WHO PAYS FOR PROM?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2005
WHO PAYS FOR PROM?
22
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 11:12am

I'm sure this topic has been posted over and over - and the same question asked over and over - but here we go again ....

My daughter is a freshman and she has been asked to the prom by a Junior (our high school has one prom for both Junior and Senior students and their dates). Despite my feelings of not knowing this guy very well or the group he hangs out with, I've told her she can go (this is a story on it's own and one I won't go into right now).

He asked her a week ago and called her yesterday and asked if she could pay for her own ticket. Ok - he's only 16, doesn't have a job - we can help with this - no problem. He calls again last night and asks her to chip in for the limo also. As I start to add up the cost of this event (and it's not even HER prom)I'm starting to see that HIS prom is going to cost US a lot of money.

I don't want to take this experience away from her, but I don't want her - or us - to be taken for granted either.

So far she (we) is paying for her ticket (which includes dinner), a portion of the limo cost, his boutinere, her dress, her hair, nails, shoes, etc. and he is paying for .... his ticket and hopefully a corsage for her.

Is this all normal? I know these kids don't have a lot of money - is it just the experience - he wants her to go with him to his prom.

I'm confused because I figured if he asked, he paid for anything specifically related to the prom expenses and she paid for her personal items needed to attend his prom (dress, hair, etc.). Is this wrong - they aren't even dating, but they aren't going as friends either - he wants to date her.

Any feedback or advice? I want to be sure to not step in where it's not necessary to - don't want to ruin this for her - but don't want to be footing the whole bill either.

Thanks,
Jem

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 2:09pm
Move over to make room for me on that 'old fashioned' couch.
Pam
Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 2:13pm

Marie! LOL - I am not a big believer that the parents need to pay for this stuff either. I truly believe that more parents should be either saying NO or telling their kids to pay their own way. Maybe the reality check of paying for these extravagent parties will be exactly what they need to get things more in line...ahem. A hotel? For prom kids? Uh, no way.

When dd19 went to her junior prom, she invited some other kids back to our house for a bonfire and late night cookout. They stayed till around 1:30AM and most everyone went home except for a few who slept in our camper out back and her bf, who slept on the couch. Jeesh!

When my school had their prom, 8 million years ago, everyone got up early the next morning and went to Great Adventure Amusement park in NJ for the day!

I just think this crap has really gotten way out of hand. Between Sweet 16's and the zillion proms, we won't have money left for a college fund!! LOL -

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 5:45pm
DD will be attending prom here in a few weeks.
She bought a beautiful dress on EBay that she will re-sell after the event, as oppposed to the poor guy that has nothing after turning in his “rented” his tux.
I don’t really expect him to pay for anything other than his half of dinner, although he will most likely pay for dinner and her ticket.
They both went shopping for his tux and she picked out a tie for him to match her dress.
They really are quite a cute couple.
As far as the other extraneous BS... if a limo is planned, they are entirely on their own. Often those “arrangements” are big plans with no parental cooperation leaving someone holding the tab. (Wasn’t there a thread recently about that?)
Overnights, late parties, hotel rooms?? You gotta be kidding…..
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 7:10pm

My kids have always done the post prom thing - which consists of the junior class parents sponsoring a night of games, music and movies at the high school from midnight (when the dance is over) until 6:30 a.m. They feed the kids breakfast at 5 and unlock the doors at 6:30, though nobody HAS to leave until 10. This plan came into play about 10 years ago when there was so many kids going to hotels or going out drinking and driving after prom, most everyone who goes to prom does the post prom too. The prom is held at the high school, and anyone who is under 18 y/o who leaves the prom is expected to call their parents to tell them that they're leaving - another thing that is enforced by the junior class parents. I've been volunteered to do the parent thing twice now, and will likely do it again next year when N is a junior. The kids really don't give us any grief about the "call the parents before you leave" rule... and they have the opportunity to win everything from free movie popcorn to iPods and XBox at the post prom, that most of them are pretty highly motivated to go to post prom. The prizes are all donated by local businesses - last year businesses donated over $5,000 in prizes, and most of the prizes are $50 and under. Some parents have a problem with some of the businesses donating (bars and liquor stores) but the people who own those businesses have kids and grandkids attending the prom and see it as their "civic duty" to support the post prom, even though it likely means fewer kids will be figuring out illegal ways of buying their primary products.

Maybe if more communities had parents band together like this, and put their foot down to hotel weekends and such, there would be less of it out there.... but then again, this might be yet another parenting perk of living in a town of under 4,000 people out in the middle of nowhere.
Rose

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 7:32pm
Rose, that sounds absolutely wonderful. Kudos for you helping with that arrangement!
I wish we has something like that here.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 9:30pm
Well daddioe, you notice I say I WAS VOLUNTEERED, not that I volunteered! LOL I'm getting too old to stay awake chaperoning a bunch of teenagers until 10 a.m.! LOL Truth be told, after about 3:30 it's pretty quiet, most of them curl up with blankets in the auditorium to watch a movie then, and by 4 there's a lot of snoring happening. It was kind of funny one time I did it - one of the other moms and I discovered that the VERY hunky (in the minds of 17 y/o girls), studly quarterback of the varsity football team still sucks his thumb when he's sleeping! His secret is still safe as far as I'm concerned.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 12:19pm

I'm glad I'm not there, since there is no way I would allow my Dd to go away for 2 days after the prom and do who knows what. I am extremely happy that in our town, there is an all night party at the high school after the sr. prom (which is held in a restaurant). this is a great event, decorations, prizes, fun things to do and people aren't allowed to go in and out. When I was in h.s., even though the drinking age was 18, we didn't even drink after (or during) prom, we just went out to get breakfast afterward. That is when I am most worried about drinking & driving.

