What is wrong with these kids today????

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2006
What is wrong with these kids today????
11
Sun, 06-10-2007 - 8:37am

I want to start off by saying that my 18 yr old ds is really a good kid. But...I have noticed that this generation doesn't have the sense of responsibility or morals that our generation had at their age. They think that their actions dont' come with consequences.

He is an extremely bright person...gifted classes throughout school. But, he failed most of his classes his first year of college. He just didn't apply himself. He wanted to go away and I told him he has to earn it. So, what's happening, he's going anyway. He swears he has to be out of the house. He will now go to a community college to raise his grades and has gotten a grant to pay for housing. I will not give him a penny towards that! What a waste.

Then....he got a ticket for speeding on Friday. It's not the ticket that bothers me(though it does a little) it's the speed at which he was clocked. 99!!!!! He said he didn't realize he was going that fast. Fine, but he's driving a Hyundai....you can feel it in a tin can like that. I told him that was wreckless and inresponsible of him and he could have been killed!!! At that speed they would be scraping him off the ground! He said he learned his lesson...will pay the ticket(ya think?. I told him he is banned from the car for the next week except to go to school and work. He honestly doesn't understand why!!!!! He thinks paying the ticket is enough. He's not grounded...let his friends come and pick him up and bring him home.

Am I wrong to react? It's not like he was speeding ina 70 zone going 75-80. This was 30 mph over the speed limit. What would you have done?????

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
Sun, 06-10-2007 - 9:54am
I think everything you've done is right on. You are showing him that his actions have a consequence, good for you. As for what's wrong with these kids, they're young and us giving them everything is not good for them, so what you're doing is right. If he continues to whine, leave him and go do something else, he'll get the message real quick
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2003
Sun, 06-10-2007 - 11:08am

"wreckless and inresponsible of him and he could have been killed!!! At that speed they would be scraping him off the ground! He said he learned his lesson..."

And, so would have anyone he happened to hit if he had wrecked. Then it would have turned into a manslaughter charge to follow him around the rest of his life. No college, the guilt of having killed or permanently crippled someone, including possibly someone else's child, possibly jail time, you get my drift. He got off very lucky, remind him of that.

Now, I think you've every right to do just as you are doing. Let his friends drive him around. If he's man enough to get out and have his own place, let him. It might teach him a little more discipline to pass his classes next time around if he's doing it all on his own. Stay strong. If it were me it would be a lot longer than a week before I let him back in my vehicle behind the wheel.

Best wishes
Sallie

Avatar for weberdns0
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Registered: 08-25-2000
Sun, 06-10-2007 - 1:20pm

Was it your car and your insurance policy??

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
Sun, 06-10-2007 - 1:25pm
N/T


Edited 6/10/2007 3:28 pm ET by seirith
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2006
Sun, 06-10-2007 - 2:13pm

The car is in my husband's name. We have made the payments for the first year and my son takes over the payments in Sept. He currently helps pay the insurance, but we have let him know that any increase is on him!

I'm sure he's driven fast before. The part that gets me is that he keeps telling me that he has learned his lesson and he doesn't understand how not letting him drive for pleasure will help. He missed his best friend's graduation party last week(he was sick) and apparently there is another one today that noone is available to take him to. And how is that my fault??!! What gets me most about him is that fo as long as I can remember,he figths me and nags me when punished, hoping that I will cave in. Doesn't he get it?!!! This is major!

As for the school issue..it just irks me as he is so freaking smart and he's throwing it away. I never dreamt he would do this. The funny thing is, he's a good kid! Anyway, he has pre-paid college tuition and i told him he can have it for one more year. If he fails even 1 class,his a** is home and I cut off the tuition money. I don't knwo what else to do!




Edited 6/10/2007 2:15 pm ET by speechee
Avatar for weberdns0
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2000
Sun, 06-10-2007 - 4:10pm
With kids like that once you try, tough love is the way to go.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2006
Sun, 06-10-2007 - 5:28pm
Oh...I'm not giving up on him and I've told him so. Dh is ready but I'm not. Isaw it happen to my brother. He was kicked out of Community College!!! And he went on to graduate from a 4 yr university and then go to law school. I love my son too much to give up on him and I hate that he has to learn the hard way when it could be so easy.
Avatar for weberdns0
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2000
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 8:53am
I had a brother who went to a computer school for 2 years because he hated school....but wanted a computer job.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 12:18pm

You are right to be angry. I agree it is different that going 45 in a 35 mi zone which I catch myself doing all the time. But you can't daydream your way to 99!

I disagree that this is different than past generations though. Driving fast, particularly for teen boys, has been around since there were vehicles with motors. And before that I imagine they were speeding their horse drawn carriages!

My oldest son also was failing his first year. We pulled him mid semester so the grades wouldnt follow him(and we got 'some' tuition back)

This was also reminiscent of MY brother's history and HIS oldest son(see, you can get payback on this stuff ;))

My oldest now attends college part time and works full time-this is also what my brother did to attain his bachelors-he has run his own computer related business for decades now. My nephew dropped out his senior year of college but was able to land an excellent job anyway because of the internships he had done over summers.

I think some kids, particularly boys, are not ready for college straight out of high school. It has nothing to do with ability or intelligence. I dislike calling it 'immature' because my working son is self supporting except for the tuition we pay. The same aged full time college aged students he works with have no idea about rent and utility bills or how hard it is to make it without health coverage. They do so much partying DS refers to them as "too wild for me"-LOL!

There are many different paths and we, as parents, are not very good at explaining the options. We have this right out of high school into college expectation as do the schools, family members.......

It's hard for them to say no or even think this is something they can say no to

DS2 made it through his freshman year although not with very good grades. He will attend the community college where I expect he will attain the very same not very good grades. I dont know where we will be his junior year-I know what he wants but I dont think Cs are going to get it for him. But, it's his path to follow-all I can do is advise, hang on, and wait for him to have teenagers for payback!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2006
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 12:56pm
I know in my heart that he'll be fine down the road...just not sure how far down he has to go! That's why I'm not giving up on him.

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