What would you do?...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2006
What would you do?...
14
Wed, 12-05-2007 - 10:20am

We are going through a bout of lying and dishonesty.

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Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-05-2007 - 10:46am

I would not make your paying her speeding ticket her Christmas present. I would take away her keys. And I would make her pay me back the $180 by either doing chores or taking it out of her account.


I would also take away the charge card and not give her any

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-05-2007 - 11:02am

I hate to see her lose Xmas just because I know how few we have left once they hit the teens!

And if it doesn't help, THEN what? I'd go with the 'then what' plan NOW myself!

The more direct the connection, the better. The debit card should be cut up. You can always reactivate it in a few months if she improves

It might make more work for you-filling up the car, whatever-but, trust me, more work beats more aggravation. You could also buy gas gift cards-some stations even have a variety that only allows gas so they can't buy cigs(my son) or lattes.

Sorry about the phone-whose closet was it locked in? Try your car trunk or your purse or whatever it takes. Is it sad we have to do this? Yep, but you are not alone. Many dont talk about it or look the other way. Don't feel you are the only one in the boat!

She should do whatever it takes to reduce the speeding ticket-court, classes, whatever. And pay through work or chores(and dont pay more than minimum wage)

Hang in there-she is young and what we really want is to teach her the lessons she needs to not be bankrupt at 25. Well, and reduce our aggravation!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 12-05-2007 - 11:04am

If your DD is old enough to drive, then I assume that she's old enough to get a job to pay you back for these things.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Wed, 12-05-2007 - 2:01pm

Some good ideas and here are some further thoughts on how you might implement some basic changes that would teach her to budget her time and money.


Firstly, the cell phone.

Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-05-2007 - 3:15pm
FYI: Gas cards from stores with mini marts can be used to other items besides gas. And around here, in a little rural part of CT, kids sell gas cards to buy other things such as booze, drugs and cigarettes. Just a caution.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2006
Wed, 12-05-2007 - 4:08pm

Thank you so much for all the great advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-05-2007 - 4:52pm

<>

Cause she ain't done yet!

Still some cooking to do-hang in there! It does get better, but it's 20ish IME.

It's no different than putting up the fragile vase when they're 2; they will learn to not touch but their mind is in another place at 2. Her mind is in another place again now; she needs those concrete helpers but it doesnt mean forever, just for now

Avatar for mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-05-2007 - 7:30pm
Very well said!
Avatar for mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-05-2007 - 7:42pm

I have BTDT with my older son and speeding tickets.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Wed, 12-05-2007 - 7:44pm

If she could find a job with just a few hours a week, it might not affect her school work much - in fact, my kids actually had BETTER grades when they had a very part time job. Not sure how that works, but it worked for us.


Other than what everyone else said, all I have to add (from btdt experience) is to be VERY careful about letting her rack up much of any amount of cash that she owes you.

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