WHO PAYS FOR PROM?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2005
WHO PAYS FOR PROM?
22
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 11:12am

I'm sure this topic has been posted over and over - and the same question asked over and over - but here we go again ....

My daughter is a freshman and she has been asked to the prom by a Junior (our high school has one prom for both Junior and Senior students and their dates). Despite my feelings of not knowing this guy very well or the group he hangs out with, I've told her she can go (this is a story on it's own and one I won't go into right now).

He asked her a week ago and called her yesterday and asked if she could pay for her own ticket. Ok - he's only 16, doesn't have a job - we can help with this - no problem. He calls again last night and asks her to chip in for the limo also. As I start to add up the cost of this event (and it's not even HER prom)I'm starting to see that HIS prom is going to cost US a lot of money.

I don't want to take this experience away from her, but I don't want her - or us - to be taken for granted either.

So far she (we) is paying for her ticket (which includes dinner), a portion of the limo cost, his boutinere, her dress, her hair, nails, shoes, etc. and he is paying for .... his ticket and hopefully a corsage for her.

Is this all normal? I know these kids don't have a lot of money - is it just the experience - he wants her to go with him to his prom.

I'm confused because I figured if he asked, he paid for anything specifically related to the prom expenses and she paid for her personal items needed to attend his prom (dress, hair, etc.). Is this wrong - they aren't even dating, but they aren't going as friends either - he wants to date her.

Any feedback or advice? I want to be sure to not step in where it's not necessary to - don't want to ruin this for her - but don't want to be footing the whole bill either.

Thanks,
Jem

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 12:10pm

All areas seem to be different when it comes to Prom. My dd has had a b/f for all of the proms they have been to. They go to different schools. Now this year she is a freshman in college and he is a senior in high school so they are going to another prom. He does not have a job either, but he has paid for all the tickets, flowers and dinner before the prom. He also paid for the pictures that were taken at the prom. Our schools here don't allow limos so I can say for that. She only ever paid for her personal expenses and his boutineers. And they have been dating for 2 1/2 years.

I am a little old fashioned, I think this guy should be paying for more than he is. Most parents are willing to help out for such an important event. He shouldn't rely on her, especially if they have not been dating for a long time.

You would hate to tell her she can't go, but I would just be a little leery why he can't pay for anything. If there are financial difficulties in his family, that would be one thing. We have all ran into those. But if not, he surely could get some help from his parents.

Good luck and I hope all goes well for your dd.

Andie

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 12:15pm
This does sound wrong to me - this is my first experience also, but my 17ds has invited a freshman to his junior Prom.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 12:32pm

I think the boy should have paid unless they specifically decided to go 'dutch' or just as friends.

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 12:43pm

None of my boys have yet attended the prom(2 are out of high school but I figure there is a one in a million chance for ds3)so this is my purely hypothetical answer....

it sounds like a 50/50 split and since they are not YET dating, that sounds reasonable to me

They are each paying for their own ticket, their own clothing and we assume flowers for the other party. I assume he also pitched in for the limo although that was unclear from your post(6 way split, 8 way split, whatever)

Unless he asks her to pay for his ticket or tux, I would be okay with it!(and Ive seen THOSE posts)

I would recommend she start some type of conversation about what color her dress is to be sure he is getting that he needs to buy flowers..

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 1:14pm
I understand your frustration. We've gone through this as well. My feeling is that when someone gets invited to someone else's prom then they should only have to be responsible for their personal items and this needs to be made clear right up front. Last year my DD went with her bf to the senior prom and we paid for nothing but her dress, shoes, hair, boutinere and our own pictures. Her bf paid for both their tickets and the limo. This year it is DD's junior prom and we are paying for everything except his personal items and the flowers because I feel it is her prom and she invited him so she should pay. If she invited just a friend I would feel the same way except if she invited someone who was in her same class and it was his prom as well then I would expect him to pay half for everything. DD's best friend, however, has invited just a friend from a different class and she has been asking him to contribute quite a bit because she is having financial difficulties but even so I think it is unfair because prom is very expensive and if someone can't afford to go then I don't think they should try and put that finacial burden on someone else.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2006
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 2:11pm
My DS17 is a senior. Our HS had a parent meeting to discuss prom and they noted that the average expense for a couple to attend prom is between $1200 and $2000. This blew my mind!! That is a LOT of money. My DS is does not have a GF. He is going to prom with a friend. She has offered to split expenses.... which my DS declined (w/o asking us of couse!) Since DS has no job...it is DH and me paying for the evening. Most of my friends who have sons feel that the girl's parents should contribute to the evenings expenses. I know that the dress/hair/nails etc are expensive.... but the tux / shoes/ accessories also add up. Most of the boys don't have enough money to cover prom expenses w/o their parents help. IMO - both sets of parents should contribute to these costs. Although... in my situation this is not the case!
In the Chicago area, prom is a weekend event. Most couples go away to a cottage or hotel for the 2 days following prom. This might be an additional topic that you need to think about.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 7:33pm
Sounds to me he's shifting quite a bit of the costs of this to her, if HE invited HER to prom, it's HIS prom, and they aren't even dating. N and T are splitting tickets, dinner, post-prom and transportation down the middle when their prom happens in a month... but they've been dating for 6 months and since she has a job and he doesn't, they often split costs down the middle - or she pays, with her $$. He probably wouldn't be going to prom if they weren't dating - he's kind of the "anti-school" kid, and has only started going to school functions because N wants to go.
Rose
Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 11:13am

Your dd should be paying for her outfit & if she so desires, her up-do, a boutonniere for her date and that's it, unless she agreed to pay for her ticket. My oldest dd paid for both her and her date's tickets for her junior prom, as her date was out of HS at that time and it was her prom. My younger dd and her date slit the cost of the tickets as it was THEIR prom. DD bought him a boutonniere, paid for her dress, shoes, up-do and nails. The date paid for his tux (which he bought on ebay for $60), his shoes, dd's coursage, and chipped in for the limo. I drove them to the friends house to meet the limo.

I think it's nice when everyone can split the costs, however, given such short notice I'd be hard pressed to tell dd she either has to tell this kid she can't afford all this or tell him she simply cannot attend and bow out gracefully. I helped my older dd that year when she basically paid for everything and then I told her that I'd never do that again - if she wanted to attend prom, she and her date must split everything 50/50. And this year, when 17dd started making the prom plans, she already knew she'd be coming up with half the money for everything and allocated a budget to do so. Sadly, her school has cancelled their prom = they are doing a senior trip now instead. Ugh - I can't even go there!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 1:31pm


What????

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2005
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 1:42pm

I wanted to thank everyone for your responses - lots of food for thought!

Since my dd is just 15 years old - we have given her permission to attend the prom with this boy, but NO after prom activities. The limo will bring her back to our house before the rest of the group head out to a cottage for the weekend (yes - that's what they are doing!). She's way too young for that and there's no way we would allow it.

She attends the dinner and dance and she's home by 10:30. She's ok with this and so is the guy.

Thanks again,
Jem

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