When Your Kids are Sad ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
When Your Kids are Sad ...
23
Wed, 10-03-2007 - 6:11pm

... what do you do?

 

 

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Wed, 10-03-2007 - 6:29pm

It's not easy to see our kiddos sad. I'd say you can do three things - 1)give her room to be sad, 2) agree with her that it s*cks, and 3) help her put things in perspective (this won't last forever, it's still early in the school year, etc). I think that one thing parents know that kids don't know is that with the passage of time, these things will fade and become less important. When she's a successful career woman, with friends and family around her, she won't even remember Homecoming 2007, much less still be sad about it. It's hard to talk about this without sounding condescending, but if you can give that perspective, it can help.

When all of L's 16th birthday plans fell through, I think the most powerful thing I did was to sit with her while she cried and say "you're right this is sucky".

((HUGS))

Sue

Sue, mom to Leah and Seth


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Avatar for mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-03-2007 - 7:40pm

Awww, Julie, I hate that C is sad, and you are feeling guilty that she's sad.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-03-2007 - 7:48pm


I personally think she should go with the guy friends. Here it seems that even when couples go paired up, anything can happen. DS2 went to a dance and came home early with one of the guys-they said the girls wanted to stay and the guys didnt!!! I thought it was rude but it apparently was 'normal' for the group

But I know you can't force it...

We hurt when they hurt and THAT sucks! It doesnt get automatically better as they age either.

I do think there is truth to 'what doesnt kill you makes you stronger'. When I was a kindergarten aide, the kids most upset when mom was late in bad weather were those kids who had the perfect moms-and I dont mean that nastily because it was the mom we all aspired to be, at least that first year for that first child ;) Library books always returned on time, field trip money in the first day, report card signed immediately, and first in line at pick up time. When the inevitable happened and a library book was forgotten or mom swung in even 30 seconds late, THOSE kids fell apart in tears. The kids-usually not firstborns-whose mom forgot a form here and there and were all over in the pickup line? They would shrug and say 'can I wait in the office?' They knew she would come-they had more confidence and strength than the other group. It was one of those light bulb moments of parenting!

Avatar for bookwormmom
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2003
Wed, 10-03-2007 - 9:33pm

I know what you are feeling. I agree that maybe it will just help to sit with her and say it really does stink, or you might find something to do with her if she doesn't go to the dance.


Here Homecoming isn't a big deal, but the Tinsil ball and prom are, but if you don't have a date you just go with a bunch of friends. Kelsie has always had a date for the ball, but I don't know about this year, but then again she has until December.


I sit with Kelsie often lately and listen and "cry" with her. Actually sometimes real tears other times I just feel for her and empathize with her. The boy that she is hooked on is a long way away, a 5 hour drive to be exact. She really fell hard for him and can't seem to get over it. He is on her mind constantly, she has tried dating another guy and that didn't work out, she just isn't a very happy camper right now. And all I can do is listen

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Wed, 10-03-2007 - 11:04pm

I think "this really stinks" is going to be my mantra over the next few days!

 

 

 

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Thu, 10-04-2007 - 8:05am

My best girlfriend in high school and I were never invited to things sophomore and junior year (I started dating a guy senior year so it was a bit different then for me; she wasn't dating yet). So every time there was a dance (we also had a Y-based program that held dances beyond Homecoming or Prom) and our other friends had dates, we went to the movies together and commiserated. Maybe you can do a girls night out with your dd and commiserate too, if she doesn't have any girlfriends to hang with like that. Otherwise I think I'd encourage her to go with the male friends, and just tell her to give you a ring if/when she's had enough if they still want to stay. Then at least she would've experienced the event. Best of luck.

Sue

P.S. My ds15 didn't ask anyone to Homecoming last year and had a blast. This year he was reluctant to go because he was too late in asking the girl he wanted to ask. I encouraged him to go anyway; he met up with one of his buddies. Up front he figured they'd leave within 1/2 hour and just hang out somewhere - ends up they stayed til the end of the dance and he'd danced 4 dances with a different girl, having a blast. You never know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2007
Thu, 10-04-2007 - 8:19am

Oh yeah...it's letting me answer :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Thu, 10-04-2007 - 10:10am
Sorry I'm late but I agree with the 'that stinks' route.
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Thu, 10-04-2007 - 10:28am

No, she didn't go to the bonfire last night, in spite of my encouraging her to do so!

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Thu, 10-04-2007 - 10:36am
Hey Julie - I'm not able to see the pic in your siggy.
Pam

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