Where Did I Go Wrong As A Mother?
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Where Did I Go Wrong As A Mother?
| Thu, 09-07-2006 - 4:35pm |
Where did I go wrong as a mother? I am sitting here typing this with
tears coming down. To some this may not seem like such a big deal,
but it is very upsetting to me. I have a soon to be 13 DS who has
no respect for me at all. He doesn't listen to anything I say and
God forbid I should ask him to do something! He is constantly name
calling. If you ask him to do something he will immediately say
no and give you ten reasons why he can't do it and it usually ends
up in a yelling match. If he asks me to do something and I don't he
will be very spiteful. Example, last night he asked me to put his
clothes away and I would not do it because it is his responsibility.
While he was leaving my bedroom he took by trash pail and put it
in the hallway and turned it over and proceeded to walk down the
stairs. It ended up me screaming at him. Just now I asked him to
go upstairs and get my glasses and he said no, that he just cut
his finger and then said what, are you retarded? I do not speak to my
children that way or name call. It is irritates me how he has no
respect and what's worse is that he knows how it makes me feel and
he doesn't care. How can someone you love so much be so hurtful??
Edited 9/7/2006 4:36 pm ET by riat2006
tears coming down. To some this may not seem like such a big deal,
but it is very upsetting to me. I have a soon to be 13 DS who has
no respect for me at all. He doesn't listen to anything I say and
God forbid I should ask him to do something! He is constantly name
calling. If you ask him to do something he will immediately say
no and give you ten reasons why he can't do it and it usually ends
up in a yelling match. If he asks me to do something and I don't he
will be very spiteful. Example, last night he asked me to put his
clothes away and I would not do it because it is his responsibility.
While he was leaving my bedroom he took by trash pail and put it
in the hallway and turned it over and proceeded to walk down the
stairs. It ended up me screaming at him. Just now I asked him to
go upstairs and get my glasses and he said no, that he just cut
his finger and then said what, are you retarded? I do not speak to my
children that way or name call. It is irritates me how he has no
respect and what's worse is that he knows how it makes me feel and
he doesn't care. How can someone you love so much be so hurtful??
Edited 9/7/2006 4:36 pm ET by riat2006

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Hi and welcome to the board.
going to have a long talk with my son about what is expected and what
will not be tolerated. I hope it helsp, but with him, I don't know.
For punishment I have taken things aways, have grouned him, did all
those things. The minute the punishment is over, it starts up again
and he has learned nothing. If I give him chores, they don't get done
or they get done halfway and then I end up punishing him again. It's
a vicious circle. How do I stop that from happening? He would be
punished every minute of every day. My husband is tired of hearing it
and I do not get much help on that end.
It sounds like there's a lot of negativity going on, and it tends to be a downward spiral that is so easy to get sucked into and feeds off itself.
Do you honestly think that a child who throws trash all over the hall because he is angry or calls you names because you ask him to do something for you will actually sit still and listen to you as you have a frank, earnest conversation about how he makes you feel?
He knows EXACTLY how he makes you feel. You feel like he wants you to feel -- like crap. He's not acting lovingly towards you. He is disrespecting you and you don't need to tell him that because to me it is very apparent he wants to be hurtful and disrespectful. He's pulling your strings and you are reacting.
This is not a politically correct answer but....kids are not always logical thinkers. When I was a kid (and I'm not that old) if I did even one of the things your son did, my dad's foot would have been half way up my butt in no time. My parents believed 100% in punishment -- corporal punishment. And once I felt the sting of a good slap with a slipper I learned not to do that thing again. See....its not that I say you should spank your kid but you need to find your way of letting him know that you will NOT tolerate being victimized and that you will defend yourself.
To me giving kids "chores" should not be a punishment. Chores are their job as part of the household -- not a punishment. A punishment to me is that next time he asks for something your answer is a clear, resounding "NO". And when he freaks out about it, you let him know exactly why you are saying NO. You are saying no because he hasn't done anything to deserve it. Period. He may hate you for a while but --- too bad. That's part of being a parent...
I come from an Italian background. In those households emotions are not supressed. When mom and dad were angry or upset, heck we knew it. If I acted out one LOOK from my dad shut me up. Things were thrown, people yelled, people hit and we know when we were doing something wrong -- no ambiguity. So yell, scream if you have to!!! But do whatever you can to let him know you are NOT going to tolerate his behaviour anymore.
Does your son only act this way at home? I have had problems similar with my daughter.
What has been told to me is that we, as parents have given this generation too many choices and not enough boundaries, and once they hit the teen years, it's hard to place those boundaries. I know, I go through it with my daughter.
Samantha
I have to agree with you here...
Three y/o Jonny hits mom coz she tells him "no" in the line at the grocery store.
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