What would you do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2011
What would you do?
Sat, 02-05-2011 - 3:38pm

My oldest son has been away for about 6 months. He has been home twice for a long weekend, but could not find the time to see his parents or younger brother. Now he needs a place to live when he comes back to town and just assumes he is moving in with us. I told him he had to apoligize for treating his family this way. Am I wrong for being upset?

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Sat, 02-05-2011 - 4:49pm
How old is he? I think I'd be upset but would try not to let that show too much, but what I'd do (as I've said on another question) would be to sit down with him and draw up ground rules so you have a tolerable and preferably enjoyable time while he's there. Have both he and you/your family decide on the rules so he has some ownership and doesn't feel ganged up on, but only agree if you're comfortable with the rules as well. (I know we're going to have to do that this summer when ds18 comes home from college; nothing drastic but I do want to be sure we're all on the same page) Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2011
Sat, 02-05-2011 - 10:17pm

He's 22 & ground rules or any other rules have never worked. This is not the first time he's done something like this.

Avatar for coldfingers
Community Leader
Registered: 04-30-2000
Sun, 02-06-2011 - 12:25am

At 22, you do not have to let him live with you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Sun, 02-06-2011 - 9:31am

Quite honestly, it's not unusual for early 20-somethings to separate themselves from parents for a time, I suppose it's their way of showing how grown up they are.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2008
Sun, 02-06-2011 - 4:28pm

You must be talking to him if you know he's "assuming" he will move in. What gave him the idea that was acceptable to the rest of the household? He is NOT the boss here and you are under no obligation to house him.

Please, PLEASE listen to what Bunnie wrote here and take it to heart! From some of the things I've read around the internet about parents having LEGAL trouble for trying to kick out ADULT children- I would go as far as a notarized contract on