to completely ignore all her attempts at contacting him ... and if it means blocking her from e-mail, texts and changing his cell phone number, it's unfortunate but certainly leaves no room for misinterpretation!
It is both wonderful and admirable that your DS is trying to be kind about this, it does speak volumes about his character.
Hang in there mom! It is probably a good thing she is 600 miles away, there is only so much she can do from that distance. Well, that's the logical assumption anyway!