What's a Lie?
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| Fri, 12-23-2005 - 9:32pm |
Today I had an interesting conversation with a woman, nice lady, great mom... and that's why I am so blown away by what she told me. She's got a good kid, all honor roll, doesn't drink, no drugs, etc. We'll call him D.
Several weeks ago when I was having such problems with my DS-16 (B), B and I missed each other after Saturday school and they saw him walking down the road right around the time I was making my second trip to school. They picked him up and took him to their house.
I thought DS had run away and I didn't immediately call her house because I know for a fact that she would call me if he had of run away and shown up there. A couple of hours later I did finally call and D answered the phone. I asked if he'd seen B and he says "Yes, we saw him about 2:30 walking down by the convenience store." That's it. Meanwhile, B is standing right there at their house!
Finally, after another hour and a half of driving around looking for B and making more phone calls from pay phones, DH and I spot him with D in the convenience store parking lot. I finally find out that B was at D's house the whole time I was out looking for B. D also told me that what he said was not a lie.
I was livid. I told him he'd better not ever lie to me again and then I left for the grocery store, where I see his mother in the parking lot. Still unsure that I had the whole story, I asked her about it. And I told her about my phone call and that D had lied to me.
Fast forward several weeks (5 or 6?) to today. I talked to her for the first time since then and she told me that she has been still kinda upset with me for calling D a liar and that I was the first person to ever tell her that D had told a lie. (I'm sure that's the truth, he usually is a good kid) She then tells me that D didn't lie to me, that he made a bad choice and that she had also told him that.
I told her it was still a lie, albeit a lie of omission, but a lie nevertheless.
Is it just me? Do you consider that a lie? What would you tell your child if he/she had done that?
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Thanks girl!
But honestly, I don't take too much offense on that board. It's true that they didn't know too much about DS, so I filled in a little more tonight. Probably more fuel to the fire!
Thank you for all your comments. It helps keep me thinking in terms of what DS needs/wants/thinks rather than just what I want him to!!
zz
Hi cat momma,
I would say that was a lie, but I wonder why they did that? Was your son going to get into trouble for missing you picking him up? Not that this would justify the lie but it would make sense for lying? A lie is a lie wether by omission or deliberate. I know what it feels like to not be able to find your kid and I would have been freaking.
Catriona
No, he wouldn't have been in trouble for missing each other. He would have gotten a lecture about leaving the store instead of waiting for me. When we miss each other the store is our meeting place.
Maybe he got worried later, when he realized he'd past the point where I would be angry. I don't know. If I were big on heavy-handed punishments I could see that, but I'm not.
zz
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