As far as the expenses go, I think that the person who does the inviting (whether boy or girl) should pay for the tickets and limo, if there is one. After all, he's the one who needs the date for the event. If they are both in the same class and both would want to go anyway, it should probably be more of a 50-50 split. Although last yr, for my DD's jr. prom, she asked a boy in her class and he still bought the tickets, even though she offered to pay. They weren't that expensive, since the jr. prom is in the school and therefore, noone takes limos either.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2006
Fri, 04-13-2007 - 10:44pm

I have been through prom twice with my son who is 19 and once with my daughter who just turned 16. My son went to his jr. and sr. prom and he paid for the tux, tickets for both of them, dinner for both of them, pictures, and her corsage. Some here rent limos, but he was lucky enough to drive his stepmom's new mustang.... His date paid for her personal stuff and a buttonier for him.

Last year my daughter who was a freshman went with a boy from church with whom she was just friends and he needed a date. He was a nice young man who has very little parental support and no money. However, he worked odd jobs and saved up the money for everything (tickets, dinner, pictures, flowers, etc.)except her dress, nails, hair, shoes, etc... the personal stuff. A man from our church even let him drive his older model jag so they were quite spiffy!

Once again, this year my daughter is invited by a friend of her brother who is still in HS. They are just friends although I think he wishes it were more. As far as I know this boy is paying for everything except her personal stuff even though nothing has been saved. She and I have talked about the fact that again, he has no family support and very little money. I asked her about it and she said he told her he was saving up for prom. He doesn't have a decent car so I will either let them take mine or they can take hers.....

I have actually found that the cost for my daughter is greater even though she doesn't pay for tickets, dinner, pictures, etc.... Here is the breakdown from what I remember....

Son's tux $50 (he was very fortunate in that one of his crew's mom owns a bridal shop and she let the boys pick anything they wanted at cost)
Prom Tickets $30
Dinner $50
Pictures $20
Flowers $20
Total $170

Daughter's dress $130
Shoes $55
Nails $25
Hair $25
Flowers $15
Total $250

So, even though the boy is paying for dinner, pics, tickets, he still comes out better off because the tux shoes, etc. are never as much as a dress, hair, shoes and nails....

Our HS does the overnight party thing after grad for the seniors... the kids are on their own for prom night. My son and his friends did an overnight at one of their house where they were all very safe. My daughter's group went to one of their parents house where they were supervised totally.... which I was glad for because unfortunately she doesn't always have the good sense her brother does..... This year I am not sure what the after prom event will be, but I will know well in advance.... Plus her brother will be home from college and you better believe he will be keeping an eye on his "little" sister.... Oh, and one other thing... if you happen to have two kids going to prom, be sure to get pics of just the two of them... I did it last year because it will be the only year two of mine are both going and all dressed up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2006
Mon, 04-16-2007 - 1:37am
I'm not too thrilled about the weekend away at a cottage either. But, honestly, I don't know 1 senior that is going to prom and NOT attending a cottage or hotel event for the weekend. I'm thankful that my son is going with a friend... not a girlfriend... because I'm pretty sure that sex (with each other at least!!) is not on either of their minds.
I consider myself pretty old-fashioned also... although the past year I've "liberaled up" quite a bit. We've hosted 3 post-dance events / sleepovers at out house this year following school dances. I was absolutely floored after the 1st dance, when girl's parents were calling me prior to the party to see if they could contribute snacks for the sleepover. I had NO idea that the girls were staying! My husband and I were up and down the basement stairs many many times at each of the parties.... and I never saw anything inappropriate happening. OUr homecoming party had 40 kids sleeping over. We collected all the keys and anyone who was leaving had to be out by 12:30 PM. Most kids stayed up all night... dancing talking... eating. They are no private spaces in out basement... so everyone was pretty much in view of everyone else. I guess my new thinking is that DS will be away at college in a matter of months. He'll do what he wants there... w/o me knowing. I think that allowing additional priveleges now will make some of the temptations of college less mysterious and appealing. (or maybe he'll just know how to calculate how much pizza to buy for a party..... I hope not!!)
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2003
Sun, 04-22-2007 - 5:31pm

....
Son's tux $50
Prom Tickets $30
Dinner $50
Pictures $20
Flowers $20
Total $170

Daughter's dress $130
Shoes $55
Nails $25
Hair $25
Flowers $15
Total $250
.....

Wow - it's interesting to see the costs for proms in other parts of the country. We live near Boston. My son has two proms this spring since his girlfriend attends a different high school than he.

His tux rental both times was around $150 / $160.
Prom tickets for his school: $100 per couple (including dinner)
Prom tickets for her school: $160 per couple (including dinner)
Photos: the most inexpensive package was $50, but the most desirable package was $100
Wrist corsage: $35
Haircut: $20

Limo: The first prom, we had a limo for 6 kids, which I paid for (my son was the only one of his group with a license, and I didn't want him squeezing 6 kids in his car...). For her prom, the parents got together and rented an 18-passenger limo for $2,000 -- we split the cost evenly.

Personally I'm a huge fan of using a limo. It sounds extravagent, but it's SO MUCH safer than having your teen behind the wheel, even if they haven't been drinking. As I pointed out to my son, he was wearing rented shoes that he wasn't used to, and that can make driving tricky sometimes. And on a night when the police are out specifically looking for any teen drivers -- safe or otherwise -- I'd rather someone else were driving him.