What to say to the b/f's mother
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| Tue, 07-17-2007 - 8:56am |
Hi, I know this topic has been hashed before, but I am in a situation!!
My dd and her b/f have been dating for 3 years. I know the parents, but we never really have socialized much with them. There is nothing wrong with them, I just am not a very outgoing person and dh doesn't want to get close till there is a diamond on the finger.
She has invited my dd and I to a Mary Kay party tonight. I do not want to go, but I have to. My dd is actually kinda excited for all of us to be together. She wants his mom and I to talk, but knows I am not one to go out and just strick up conversations. We have talked before at different things, short periods of time. Watching football games, taking prom pictures, etc.
Okay, I am rattling, question is. Any ideas what kind of conversation is good for our situation. All the woman in his family are gonna be there, again, I have met them all, but never really had conversations. I know this is gonna send me to hot flashes big time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AHHHHHHH
Andie

YOu have my sympathy, lol! Mary Kay, Pampered Chef, can't stand all those parties, but some people are very comfortable with them. No substantive, friend-making communication happens at them--it's all superficial talk. The fact that I don't wear make-up and do not enjoy cooking, doesn't help any. The last party I went to I felt like I had to order something, and the recipe book I ordered turned out to be in SPANISH! I ended up leaving it at a school with a good number of Spanish-speaking families.
You sound a lot like me, and therefore, I can't give good advice. Part of me wants to say that, because your DD really wants you to get together, just go and make the best of it. OTOH, everytime I go to one of these frickin' parties I swear I'll never attend another and kick myself for being a conformist, when I'm really not one at all! I guess I gotta tell you to just go with your gut feeling, but if you decide not to go, just say you don't do those parties and don't bother trying to fudge an excuse.
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As I recall, Mary Kay parties are somewhat structured with the presentation of the cosmetics, etc. so once the actual party gets going, you'll be busy and won't be required to chat about other things. Just go with the flow and comment here and there about what is going on with the party.
The fact that bf's mom has invited you and your daughter indicates that she is probably a very nice person and is wanting to make an overture of friendliness. It sounds like a fairly non-threatening environment, and since there is a 'purpose' for you to be there, random chit-chat will probably be minimal. It's not like a cocktail party where you are more or less required to socialize for an extended period of time.
Keep in mind that as parents, it is in the best interests of our children, to get to know the parents of the kids our sons and daughters hang out with. I was invited by my DD's boyfriend's mom to come to a party last summer. I was a little hesitant, but once I got there it was really quite fun. Since there were a lot of people there, it wasn't like I was required to keep the flow of conversation going all by myself.
Go, have fun, and don't stress over this. Nancy
I thought maybe with my age, which I won't discuss, these parties were over hahahaha.
She even went so far to tell my dd that we don't even have to buy anything, just please come. I got news for her, I am buying something little. That stuff is way too expensive and I cannot see spending that much on make up when I have a dd in college.
But, I guess I will suck up and go. Maybe she will make her famous Margaritas, that would be a big help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Have a great day,
Andie
I wish I had some wise words for you, but if you remember correctly, I am completely clueless in these situations lol and will live vicariously through you and this experience. I'm not sure when we are getting together with dd's bf's family and it probably won't be anytime soon. We just found dh is going to Iraq and leaves w/ in the next month. I don't know if we as a couple will get with them prior to him leaving or not and I would be much more comfortable with him there!
Hugs and good luck to you! I can't wait to hear about your experience!
Prayers and well wishes to you and dh during his time in Iraq. I can't even imagine having the love of our country that these men and woman have.
We talked about this in a previous post!!! So you haven't gotten together yet. I can understand you not wanting to do it alone. I could never go alone. My dd will be there. In fact his mom asked that if my dd had to work, would I come alone. My dd said she did not think so because I would feel awkward, awkward would not even be the word for it. haha
I will blaze a path for us shy souls. I will let you know how it goes!!!
Take care,
Andie
Well, Andie, I've recently been on the other side of your situation - I was having a candle party and invited DD's b/f's mom... and she was terrified.
You know, for all I know, she may be nervous too. We really never had a chance to just be the girls and chat. Her and my dd talk all the time. My dd is there as much as she is home. I guess we really should get to know each other a bit. I'm sure she will make things nice for all of us.
My sister in law just told me to be myself and I said that is what I am afraid of hahaha. My dd thought that was hysterical!!
Relax Andie, it'll be ok.
Can I sympathize!! I DETEST these female-type get togethers; especially Mary Kay. I haven't worn make-up since I was 16 and then it only lasted for a short time. I have no interest in these activities. They bore me to tears but for the sake of family, I have had to suffer through a few.
The past approach when one has to attend such activities is to get the other women to talk about their kids or let them vent about their jobs or the high price of whatever or whatever interests them. Show interest in their lives and be a good listener. You would be surprised how a few leading comments can open up the conversation. But stay away from anything "political". Keep everything light.
Good luck