What do you think of a kid that tells...
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What do you think of a kid that tells...
| Thu, 06-08-2006 - 3:26pm |
you EVERYTHING? I'm just not quite sure what to make of this! My oldest bio child is my 13 year old daughter, and while we are very close and I wouldn't describe her as "secretive", I know there are plenty of things she keeps to herself. I remember those days, and believe me - there were lots of things I giggled about with friends that I would NEVER have told my mom! But my 15 year old foster son just says virtually every thought that comes into his head and everything he does. Sometimes it's friend stuff - some kid was trying to talk him into going down to the river for a beer, and he came home and told me all about it. He's also told me that he's been offered drugs and said no. (these things are pretty positive, for sure - I can reinforce my values). Tells me personal things about friends of his (things they probably don't want me to know). Tells me too darn much related to sex...good thing I'm not easily embarassed! You may have read my post earlier on a related topic - and last night he conversationally informed me of how often he...well, maybe I'm a little more easily embarrased than I thought *blush*. Just 5 minutes ago, he came to tell me that his friend had given him a slightly "dirty" magazine...and says "But all the models are in bikinis. He was going to buy me a Hustler but I told him Stasia definitely wouldn't let me have one of those." Of course, it crossed my mind that I woudlnt' even KNOW he had one if he just didn't tell me! So why does he do this? I can't figure out whether it is just his personality, or whether past abuse has given him a compulsion to "confess", or whether he is deflecting attention (the one thing he WON'T talk about - ever!, under any circumstance - is his bio family and the problems they have parenting). At first I was really glad that he is so open and tells me everythng - but I'm actually beginning to wonder if it is unhealthy - a sign of poor boundaries??

Some of it may be looking for you to give him advice and guidelines because he interprets those as evidence of caring and he desperately wants someone to care.
But how often he, I assume, masturbates? That seems to be crossing a line and not getting where boundaries lie. You're not one of the guys and I guess I would tell him exactly that
My now 18 yr old went through a time in his early teens where he would kind of joke with me(not inappropriate but definitely like he would with a pal)and them lightly punch me in the upper arm. It was not abusive-please dont misread. I had to remind him several times that I was not one of the guys and I didnt like to be hit, however lightly!
It sunk in after several reminders but yeah, I think he just didnt get it because that was how he spent his school day and he just came home and continued it(he also has 2 brothers and no sisters so...)
It is kinda unbelievable that he tells you about masturbating and spontaneous erections... wow. (but of course I believe you!)
My son used to have a friend that didn't seem to know some boundaries and I think my son said it very well when he told me "there's nothing wrong with M. he just hasn't developed social skills because his parents weren't around to teach them to him."
I also went through the shoulder and arm punching phase with my son! And like Wind, I also told him over and over that I wasn't one of the boys! Thankfully that's over with!
Good luck and you are to be commended for taking in a foster child.
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The lack of boundaries is what draws my attention here, as well as what you've relayed about A's history.
Re: Foster Parenting sites.... I too checked all the foster parenting sites I could find when S came to us, he was 17 at the time.