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What's this about?
| Sat, 10-14-2006 - 8:04am |
I will admit, I'm used to raising boys, and with boys, well, lets just say relationship drama pretty much goes over their heads.
| Sat, 10-14-2006 - 8:04am |
I will admit, I'm used to raising boys, and with boys, well, lets just say relationship drama pretty much goes over their heads.
Oh, I'm sure there's some jealousy involved here! Even though N's friends may have or have had bf's themselves, they might not have been as attentive, as protective, or wanting to spend as much time with them as T seems to want to spend with N. He may seem more of a 'real boyfriend' or a 'knight in shining armor' than the boys they keep company with, kwim?
They could also feel displaced by N's attentiveness to T and/or feel insecure now about their relationship with her. They may feel they have 'lost' her to T. You did say that N doesn't spend quite as much time with her gfs now, and lots with T. They may be thinking, "Hey, what about us? We were here first! Don't we mean anything to you anymore? Why is T more important than us?"
Some girls seem to thrive on just this sort of drama -- even create something out of nothing to give them something to agonize over and talk about. My DD avoids that sort of drama at all costs, and it sounds like your N has little use for it either. Could be because of the fact she grew up in a testosterone-driven household!
I also think the 'group' dynamic mentioned by the other poster may be a factor. Since N got involved with T, the group dynamics have changed and N's detachment from the group has thrown it off balance, as is T's presence if the include and accept him as 'one of them'. Seems silly to me, and probably to you and N, but there may be some truth to that. Their fixation to getting N out with someone they are more comfortable with, someone they accept as part of their group leads me to think they don't feel T is part of their group. It seems to be all about 'groups' these days! I personally preferred the days when it was just one big social free-for-all -- when kids didn't feel tied to or were labeled as part of any one 'group.
I remember a few years ago when my DD got tired of the same old, same old, stuff at lunch and ate with a different group of people, al h**l broke loose. It was unbelievable, absolutely ridiculous, how offended her friends got and the things they said!
Well, I don't know if this helps any at all! I think I would just let N know that the problem is NOT necessarily with her, but may have more to do with the insecurities of teenage girls.
Hang in there.
Edited 10/14/2006 7:43 pm ET by hydrangea_blue
N never has had much patience for the drama and cliques of some of her friends... I think it does have something to do with growing up in a household of boys/men.
LOL - I guess there are advantages to only having boys - as you said they are rather clueless when it comes to a lot of the high school drama!
You're right Deb.
I think you've got this pretty much pegged Rose.
It sounds like more of an issue of "groups."
Perhaps T isn't quite a member of the club yet.
My DD told me long ago to scrap my antiquated ideas of "dating." You know, casually date a number of guys and try to figure out this male/female thing? Well..DD tells me this is considered slutty behavior. Which is all the more curious why your DD's friends are trying to set her up while she's "going out" with T.
BTW, if T can pass the "older brothers test" he must be an allright little dude. They seem to be able to sense things we can't sometimes..
D