What if your teen's BF is a cheater?

Avatar for jupiterfit
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Registered: 05-12-2003
What if your teen's BF is a cheater?
4
Wed, 02-01-2006 - 3:17pm
Okay, we know that teen boys really can be weanies. Is it just how they are at that age? But what if you suspect your own daughter's BF of 9 months is now Mr. Cheater Pants? When the two of them are together, he talks so nice to her and treats her well. When they are in larger groups of people, he turns on her and talks in a very demeaning way to her. I think he does this to keep all his prospects open. Also, I was driving past his house on my way home one day and noticed his ex-girlfriend's car in his driveway. Again, I think he may be insecure and is always trying to keep several girls available to him in case this relationship doesn't work out. The ex-girlfriend will always love him, I think. But I know my daughter would be very hurt to know he continues to stay in touch with her. She loves him too. She is 16 and he is 18. My daughter is a typical Cancer.... sensitive, home-centered, and traditional. A real beauty (like a model) but I wish she could be a little more assertive and also realize her BF may not be straight with her alot of the time. I have talked to her about this in the past, but it has been awhile. She always glosses over things and says things are fine and I shouldn't worry. She, however, "hears things differently" than others who are around when BF talks. Over the months, there have been other occasions where it just didn't seem like BF was treating her very nice, and there have been stories of him cheating though there is never really proof. Then their one-on-one time is so sweet. I don't understand, nor do I know what to say.
Deb
Debbie
Avatar for momtb4
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 02-01-2006 - 5:16pm

Deb, this boyfriend sounds like my XH. He was very nice to me in private, it helped him to get what he wanted from me, but in public, he was an absolute @$$. I finally nailed him down about it and he said it was because he was embarrassed by me (I was about 50 pounds over weight, the same as when we met!) but it seems he'd been screwing everyone around the whole time. And all that happened before I married him. It only got worse after we got married (can you imagine...detect lots of sarcasm) and he was not only screwing around on me, but also beating the crap out of me.

Honestly, I'd tell your DD to be very wary of this guy. Nice in private, rude in public throws up all kinds of red flags. She definately needs to know that you saw the xg's car at his house. She deserves to know the truth and she needs you help to figure out how to deal with it.

And as for all teen boys being weenies, I can tell you it's just not true. My son is one of the most caring and respectful boys I've ever met. I went out of my way to raise him that way. He treats girls with a great deal of dignity and bends over backwards for them. He usually gets bit in the back for it, too. A lot of the behaviors we are talking about as being only boys or only girls are actually both sexes and just seem the most obvious because it's happening to our own children. Currently, I'm in a "girls suck" mode, but I'm absolutely sure that when my beautiful blonde gets to be a dating teen, it will be "boys suck." I'm sure it's just the nature of the beast, and the beast is the parent! LOL

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Registered: 10-16-1999
Wed, 02-01-2006 - 8:13pm

Sounds like BF is one of those guys who

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Wed, 02-01-2006 - 11:33pm
Having been actually married to a cheater I can say this -- if it smells like a fish, its probably a fish. In other words, trust your gut. I learned from personal experience that cheating significant others are talented deceivers and can have even the most perceptive of us fooled. But I also learned something else the hard way -- most people who are being cheated upon typically deny the fact and continue to defend their bf/lover/spouse until they see proof positive themselves. If he is truly cheating on her, she will find out one day. All I can suggest is be there to catch her when that happens because it is DEVASTATING in so many ways.
Avatar for jupiterfit
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
Thu, 02-02-2006 - 7:28am
I did tell her about the ex GF at his house. She asked him about it and he said she came over to talk to his mom. I asked her if she believed that and she said yes(as usual). I told her to be very skeptical... sounds like he is not being straight with her. She told me I always think the worst. I said... "I don't know...I don't think I would believe what he said." She got a little short with me and that's how it usually goes. She never believes anyone who tells her he isn't really committed to her. I've tried to tell her it isn't something SHE is doing wrong, it's HIM. Her brother has suggested this on different occasions too (he is 15). I hate to see her devote so much time and energy to this guy. She is always trying to make things perfect between them and I just don't think he is being truthful with her. He HAS said he wants her to marry him when she turns 18; well, being the home-centered Cancer she is, that's exactly what she wants to hear. THat makes it all the harder to convince her of the other junk.
Deb
Debbie