What Would You Have Done?
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| Thu, 10-06-2005 - 2:47pm |
Yesterday I took dd and her best friend H. (who I believe is a bad influence and headed for trouble) to school. When I picked up H. she was wearing a t-shirt that read proudly, "The famous Mustang Ranch". In case anyone doesn't know what that is, it's a whorehouse. Interestingly enough, at orientation H's mother and I were discussing her choice of "Playboy bunny" shirts. H. says the bunny is cute. Right. We told her all about Hugh Heffner, dirty old man, etc. Then H.'s mother told me that H. wanted the Mustang Ranch t-shirt and she said "no way, do you know what that is?" So I thought, well at least H.'s mother (who wants to be H's best buddy) won't do that.
Hence, my dissapointment at seeing her walk out in that shirt. I didn't say a word about it, pretended not to notice. After all, she's not my dd. When I got to work I called the school, who supposedly has a "dress code" IMHO they do not enforce, that there was a girl wearing an inappropriate shirt to school, gave her name, etc. What would you have done, if anything?
By the way, apparently the school did nothing about it.

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I wouldn't have done anything. Unless you know the background, it isn't offensive. And there is LOTS that some people find offensive, that I think is sort of funny.........like the american eagle boys t-shirts that have a faux 'fishing' shop logo on the back of the t-shirt, and on the front two hands spaced apart SEVERAL inches saying "I swear it's this big"
Now, did I let my kids buy one NOOOOOOOOOOOOO, do I see the humor in it? YEEESSSSSSSS.
Kids are really tickled by that innuendo stuff----why else would all the manufacturers make them-----I bet if anybody here has kids with several graphic t's, you'll find at least one with a sexual undertone, or a double meaning, or innuendo...............you have to be REALLY careful. My ds has one--It was a huge mistake on my part for letting him buy it---I didn't pay attention to the logo, only the cool colors that he'd been looking for on a t-shirt---he got it home and it says somthing to the effect of 'quickies pump and go"----sure, that could be a fictitious convenience store, or it could imply somthing more 'mature'. Needless to say, he's banned from wearing it to school.
When I was in high school, I liked a boy from a neighboring community and a RIVAL football team. So did my best friend. These boys got us their school t-shirts.........and one day (we planned, and planned) we wore them to OUR school.........we thought we were such rebels, and so 'edgy'.......I don't think ANYONE paid any attention to us-----we were just two stupid girls............but we had a blast doing it......I think the planning and suspense of what 'reaction' we'd get was a bigger thrill than actually wearing it...............so I ignore the graphic t's with those suggestive logos............the kids are WANTING to be noticed, and if they aren't notices, then maybe they'll realize it doesn't make them any more cool.
Besides, I doubt your school could really do anything---the words on her shirt weren't offensive---
Good luck!
Shels
Given my experience with my DD's middle school and its 'dress code', I probably wouldn't have done or said anything. Like anything else at that school, the dress code was wide open to interpretation, which had a whole to do with how popular the kid wearing the garment was.
I picked up DD nearly every day from school those three years and I saw every violation of dress code imaginable -- tube tops, spaghetti straps, short-shorts, mini-minis, etc. The only thing that seemed to be consistently enforced was boys t-shirts -- nude ladies not permitted. Thank God!
At the end of the school year, the 8th grade went on a harbor cruise dinner/dance and there was a big to-do about dress code. Letters and phone calls home, lectures in the classroom, you name it. I bought DD a very modestly cut sleeveless dress with a v-neck. At the widest part, the straps were only 1 1/2" vs. the 2" the dress code dictated.
DD was so concerned she would not be allowed on the bus in that dress that I took a photo of her in it and e-mailed it to the principal. Principal called and said that while the dress was "questionable" because of the width of the straps, she would allow DD to wear it because it was otherwise, modestly cut.
Turns out ... the uber-popular crowd was in spaghetti straps and halter style dress that were revealed once they took their wraps off on the boat. Think anything happened to them? Nah. Same crew wore similar styles at 8th grade graduation with not a peep from anyone.
Some fights are worth it...some aren't. When my sister was a teenager she was a "punk". That is, she wore her hair any number of styles, usually featuring spikes, she wore mostly black, spiky leather bracelets, odd earrings etc. Piercings weren't popular yet but I'm sure if it were she would have done it. At the time the most she did was pierce her ears in several places which back then was a big deal.
