When teenage sisters cover...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2007
When teenage sisters cover...
11
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 4:50pm

I never thought I would have an issue with this...my girls are 2 1/2 years apart and most certainly have a love/hate relationship. They share a room and until recently, my biggest problem has been tattling over stupid stuff. Well...be careful what you wish for. Last weekend, my daughter had a boy come over to "visit" for about an hour. (She's 16) I specifically asked my younger daughter why her sister was up so late and her sister (who is 14) looked right at me and said "I have no idea". When I found out about the boy, I also found out that my younger daughter was in and out of the room SEVERAL times...so I knew then, that she knew about it and blatantly lied.

So...I found out on Sunday about the boy and yanked both of them on the carpet...one for the crime and one for covering. The older one got a harsher punishment (for actually commiting the "crime") but we decided to assign some manual labor to both of them...we wrote a list of about 8 things that needed to be done around the house...the younger of the two (who commited the lesser of the crimes) got to choose FIRST what her sister what would be assigned, then the older one chose a task for the younger sibling. I figured it would be ironic if the "partners in crime" had to choose the punishments. (It was pretty effective as well)

I think it is fair to assume this isn't the first time this has happened, and I'm sure it won't be the last. Does anyone else have any suggestions on how to handle something like this? I don't expect them to snitch over every little thing, but this was somewhat major and I will not tolerate the blatant lies. How about punishments...any clever ideas to nip this in the bud?

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Avatar for mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 5:31pm

I had to LOL when I read your post! omg, if I had a dollar for every time I covered for my older sister, I would be rich! LOL

And honestly, I would bet all those riches that my younger son has covered for his big brother probably more than once (although I can't prove it).

I thought the way you handled the punishment was excellent! And should you catch them at covering for each other again, I would stay with that. Sadly, I have no advice as to how to nip it in the bud. I don't know that you can. I had always told my kids that I did not want to hear any tattling on the other UNLESS it was something illegal or physically dangerous. And, I still stand by that. I will probably get soooo flamed for this, but...I'm not really sure I *want* the other to tell me stuff his brother is doing--IF it's not illegal or dangerous. It's a kinda bonding thing for them, as it was for my sister and me. Yes, if we got caught, there was heck to pay, but what we did was not horrendous either. If I catch them there will be punishments, breaking rules and lying, but, I don't know that anything I dish out could make one turn on the other, nor do I think I would want them to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 5:51pm

I agree that I dont feel its necessary and think of myself in the workplace

My job is not rocket science but there are about 999 different little things it entails. I think we all take short cuts but I would say my coworkers, especially the younger ones, take more than I.

I dont feel it is my place to tattle to our boss. If I truly felt what they were doing was serious and affected the children and their families that we serve, I would speak up, but not filling out X piece of paper? Nahh!

I would expect siblings to be the same. You should be told if one is using drugs or something THAT dangerous, but I wouldnt put sneaking a boy in in that category

Its a loyalty thing to me

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 5:52pm

Nip it in the bud?

Avatar for jbgattuso
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 5:59pm

My boys are very very close and I hope for their sake they stay that way for ever.....covering for a sibling....I think it is one of those special things. If safety was involved, I would hope they would snitch, but that has never happened here. JMHO :)

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 10:44am

I would never put 2 siblings in the position of asking one to tell on the other. It's really not fair. It reminds me of the nuns when I was in elem school, putting one person in charge of writing down the names of the kids who talked when the nun went out of the room. When it was my turn, I would actually do it since I was such a goody two shoes. I'm surprised the other kids didn't beat me up on the way home. lol

But seriously, unless it's something really dangerous, you know they will probably stick together. My DD told me that her DSS was driving illegally w/ kids in the car (which you can't do for the 1st 6 mos. after they get their license) but she hates her DSS, so this means your DDs actually like each other. But actually my DD wouldn't even rat out her DSS to my DH, so there's some kind of limit.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2007
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 10:55am

All right,I have to ask, Were you an only child?

I think it is quite natural for siblings to cover for each other.

If we told everything how would we black mail each other.lol

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2005
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 11:17am
I liked the punishment idea. If they want to be responsible for each other then let them, lol.
I would be more concerned about DD16 sneaking the boy into the room. I understand there couldn't have been too much going on with DD14 in and out of hte room, but there's still reason for concern IMO there.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 1:24pm

I see everyone's point about not snitching on each other to form a bond and so on. But I would wonder this - Was the younger one not snitching because she loves her sister and didn't want her to get into trouble? Or was she not snitching because the older one threatened her that if she told, she would ?

But I do agree with the last poster - I would be more upset about the boy in the room, than how you found out about it.

Edited to correct typos.




Edited 6/26/2007 1:25 pm ET by times4
Avatar for mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 1:50pm
Well, for me and mine...I didn't snitch on my sister because I thought she was about the coolest person in the world and I would do almost anything for her! LOL Although, I do remember thinking in the back of my mind "she so *owes* me!!" And I have a feeling that those things figure in to my kids not ratting each other out. And, knowing my older son, there might have been a small threat or two thrown in for good measure. LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 1:55pm

I'm with you on this one, dadfor6. I can't believe sneaking a boy into the room doesn't cause anyone to raise eyebrows!!! A boy in a 16yo girl's room doesn't sound like a good idea to me! I'd put that one up there with serious!

Karin

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