What do You Think?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2006
What do You Think?
6
Fri, 01-20-2006 - 2:07pm

Hi,

Just wondering what you ladies think. My son has a lot of friends and I dont know all of them very well. Most of them I do know, but my question is most of the parents allow there children to spend the night at my house and dont even confirm with me to make sure that they are going to spend the night at our house, I find it to be strange that some parents dont even really know us but allow there kids to spend the night at our house. I'm just thankful that my son feels comfortable inviting them over here instead him going over there because he wont sleep at anyones home but his own.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Fri, 01-20-2006 - 3:18pm
Hi and welcome to the board!
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Fri, 01-20-2006 - 4:29pm

I personally agree with you. My DD is 17 and I still will not allow her to spend the night at someone's house I don't know w/o my first calling them. However, I must add that calling the parents doesn't always mean there will be supervision. DD and one of her friends really pulled a fast one on us - a couple years ago, she had a friend pretend to be the dad. He assured us he would be home and that there would be no drinking, etc. Four months after the fact, I learned that the parents were out of town and this was a major party with an entire football team that my DD stayed with. I believe that she was safe and nothing sexually happened but boy I learned my lesson. From that point forward, I usually check out the parents with mutual friends or I may even drive by the house to make sure things at least appear calm on the outside. I know this may sound obssessive but my DD used to be the master at "Lucy-type plans" to get what she wanted. She's now pretty honest with us but still knows that the trust isn't fully back.

I guess I've gotten used to the lack of interest by other parents. I was very pleasantly surprised last winter when one of the kids staying at our house after Winter formal asked me to call his step-mom and give her our home phone number and to please explain to her that I don't allow alcohol, cigarettes, etc in my home and that I would be staying in the room with the kids all night. I volunteered my home # and address to her. I told her who my DH was and what each of us does for a living. It was wonderful to actually talk to another mom like myself!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2006
Mon, 01-23-2006 - 3:23am
No matter what, it's important that you make the effort to meet the parents of your son's friends. They may not seem to be worried about it, but let them know that you will always call and confirm that their children are spending the night. THat you want to get to know them for the safety of your children and theirs.
Start with a phone call, "Hi, this is Mrs. ......., Tommy's mom, Jimmy is here and we would like to invite him to spend the night. Is this alright with you? I can bring him by to pick up his things and meet you. Here is my phone number and address". Let your son's friends know that you care about them too and that you want them to be safe. That you'd do this if they were your child.
These days, parents don't take the time to get to know their firends or their friends parents as they once did. If you make the effort, I'm sure the other parents will appreciate it and maybe begin doing it more themselves.
Best of luck.
Avatar for momtb4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 01-24-2006 - 2:33am
I think most of us who are appalled at other parents would be truly shocked to find out that the other parents didn't know, either. Does that make sense? The one who was left alone a lot that one year that Jason spent the night, I'm sure his parents felt comfortable leaving a nearly grown teen to fend for himself and when they said not to have friends over, the believed him when he said he wouldn't. My parents had no idea what happened when they were out of town, which they were a lot when I was in young high school. I think most parents really do care, but the kids tell us such stories, we feel goofy following up.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-24-2006 - 2:22pm

Just curious, why won't your son sleep at other people's homes? My DS used to be that way and it was a constant source of embarrassment for him. He just never felt comfortable, likes to be in total darkness, and someone's VCR light would be on or something and he couldn't get to sleep. Or, they would leave the hall light on and he couldn't sleep. He missed out on some short trips because of this. Again, just curious, I like to hear other parents' stories.

As far as parents not checking with you, I think they don't always know what's going on. If they know, and they don't call you, then I think they're just really stupid. LOL

Laura

Avatar for deenow17
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Tue, 01-24-2006 - 10:21pm
I learned that hard way that you can't trust all parents. It had been years since I had allowed DS to sleep over howeer, at 16 DS didn't want to join us when we were going away to visit friends. A friend's Mom's offered to have him stay for the weekend. I called to introduce myself and to verify the plans. She said she had to work on the Sat morning but that she would be supervising them the rest of the time. I met her when I dropped DS off. Sun morning at 11, my oldest DS called. He hadn't wanted to worry me but he needed to find his brother. When he came home at 2 am on Friday night, his brother & friends were at our place. They didn't expect DS to come home that weekend from school. He drove them back to friend's house. Sat night DS gets home around 12 to find his brother & friends there again. This time he couldn't drive as he had a couple of drinks. He told them to go home & when he got up the next day, he found his keys gone. Thankfully the car was there & DS had only taken the keys to lock the front door. He finally called me as he couldn't find his brother. Long story, short - my "supervised" DS had been using my home as the party house with alcohol and pot. It was the last time I left DS anywhere until he turned 18 & was legally accountable for his own action. He is now a good kid and always comes with us to visit our friends. Dee