I remember everytime she went out to get her hair cut my mother cringed. "What's she going to look like this time?" She'd come home with one side of her head shaved or a completely asymmetrical haircut, or she'd have spikes all over her head.
And her clothes! Combat boots, leather gloves sans fingers, and eyeliner so dark all around her eyes. And she wore contacts that changed her eyes different colours.
What did my mother do? Nothing. She smiled and shrugged her shoulders saying "that's just her style". Because in the end my sister was an excellent student, a conscientous daughter and a hard worker with a part time job to make her own money. And my mom knew back then that there are fights that are worth fighting and others that just don't matter in the end.
So I don't know this kid. You say she's heading for trouble -- not sure why you say that but I hope its not because of what she wears. Alot of teens just have fun with fashion and it means nothing more than that -- fun.
I wouldn't have done anything either.
I'm just wondering how any of your would have felt if the shirt instead said, "KKK". After all, what's the harm? I for one find t-shirts with the names of famous whorehouses as totally unacceptable school attire. I'm shocked that I'm in the minority here.
And diamond, your sister sounds quite different from H. H. is headed on a self-destructive path, with everyone giving her a wide birth, almost too afraid to say anything to her. Its much, much more than style but if you'll forgive me I just don't have the energy to go into all of that right now again....
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Wow, that's quite a jump.
I personally wouldn't have liked H's t-shirt, but it's certainly nothing like advertising racial hatred, years of hangings, etc.
On the Parenting Debate Board there is a thread just about this. Might want to check it out.
Good luck,
cc
I think the point is, that it DIDN'T say somthing like KKK--there is a major difference in the messages...........
Different things offend different people---and that is the beauty of diversity and personal choice. My whole thought is that the words in and of themselves hold absolutely no offensive material. Now, putting the history of the Mustang Ranch with it may offend some-----but the school really had no business censoring her attire, because there was nothing blatently inappropriate with the shirt. How is that any different than girls wearing teeny tiny shirts and shorts that say 'cutie' or 'huggable' or 'kissable' or 'princess'----these shirts while harmless in what they say IMPLY that maybe the wearer is advertising less than flattering personality traits, or inviting kissing or hugging.............it is just one of the style trends that maybe parents aren't real fond of, but is really pretty harmless.
I totally agree with one of the other posters-----it is a 'pick your battles' type of decision that parents must make regarding the attire of their children----I'd be willing to bet my DS has snuck his "Quickee pump and go" t-shirt out of the house and worn it-----if he were punished, or made to turn it inside out----I doubt he'd even be embarassed----he'd probably wear the tag side out proudly, knowing ALL the kids would know he had something innappropriate on.........Just like Becca said, it is for shock value. The less reaction kids get by wearing this stuff, the less important it will become---
I do think, however, that there is no question that Beer, smoking, alcohol, nudity and racial/ethnic/religious statements SHOULD be absolutely banned, and punisment should ensue for wearing-----there is a HUGE difference in KKK and the Mustang Ranch or the Playboy Bunny-----
Thanks---this has been a really interesting topic to discuss!
Shels
Yep, that thread is over 500 posts now-called 'too pretty to do math'
Interesting that dragonfly is in the minority here but would have been in the vast majority in that thread!!!
I am in line with what others on this thread are saying-its just a shirt!!!(and, duh, I didnt get it without the explanation)
But, based on the other thread, there are many folks out there who put a lot of stock in the words on these shirts. The assumption by many would be that this girl was, at the least, 'loose'.
Whatever!
This is exactly how we ended up with "almost uniforms" this year. We've had a dress code for years that has gone basically unenforced and stretched to the limit, mostly by the high school kids. Last year a new superintendent came into town and this year the kids are not allowed ANY clothing with words, graphics or flashy/sequiny designs. Pants must completely cover your behind (and underwear). You can wear jeans, but they must FIT (go figure!)
So far, everyone looks so nice and it is really nice to go shop without having to wade through the suggestive phrases!
Mom to Emily (18), Conor (17) and Hannah (12)
Wife to David - 8/20/88
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