Worried about ds18...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Worried about ds18...
19
Thu, 11-15-2007 - 12:47pm

This is going to be a hard post to write, because I don't know if I can even articulate my feelings very well.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Thu, 11-15-2007 - 1:37pm

Aww Marie - there's nothing worse than seeing your child hurting.

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Thu, 11-15-2007 - 2:11pm

Marie - I am so sorry to hear that your DS is struggling.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2006
Thu, 11-15-2007 - 2:21pm

Sending warm thoughts and wishes your way! Hopefully, your ds will be able to just take it one step at a time and his future will work out the way it is meant to.


Hugs,


Amelia

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
Thu, 11-15-2007 - 4:02pm


I am so sorry that your son is having such a hard time. I can relate. I have a painfully shy 17 year old DS. He is very smart (gifted with a mild LD) but doesn`t feel smart. He never puts himself forward, doesn`t feel comfortable getting involved in any sports and many extra activities at school. Fortunately, he doesn`t drink or smoke. His few friends (he has two) are the same. He does not have a job but I have not pushed the issue. School comes first. Like your son, he is in the process of deciding what he will do next year. He is surrounded by 'urber over achievers' and super jocks which makes high school not the most accepting place for a quiet,not athletic nerd.

I am telling you this because,honestly, I don`t know any 17 or 18 year old who is not filled with self-doubt, scared about the future. Even the high achievers are having a difficult time. It is part of the being 17 & 18. And from my experience, it seems that the boys have the hardest time. I know so many young men who have `spinned`. Sometimes I think that men are the sensitive ones; not women. We talk and get it out. We are brought up believing that our feelings are important. Men grow up discounting their right to have feelings. This generation of young men are at a cross road;there is no longer a blueprint for them to follow. It is no wonder so many are having trouble.

What we have done with out DS is remove all pressure from him concerning school. I have told him that no matter what he wants to do, it is OK by us. No decision is written in stone and it is very normal (and in fact healthy) to change one`s mind several times before finding the right career, A successful person is a happy productive one,no matter what they do in life. We have also told him NOT to discuss his plans with anyone but family. My DD did the same (and even though she was one of the uber over achievers, she was getting a lot of negative comments). She told only her best friends.

If he is not comfortable doing something (i.e. going to the grad), I have said that we will not force him or make him feel that he has to do it. These extra social activities are suppose to be `for him` after all. We make a point of talking about the members of our family who have made successful careers for themselves without university degrees. The truth is that there are many success people out there in the trades. I think it is a very smart kid who sees the opportunities available. And given the complexities of these trades, you have to be very smart. It`s not easily to be a good mechanic or electrician or plumber or whatever. And we will need these people!

As for the math requirement, there are many undergrad degrees that don`t require math or a minimal of math. Business does have math but it is not that difficult; rather simple stuff that he would need to know if he wants to run his own business any ways. If he really wants to go to university for a business degree or something like that, perhaps a tutor would help.

I hope this helps..

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2007
Thu, 11-15-2007 - 5:27pm

Hello Marie,


It is true about kids changing their majors several times in fact happened while I was in school. Some times




iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 11-15-2007 - 6:04pm

Any connections to help with the job? I suspect that would build self esteem in so many ways.

Perhaps run through some mock interviews-run the typical questions by him(fill out some on line interviews through places like Best Buy to get a handle on it) Watch his eye contact, body language, etc and give hints. Be great if you could do the same with someone less familiar than you but still not threatening

He is a strong, good looking young man. Don't know your area but would removing the earrings help with jobs? I know, spoken just like a mom. My oldest had some initial bad reaction to the tattoos but it blew over. Now ownership has changed and I hear they are more conservative and I wonder as DS1 is going for a promotion. LIke it or not, that stuff matters :(

Also, the community college bunch isnt going to be filled with the uber achievers. It may 'feel' comfortable and give him a boost

And, lets face it, kids with IEPs know about getting extra help. My older two hit the wall in college and had no idea how to ask for help, find a tutor or even study-they had breezed through HS. And, of course, it stung their pride to think they had to. Kids like this DS and my Blake? They have BTDT; Blake did reteaching and retook a science test yesterday all on his own(woohoo) IF Blake decides to do CC(and like you, I hope he doesnt), he will be comfortable accessing all the accommodations and assistance available

Thats a good thing

18 yr olds seem to be half man/half child. I saw/see a big change in the 'late 19' range

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Thu, 11-15-2007 - 10:28pm

Marie,


I'm so sorry you're going through this -- it is very hard to see our kids hurting, no matter what the age or under what circumstances.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Thu, 11-15-2007 - 10:48pm

{{{{Hugs Marie}}}}

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Fri, 11-16-2007 - 11:30am
a whole lot of folks acted like they were going to be huge failures because of it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Fri, 11-16-2007 - 11:33am

Business does have math but it is not that difficult; rather simple stuff


My dh got his bachelor's in business management only a few years ago and the math requirement was statistics, which is definitely not simple stuff!


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