What's the appropriatte amount of affection for a teen girl and her dad?

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
What's the appropriatte amount of affection for a teen girl and her dad?
Sun, 08-26-2012 - 10:27am

I'm new to this board and my name is Sarah. I've been dealing with an issue lately. My dh has always been very affectionate with dd. She's what I guess you would call a daddy's girl. She like to sit on his lap and he does give her hugs and kisses regulary. Well she going to turn 13 in a couple of months and she's sarted to develop. She's begginig to grow breasts and pubic hair and is becoming more interested in boys. Coinciding with this is the fact that she no longer wants to sit on her dads lap and become embarassed if he wants to kiss her. 

My dh is naturally hurt by all this. I tell him that she'll get over it and time and he can hug her and kiss her on the cheeks again but she probably won't sit on his lap (although I must say that I've seen teen girls and even some women in their 20s sit on their dads lap). So what it boils down to is this, what is the appropriate kind of affection between a teenage girl and her dad?

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999

As lonng as the relationship isn't abusive or overtly sexual, <<<the appropriate kind of affection between a teenage girl and her dad>>> is what ever they BOTH feel comfortable with.   A lot of early teens don't want to be seen in the same STATE as their parents, especially in public, but others want to be hugged and petted their entire lives.  And if your husband is missing their closeness, chances are, it will return.  Right now, you dd is in the process of seperating from her parents, and that is both normal, and painful.  Once she feels she has successfully become her own person, she can return to her closeness with the family without losing herself--IF she wants to.  The best way to ensure that, is for both you and Dh to stay close, regardless of her rebuffs.  Find frequent opportunities to talk to her as much as you can, and always include her in family activities, no matter how prickly she becomes.

Edited to add: the other day, my now adult kids were over to celebrate my BD.  As we cut the cake and passed around champange, I turned on the cable, and a movie was playing.  Dh asked younger dd if she remembered the movie, and she said, "It was one of my best days ever!"  ODD & I had gone to a stage play, the idea of which bored YDD to death.  Of course, at that stage of the game EVERYTHING bored YDD to death--she was 13.5.  So I left her home with her dad.  Rather than just hang at home, he'd taken her to a carnival, the movies, and then out to eat--making her feel just as special as her sister felt that day, with me.    And making a memory that will last forever.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009

Welcome to our corner of the village.

Hubby and I were blessed with two daughters, now 19½ and 20½.  As they grow older there are certain things that daddy can’t do any longer and things the girls can no longer do, like giving them a bath, them going topless, have daddy rub their backs under their shirt when he puts them to bed.  The older any kid gets there is a natural pulling away from the parents, like at some point they stop wanting to hold your hand.  Hubby and I see parents with a kid holding the parents hand and we remember a happy past.  They get a little self-conscious about being seen with the parents.   All this is natural and can be a bit painful for the parents, both parents,  but change is what growing up is.  And I don’t think you can change this progression.

And with girls, there are certain conversations that dad can’t partake in, like a discussion about puberty, periods, bras, etcetera.  Likewise with the puberty conversation with guys. Even though I have ZERO experience in this area, other than SILs I first met when they were still 12 and 13, I can’t picture myself talking about. . . . well you know . . . . guy sex stuff.  LOL

Something DH started doing many years ago, was taking each daughter out for a father daughter evening while I took the other out for a mother daughter evening about once a month.  Great memories for sure. 

No matter how old the girls are, they will always be “daddy’s little darlings.”  Movies have been made about such, like Father of the Bride for example.  The changes that come with ageing are not all bad.  With ageing we gained sons (SILs), and a couple of grandsons.