What's the appropriate punishment?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2003
What's the appropriate punishment?
15
Wed, 04-19-2006 - 5:57pm

My 14 y/o son rec'd his first In School Suspension today. He was apparently involved in an "altercation" at lunch. The school admits that he did not start the incident, that this other kid started it by throwing things at my son and eventually it came to a fight. Now, the other kid has been suspended from school for 10 days for being the instigator and my son rec'd 1 day of suspension for his part in it.

Although my son did not start the fight he was involved and I strongly believe that his actions should carry consequences. Just because he didn't start the fight doesn't mean he's 'off the hook'.

My question is this.....what is the appropriate punishment???

He has already lost his computer and video games etc until his grades improve and 'taking away' items really doesn't seem to impact him too much.

Would it be appropriate for him to revoke his ability to attend his jrotc military ball? Do I ground him from tv, telephone and friends? If so, for how long? Do I make him write a letter of apology to the school administrator that had to call me?

Any input would be appreciated.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2005
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 10:40am

Slightly off topic, but I really am curious. For any of you that have used chores as consequences to bad choice behavior--have any of your kids taken the attitude that chores are negative and won't do them voluntarily?

I'm worried that by making chores part of a punishment for my daughter she will learn to hate doing those things and then be unwilling or unable to perform thos same chores as a self-supporting adult, or will hate doing them so much she will put it off until it HAS to be done and resent every minute of it. I have adult friends who tell me that Mom/Dad made them do this or that as punishment growing up and now they hate to do it. Some to the point that I don't like to visit their homes because they are so mind-set against doing their chores that their houses are dirty and uninviting.

I really don't want to turn my daughter off housework and chores. She'll get to do them the rest of her life, she might as well not hate it. Just looking for BTDT, maybe with older kids.

~Dani

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 11:51am

No advice, but I wanted to comment I had the exact same question come to mind when I saw so many chore-related punishments here!

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2005
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 4:58pm
what does it mean when you say kids doing their chores voluntarily? LOL I've never seen those words strung together in a sentence.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2003
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 9:10pm
I think it is a fine line. I try to come up with something for my kids to do that relates to the crime so to speak. If they broke a window for example, they would help to fix it or if they had the expertise they would fix it themselves.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 9:33pm

We tend to do the extra chore thing for big offenses, not necessarily normal run of the mill chores, but EXTRA stuff, and hard to do.

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