When do you back off??

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2004
When do you back off??
26
Sun, 07-01-2007 - 10:06pm

DD is 16...that in and of itself says a lot. :) She's a gem and I think/thought she is/was a good Christian kid.

First red flag....she has been 4.0 student forever..this past semester (10th grade) she got 2 A's (elective classes) and 6 B's! I know B's are good...but she made almost no effort therefore got B's. When I don't see her trying, B's aren't okay with me. Have told her she loses her cell texting and IM'ing when school starts again. DH said that was a bit harsh.

Second red flag - she attends a church youth group with a friend. (Not our home church) There are two boys there that I'd had a bad feeling about from the first time I saw them. She swears they're nice guys...they just dress like "Emo" kids. So I gave her the benefit of the doubt. I have threatened to cut her off from this group if I find something that I feel crosses the line. (I am probably more straightlaced than a lot of parents) So today she showed me a good video on YouTube. When it was over she all but cried when I wouldn't give her the mouse so she could log out of her YouTube account. That was a big hint that I better check into it!

So I looked at her favorites. Those boys from the youth group are on there in a few videos....all of which are stupid. Screaming while playing guitar, etc. One of them, however, is something about 'Pervert Rehabilitation'. I think it crosses the line of how Christian kids should act. The girl in the video is a friend of my daughters. She also has a few other videos marked that have bad language and inappropriate subject matter (in my opinion)

SO....the question is....do I cut her off from YouTube/internet...or do I let it go? She needs to learn to make good choices. How else is she going to make it in college without going crazy from all of the sudden freedom. Then again...she knows I wouldn't be okay with her hanging out with kids that behave this way.

When do you back off? If your child is doing stuff you don't approve of, but it's not illegal or dangerous (just stupid and crude) do you allow it? I know she needs to find herself..and that's hard to do if a parent is telling you what's okay all of the time. However, she knows I'm not okay with that kind of humor...especially on a family computer.

What would you do?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2005
Wed, 07-04-2007 - 12:50am

I had to laugh at your response...I'm glad we could help, but...

This was your last sentence:

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Now you were speaking, I know, of the resources and answers you found to your question - here and anywhere else you may have looked - but I did have to giggle, because without the internet, DD would never have SEEN the questionable videos, now would she?

(NOTE - this is a tongue in cheek comment made only for the chuckle it may elicit from all who read it and is not meant as offense or criticism in any way).

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Wed, 07-04-2007 - 7:33am

You're right, it's still too early to cut the apron strings, but loosening them some is a good idea.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
Wed, 07-04-2007 - 7:50am

I hope you didn't take offense. It is just that I find that many have a little understanding as to what their religion actually believes in. For example. many think that the Immaculate Conception refers to Christ's conception but it doesn't. It refers to Mary's conception. She was conceived without mortal sin on her soul. I can get a bit picky about some of the details because, well, the details are what separates the various Christian Communities. As a former practicing Christian, I find the details fascinating.

You pointed out that teems need a foundation, all I have to say that a good foundation does not have to come from a religious community. I know many very moral and well-adjusted young adults who were not brought up in a faith community, my kids included. The sense of belonging and social responsibility can be fostered at home just as well. I understand that this concept may be difficult for a member of a faith-based community to gasp but the world is filled with well-adjusted unbelievers.

One very important aspect that parents,believers or otherwise, would be wise to remember.
We are talking about faith and faith is personal. To say that a teenager has lost "their faith" might not be true because that faith might not have been theirs to start with or, if it was, it was a immature faith without a profound understanding of what it entails. They are questioning the faith of their parents, the faith beliefs their parents brought them in and are evolving to accept or not accept that faith as their own. That's normal and very healthy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
Wed, 07-04-2007 - 7:52am


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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2006
Thu, 07-05-2007 - 11:14am

iteadrinker -

I like your style! ;-)

Amelia

Avatar for sharo63
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2006
Thu, 07-05-2007 - 12:17pm
No offense taken - what so ever ;)

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